3rd Party Fantasy

Author notes

#11 And now Drama

Evil Emperor Nick

on Jan. 26, 2006

I’ve been thinking of making a 3PF forum. I’m a big fan of forums and an active member of Charby’s forum, but I’m not sure many people would populate it and honestly I don’t have much art to put up there sooooo I don’t know.

Rant

I have found a new measuring stick to throw myself against recently in www.wikipedia.org. Which maintains entries for what it considers to be elite comics, though I have some serious questions about their definition given the fact that they have an entry for such dubious heroes as Resurrection man who’s power so far has not served him well as the character and the series has remained soundly dead almost since its conception.

It has become my objective to gain a wikipedia entry and become the number one search for ‘Stroffolino’ on Google. Both honors are currently held by Chris Stroffolino (Relation second cousin) for his several books on poetry and his apparent association with the band ‘Silver Jews’.

To that end I need to gain some sort of note worthy status. Apparently ‘The Evil Empire Awards’ an awards event I hold annually on DD (NO the EE awards are not even mentioned in the Drunk Duck’s wikipedia entry nor am I.) offering some recognition to the top comics of DD given the somewhat unreliability of our top 50 list due to the pattycake nature of the DD comment system. (Would someone explain to Volts that no one cares to go around finding comics they hate and 1 rate them out of the top 50 so we might be screamed at by the authors and their friends or knock our favorite comic off the top 50 because they made panel 7 crooked.) Such injustice I tell you.

Which brings me to the subject of today’s rant ‘siblings’. Wikipedia opens their entry on siblings (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siblings) with this: Sibling is a generic term meaning brother or sister; that is, someone who shares a father and a mother with the person being referenced. Generally, this means that the two people are very closely genetically related, though, in the case of adoption, this isn't necessarily the case.

And next to this is a picture of an brother and sister combo, which I suspect may be a left over nazi propaganda picture given the fact that both have perfect blond hair and blue eyes (glowing evil red in the picture) and the fact that these two siblings are apparently getting along at the time this photo was taken (No offense to Blake and Ashley the individuals featured in the article). Anyone with a genetically similar parental spawn will tell you that this picture is a gross misrepresentation of sibling dynamic.

Siblings are a depressing subject, particularly if you are the oldest, because it means for whatever reason your parents obviously found some flaw in you that was so glaring that they felt the need to try another genetic crack shot. Also and probably worse that your parents had sex at least twice.

Siblings are annoying for two reasons. First off because they are on some level similar to you and secondly because they are different from you. Which is worse? I’ve never been able to tell.

Siblings are grouped into three catagorize the oldest, whom by virtue of being born first have been or so they will tell you, endowed with great powers of intelligence, virtue, sophistication and wisdom (similar to the quickening power of the Highlander series) in there short time on earth before the arrival of subsequent siblings. Sadly as any younger siblings will soon learn ths mystical energy is totally drained and consumed by first born children meaning any younger siblings are inherently inferior and must be constantly corrected by the older sibling because of this. As time goes on however younger siblings must be avoided at all costs lest they attempt to steal this mystical power which is why older siblings get their own room first, don’t play with younger siblings and may on occasion tie siblings to trees. The crux of their existence is naturally to excel at everything by virtue of their longer limbs and taller height and to laud this over their brother and sisters. However due to there inherent superiority they are often the favorite of parents to attempt to domesticate and tame for household work.

Next we have middle children. Middle children are not in fact born, they like moths metamorphose. Middle children start off as the youngest, also referred to as the baby, youngling, and frequently by their older siblings name particularly when a relative is flustered. Middle children vary somewhat depending on how long they took to complete their transformation into a middle child making them less uniform then either older or youngest children. Sometimes a middlechild will retain aspects of its previous state as baby sibling but this is the exception rather then the rule and most frequently the transformation is total and sweeping. It should be noted since unlike eldest children, which emerge fully developed from parents perfect in every way, middle children transform; it is possible to have either no or many middle children. In the case of several middle children often form packs for mutual survival. Packs of middle children are however prone to constant infighting for top position usually only unifying if an outside threat from another sibling endangers the whole. Middle children tend to have a more pragmatic view of the world as they realize more quickly then other siblings that life ‘isn’t fair’ which is a common cry among these packs. Middle children are generally incapable of competing with oldest siblings for the reasons explained above but attempt to compensate by developing a keen observational sense for advantages given to other siblings and denied them thus keeping things fair. Middle children are scavenger by nature quickly taking up the cast off clothing and toys from the elder siblings. As with most scavengers they are opportunistic often taking any object that strays to far from another sibling and picking off the weak or sickly usually in the form of baby siblings.

Lastly comes baby siblings. Baby siblings are not a true species unto themselves as they are in reality middle siblings who have simply failed to finish their metamorphosis due to over mothering. As such they are sometimes taken in by smaller packs of middle children especially if threatened by a particularly powerful elder sibling. Lacking both the inherent power of elder siblings and the pack instincts of middle siblings baby or youngest siblings tend to develop a close parasitic bond with their parents. When confronted they will often emit a shrill cry in an attempt to call a parent figure. Baby siblings tend to have a psychic connection to their genetic providers. This psychic connection can manifest itself in several ways but most commonly as a force which removes parental inhibition and grants preference towards the child. Youngest children will instinctively attempt to form a similar bond with anyone paying the sibling too much attention but rarely as effectively. Baby siblings are natural imitators and will often mime siblings to lull them into a false sense of security. Baby siblings however are notoriously fickle and will turn on other siblings rapidly if provoked reverting to their natural defense mechanisms. Despite this however they are often easily avoided as they are actively segregated from the other two taller breeds of siblings in many public places like pools, amusement parks, libraries etc. etc.

Well I hope that was an informative look on the behavior and breed of human respawns. Ladies and Gentlemen be sure to hug your siblings tonight but keep on hand a blunt object in case the need arises for rapid and forcible detachment, I’m off to modify some wikipedia entries.