ignore this bit of nothing i had need to write to figure out things..
i smile and say im fine..and hide the hurt.. but how long does hurt of the heart last? .. dose it ever go away or just become like a stone you carry in you pocket?..something cold and hard you carry and take out and roll around in your hand on dark nights.. can you forget it and leave it in the sand.. or does the hurt become a part of you ?.. ignore this bit of nothing.. its something that i toss out.. into the darkness.. like tossing a note into the wind.. for what i look for can't be found..
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hurt questions..
If that's a legitimate question, it needs to be rephrased in standard English so people can understand and reply to it. However, I suspect that what you've written is song lyrics or some such thing, in which case you're putting spam into the forum and that isn't exactly appreciated.
a friend told me once…
I wish I could tell you that it's going to get better, I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it better for you…but truth is, I can't. This thing… is going to hurt a lot and probably for a long time…but as long as you let it.
I told a friend recently…
In death, it's not about why you didn't get to say the last goodbye, it's about the last hello when you walked in the door and saw their smiling face.
…opps. Looks like this one was the real thing man. :(
I told a friend recently…That's beautiful :)
In death, it's not about why you didn't get to say the last goodbye, it's about the last hello when you walked in the door and saw their smiling face.
It's interesting though how grief can actually make you feel physical pain. All those cliche sayings about it are true, it's all true, even the bit about it getting better over time. Still makes you sad when you think about it sometimes, but it's a lot easier to live with.
Dec. 22 was the five year anniversary of the death of my best friend. As of yet, I can't say that I've "gotten over it". I think it does become something that you carry around. But I as time goes by, you get better adjusted to living with it. Yes, I still feel a profound sense of loss and grief, but I don't feel it [i/]all the time.
Good Luck.
Turning to spiritual help is one of the better-known ways to deal with this type of loss. If you have faith, then turn to the religious support community of your choosing. For those without as much faith, but still looking for some private guidance, then maybe you can read through something like this:
C.S. Lewis's introspective essay after his wife died. It's pretty short so you can read thru it in an afternoon.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Grief-Observed-Faber-paperbacks/dp/0571066240
Alright, thank you for rephrasing that. No offense meant, I'm not trying to be a dick here. Just couldn't understand what you meant.
As for how long it takes to get over that kind of hurt. I lost my best friend who was also my girlfriend, about 6 years ago myself, and the only thing I've found that might have made it hurt less or helped me get over it quicker was to try and move on. Finding friends who hadn't been there at that time and that I could therefore just screw around and be goofy with and eventually finding a new girl to love were pretty much the only things that helped for me. Although, I think doing that may have just as many problems as any other route of grieving.
You never truly get over it, but eventually you learn to think about happy times and smile about them and learn to focus on that instead of the end of things.
you might never totally get over it.but that's becuase that person was and IS something special to you. but dont let yourself fall into complete dispare. when you think of that person, remember, they arent completely gone.they watch over you. they ARE there. if you try to get on with life the best you can, then they'll smile on you. they wont have to worry. but if you let yourself wither becuase they arent physically there anymore then you'll cuase them greif as well becuase theydont want you to self-destruct ESPECIALY on their account. they love you in the afterlife just as they did in this present life, just as you love them now. i hope this makes sense. im not sure if its comming out the way i intended.
but when you start to feel so badly sepressed and hurt, remember that person is still there and they wish you a long and full life.
I'm working on it..trying to move on. moved to a new house.. I go to new places.. try to met new people.. but sometimes I feel like he is still here..not a ghost but I don't know something else.. (I know that sounds dumb..)
sometimes I think its ok.. I'm ok..sometimes I find his key in a drawer.. see a his lucky number on a bit of paper.. silly stuff.. sometimes I think of him and smile and sometime I'm back at the starting place.. trying to figure it all out again. hurting.. maybe its just the changing of the year that makes it feel so..dark..and hurt once more.. I will read the essay.. my thanks for the link.
so the answer is it takes along time..maybe never..
For me, every time someone really important to me dies it's like my whole life is not the same anymore, in fact it feels like I'm living another life. What I hate the most are the strong nightmares or dreams that come after in which you can't really tell if that person is still with you or not. Man that hurts so much, to wake up in the morning and remember that it's all in the past. On a brighter side, it's a chance to reunite with friends or family that mean something to you and you haven't seen in a while. I can't say it will stop hurting, but it gets bearable. It goes from being a living nightmare to a life experience. Don't be afraid, all in all, those experiences define ourselves and our perspective of life, and you'll see that those special persons are part of us even if they're gone. I always giggle when I realize I sometimes talk the same way my dad used to talk to me.
Time does heal wounds. Sometimes.
However, I don't like leaving things to hope or random wishes. I think it's more constructive to give yourself a sense of control over what you must deal with.
My early teen years were a living hell. Moved, grandmother died, pets died, lost all my friends, didn't fit into the new neighborhood, and so on. I had a lot of forced growing up to do.
I hate feeling emotional. Be it misery or joy, I came to the conclusion both of them, while natural, robbed me of the better parts of who I was and wanted to be.
I came across the philosophy of stoicism after reading Albert Camus' The Stranger and I found the book really spoke to my mindset. So I began to practice the discipline and self control that stoicism requires. Eventually, it allowed me to remain calm in the worst situations and abuses, like becoming the eye of a storm.
While I can't say that stoicism is the right idea for you, maybe you need to analyze what brings you to a quiet serenity instead of merely letting the mercy of time do whatever it wants with you.
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