3rd Party Fantasy

Author notes

#9 Fairwell to Lackies

Evil Emperor Nick

on Jan. 24, 2006

I realize I rant about and make reference to and will likely speak on again the process of attracting and attractive female into a presumably monogamous romantic relationship/encounter which may or may not result in a second date.

I don’t wish to give the wrong impression females and the attraction there of is not the only thing I think about. In fact I would list the order I think about things probably goes.

1. Myself ( I really never get tired of this subject. I’m very important to me. In fact I could and DO go on and on about me. )
2. Creative stuff type things
3. The Advancement of me and my creative type stuff
4. Long Black Coats
5. Evil
6. Females and the dating there of
7. My friends
8. Penguins
9. Movies & Video and Computer Games
10. Lunch

So clearly as this illustrates I have a fairly diverse set of interest of which females just happen to be a part of. The reason they come up so much is because I’ve a far better success record with the other 9 items on my list while females and there of tends to be something of a trouble spot. Consequently despite it placement on the list it require considerably more consideration and care then the other items on the list.

I am a rather secure male, which is good because generally it means I don’t feel pressured to engage in idiotic and often masochistic behavior in order to ironically prove I’m security in my manliness. However this combined with my natural bishie (The Japanese word saying girly-man) physique and mannerisms I have developed the power to instantly become friends with females. In older anime based cultures they have wisely developed a cultural mind set which attracts females instantly this type of man, often 5 or six at a time. (Note: Females may or may not have super powers but invariably will insist on obtrusively placing themselves in the live of the male they admire and/or adore) However in western cultures this tends to result in friendship which in western culture is much like a mutation into a little explored third gender which it is theorized to reproduce asexually. Ironically often the more insecure and thus prone to macho displayed and general insensitivity, the more likely he is to attract a female and subsequently break up with her. Note to females friends I treasure you all and your wonderful, I’m very happy and never ever would consider dating you……not that your unattractive or anything just that were good friends and treasure that friendship and would never date a friend, well not never date a friend just not any of you er um…….I like women with blue hair!!!!!

I’ve become painfully aware of my effeminate qualities recently in which I rented a powerful girls DVD because it contained a cute bubbles episode I had never seen the end of, got a birthday card for a co-worker with cute little kittens (hehe they were fluffy), offered interior design advice, talked about finding new hair stylist, and advised my mother on the best pair of earrings to go with her outfit. Of course this is counter balanced with some strict male dominated activities I engage in peeing standing up, D&D, being grossed out by ‘female gynecological’ products, an appreciation for the comfort level of boxer briefs etc. etc. From my perceptive this makes me a well balanced master piece of sophistication and charm (The Power Puff Girls if for all ages, I DON’T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!), and as with so many things the trick is to bring unsuspecting females around to my perspective. Her in is where the art form falls appart.

Example

Nick: Hi
Blue Haired Female: Hello
Nick: Oh that is a nice shirt
BHF: Hmmm oh, thanks.
Nick: So do you like Anime?
BHF: Oh some, but I like manga more. The anime and video games just are never as good as the original.
Nick: Marry me.
BHF: Hmm I haven’t seen that one, is it like “His and Her Circumstances” that is a great one, on and don’t you just LOVE the outfits in that serries. They are so cute!!!!
Nick:Say you don't have a twin sister by chance do you?
BHG: Of course, she is 9 though. Time warp.
Nick: Well it figures.
BHG: Huh?
Nick: Er…well it happens.
BHG: Hey maybe we could go shopping together some time.
Nick: Hehehe Oh sure, I need new shoes anyway.
BHF: Yay! I’ll bring my boyfriend and my Ex, it will be fun. I just love, love, love making new friends!
Nick: Me too, and on the way I can tell you all about myself and my black coats!! I love, love, love long black coats.

So what does this mean really? Not much I just don’t want you all to think me shallow. The next time I rant about boys and girl, bird, bees, females bird-bee mutants girl attacking boys, or related subjects.