3rd Party Fantasy

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#13 May I have your attention please?

Evil Emperor Nick

on Jan. 28, 2006

I am a red mage, philosophically speaking of course. If you will indulge me for a moment to explain to the non-gamer the history of the red mage. Red Mage was and is a character class populating the final fantasy video game series. Final Fantasy one and all characters there in are based of Dungeons and Dragons. Virtually all parties were made up of a fighter, one white mage, and one black mage. This left one slot open for either the black belt, the red mage, or the thief if you were a glutton for punishment (Sadly FF established the concept of worthless dead weight thief character, who in exchange for 3 years of your life in time and frustration turns into a ninja whom may or may not kick butt depending on the series). Red Mage was based off the bard class of sort of jack of all trades from the D&D game, however the Japanese in their infinite wisdom realize that there were no epic tales of bard and that as a concept it was rather stupid to play as one singing merrily trying to inspire his friend to fight harder as they are turned in piles of burn partly jellies goo from a blast of dragon fire. In fact the only way bards could be helpful was to annoy the enemy sufficiently as to take a moment to shoot the bard in the chest with a poisoned tipped arrow before attempting to slay the rest of the party. The Red Mages on the other hand were over powered whirlwinds mastering almost all swords (The games almost exclusive fighting weapon worth mentioning), constructive and destructive magic. Often time red mages would be would used to pull the parties through long dungeons single handedly so that other party members could conserve their power for the final boss battles. Sadly Red Mages tended to be worthless in boss battles, not because they lacked the power to attack or support but because almost universally the first thing the monster would be to reach out with one or more of its horrible claw covered and often tentacle like appendages and horribly kill the hell out of a red mage. Generally speaking they did a little bit of everything and unlike many of their more �balance� (a pop word like cyber surfing or normalcy which loosely translated means �crapified�) counter parts, they did everything fairly well even if not as good as the specialty class. Later on they added the concept of �double cast� to the class allowing them to do two things at once in theory allowing them to go both and offense and defense at the same time, a concept no other character concept could boast except perhaps for the paladins.

Now minutes the horrible molesting and killing part I�m very much into the Red Mage�s philosophy of being diversified. While I am inherently a writer my current job employs me in quality assure of software (Yes it is cool to be assigned the job of breaking things for living most days), meanwhile I seek to develop both dramatic, comedic, adventure, and romantic writing styles, I make fledgling attempts at art which have yeiled some minor successes now and then, as well as working out physically. Now why you, might ask, would you want to be a doctor when you could be surgeon? Or if you were like my brother why would you want to be a grunt when you could be a rocket sniper (Yes I know that rocket and sniping usually don�t go together and this is why I frequently pistol whip him to death, virtually of course).

You see by specializing you broadcast that you are good at something and then inevitably people want you do to do that thing. By not specializing I am inevitably passed over in the favor pool for someone infinitely more qualified. Yet at the same time inevitably when a subject is brought up one possess just enough information to BS yourself through the conversation once again fooling friend and associates, however be careful not to over do it or one losses the exception from favors status. Generally it is assumed because you know things that you are also somehow actually clever or intelligent. For example lets see how a specialist would handle a situation verses a reg mage.

Question: Can You have Rome built in a day?
Specialist: No (Factually true it is impossible)
Red Mage: I don't know why not (Also factually true he doesn�t know the reasons why it can�t be done)

Inevitably the red mage gets the contract and then pays the specialist to do it for him.

Specialization almost invariably requires years of hard work, education, experience, and dedication. Meanwhile jacking it of all trades only requires a few popular magazines each month and a careful practice of answering questions ambiguously or with another question. If someone threatens your point one subject with their superior knowledge change the subject, dismiss them as if they know nothing, or attack them personally to once again secure yourself as knowing �something�. The most important parts of being a red mage type is to never let people get a clear idea of what you really are supposed to know, but leaving them with the vague impression you might just know anything. For the less scrupulous this can be easily achieved but simply stealing people�s mail and reading it. While for the morally aligned this is better achieved through the stating of random obscure facts to impressing people.

No some might suggest that this in fact doesn�t embody the red mage philosophy of being diversified but in fact but in fact is closer to the thief idea of being worthlessly not good at anything but stealthily fooling everyone into thinking your valuable without expecting much out of you. But you would be wrong and stupid now wouldn�t you? Anyway did you know butterflies taste with their feet?