The life of Zeph

Soda Quest
Zeph at 12:22PM, May 3, 2011
(online)
posts: 1,973
joined: 12-22-2006
Idiot! I waited till the last night before the assignment was due again! Seriously, procrastination was going to be the death of me. I sat there, staring at the screen, my brain completely void of what to write my paper about. Well I had a topic, but I didn't do any research. Do I bull shit it? Do I just not hand it in? No that wasn't an option, if I didn't hand it in, I'd instant fail. Damn, I could of really went for a soda.
The sweet taste of it, the fizzy carbonation, and that lovely feeling of having to pee every half hour. Perhaps the last one was not one of the pros of soda. But the caffeine, I needed it, it was already quarter to midnight, and I hadn't even started my paper, I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.
Naturally my first instinct was to go to the mini fridge in my dorm room, and hunt through it until I found my precious beverage. Now let me ask you this, have you ever played one of those video games where you're so excited to open a chest, and all you find inside is a message that pretty much says in kinder terms. “Go F' yourself”?. That was exactly how I felt when I opened that pintsized door.

Not a single bottle nor can of soda sat upon it's two dismal shelves, there was however an old piece of pizza wrapped in tinfoil, a jug of milk, and some eggs. Hardly what I was looking for. My heart seemed to sink at this pathetic sight. I would have to trudge through this terrible paper while on the verge of passing out.
Or so I had originally thought, until I remembered the vending machine in the commons. Though that was three floors below, and it was the middle of the night. Did I really want to go that far for a bottle of soda?
Apparently yes was the answer. As I threw on my hooded sweatshirt and made my way into the hall. It was a Friday night, but my professor was one of those assholes that made you submit papers on weekends. And being it a Friday night in a college dorm, the air smelt of booze, sex, and some kinds of drugs I'm probably best off not trying to identify. The pounding of music through the dormitory's thin walls didn't make the task of writing the paper any easier. I had just barely stepped out of my door when I was assaulted by horrid rap music. Quickly I reached into my pocket, producing my mp3 player and placed the soundproof ear buds into their proper place. I cranked up my own music, in an attempt to keep my sanity.
The hallway was chillier than my dorm room, I had a space heater, since the college found it cheaper to turn off the heat at night. Just three floors I thought, of cold air, horrible rap, and the smell of idiocy. I'd soon be united with my soda, and I could finally attempt to hammer out that paper. This wasn't going to be so bad, only ten minutes tops. Maybe less if I sprinted.
That was until a girl burst out of one of the rooms completely hammered. Her face was bright red, she swayed with every step. And the words she tried to pronounce at first were so slurred, I swore she had escaped one of those short busses. She staggered towards me, her shirt off, pants unbuttoned. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY” her breath reeked of cheap beer. “We shhhhhould make sh'out!”
Moments like this make me hate people. Apparently she had been dared to make out with some random person. And of course being drunk off her ass, she accepted. I was to be this random person, hadn't I evaded her initial attempt. She flung her arms towards me, I side stepped, I couldn't stand the smell of alcohol. Why on earth would I want to kiss a girl who tasted like it? Either it was her just being stubborn, or the alcohol making her this persistent, she came at me again, with the intent to embrace me for a big sloppy smooch. This time I ducked under her lunge. The wall behind me got a nice wet one planted right on it.
She didn't seem to notice it wasn't me, I watched horrified as she made out with the wall. However I did not have time for this. Returning my attention to my quest I bolted down the hall, until I was a safe distance away from the drunken woman. Pausing only to catch my breath.
The soda had to be obtained, otherwise I would never finish that paper.
I reached the stairs to floor two, they were dark and uninviting, fading into the blackness. It's never a good thing when a set of stairs gives you that sinking feeling you get when you watch a horror movie. Slowly I descended into the darkness, and found myself holding my breath. Releasing it, I tried to keep my breaths even. I've always been a paranoid person, dark places aren't my dream spot.
Finally the stairs came to an end. Other than a few dimmed hall lamps, the second floor hallway stretched into darkness, and at it's end were the stairs to the commons. I advanced across it's carpeted floors with caution. I heard the squeaking of bedsprings, a few vulgarities shouted out followed by a loud “Shhhh”.
Animalistic lust really, I doubted there was any love in the relationship. Though that may of just been pessimism on my part. Sleep began to tug at my eyelids. I needed to get that caffeine fast, before I collapsed.
I only got halfway down the hallway before another door burst open, this time it wasn't a drunken woman. Rather it was a muscular man, I recognized him from the football team. He wasn't wearing anything, a sight that would forever scar my memories.
He reeked of sweat, and other bodily secretions. He was followed by a bombardment of various objects. “YOU JERK OFF!” I heard a female voice shout from within. Apparently Mr. Muscles here had pissed off his woman, but I really didn't have the time to deal with it. I just wanted to get my soda, get back to my room, and finish my paper.
But as fate would have it, I was being hid behind by a rather large naked man, as an attractive woman who'd I'd otherwise be pleased to see naked, pelted me with shoes, books, a used condom to my dismay. I'd have to wash that off later, a bonsai tree, a football trophy, that one hurt when it hit me. Little plastic footballs are sharp.
When the assault had finally ceased, I had a few new openings that I hadn't left the room with. Not to mention the fact that there was a naked man so close to my ass didn't comfort me in the slightest.
Escaping them I had finally made it to the stairs. I sprinted down them, two stairs at a time, simply leaping for the last five. There it was, before me, the vending machine I had came all this way for, my holy grail. I reached into my pocket for the dollar, producing it, I put it into the machine, then jammed the Mountain Dew button. But nothing came out. “A dollar twenty five” the display read. I searched my pockets for a quarter, nothing. Not even two dimes and a nickel, my heart sank.

Comic The Mutha Flippin God of Airsoft

Rockin the WTF face.
CLEARLY AN OUTRAGE! CLEARLY!
wait what?
last edited on July 18, 2011 10:14AM

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