3rd Party Fantasy

#16 Don't Judge Me

Author notes

#16 Don't Judge Me

Evil Emperor Nick
on

Hmmmmmm readers we have an interesting dilemma. With the buzz comics incentive needing filling I’ve decided to start a new mini-comic to fill that spot. I’m not sure what it will be yet, more on that as I figure it out more.

Rant

Role playing is an art and I love roll playing. Sadly I’m not the best role player. I have three problems when role playing. First and for most I’m a 3rd Option sort of guy. So when the DM says the passage goes right or left, I usually want to try and explain why I should be allowed to make a customized character class that can divide himself into many small demonic penguins with enchanted spiked helmets of castration +3, and go right, left, and up. Needless to say this bothers most Game Master. Though this is fine with me because most game masters have secretly written a hack version of Lord of Jedi set in feudal japan with dragons playing the symbolic rolls of transformers just for a touch of class, and basically see players as children who need to be taken by the hand to walked through their epic quest which has only on way to do anything. So if they wanted me to go left and I said right at that very moment space elves should show up and blow up the right passage way, the way back, several monuments before it started to rain and they all melted, mean while I would be left with the important task of rolling to see if my character remember to breath during all this so I feel like I contributed.

Second I have only two models of characters. Character who are not me, and thusly often times do thing not in their best interests because it is there character and characters who are like me and there for are interested in reaching demi-god status before they hit level 2.

Charter type RP’s go like this:

Me: Seeing Karen desouled by the uberlich my character screams her name, tears flowing flowing down his cheeks he runs towards and clutches her limp body. He wispers words of healing over her.
Player 1: DUDE why are you wasting our healing spells! She is dead!
Me: My character likes her, he would have to try.
Player 2: Oh come on you know she has the ring of convenient explanation on. She’ll be back in like 20 minutes as a angel-wright. Don’t screw that up.
Me: But my character doesn’t know that!
GM: As you go to move on 30th level NPC Groog the invincible (who is nothing like that character I used to play and tell you guys about all the time) grabs and stuffs you into his bag of abundant kittens.

Power Hungery RP’s go like this.
Player 1: Hey look like the golbins are holding those church folk hostage
Player 2: Hmm looks like we might have to talk with them or something
Me: Fire ball, kills all the goblins and the towns people, Since I’m violent neutral I get XP for killing both.

So you might ask if I don’t like the way people play the game why don’t I GM? Well that brings me to point three I don’t GM well. I just take things as they come and make it up as I go.

Player 1: Is there a secret door there?
Me: Hmmm that seems like a good stop for one. *Rolls dice* Ummm it is a 8 so yea I guess there is.
Player 2: Sweet what is inside of it.
Me: Ummmm a smog monster.
Player 1: What?
Me: Well and I time machine, the smog monster is coming out of the time machine. And Dr. Who is there, the Tom Baker one. On yea and the smog monster looks like Sean Connery. “Prepare to di-fend yourselves from my doom flame!” he says.
Player 1 & 2: …………………………………..

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