3rd Party Fantasy

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#27 From bad to worse

Evil Emperor Nick

on Feb. 11, 2006

I’m not going to be back till late tonight so here is a little mini-rant I whipped up before I had to dash off with friends.

Rant

Recently I have been taking my efforts for self improvement to the next level, disturbingly much of this self improvement seems to have the side effect of making me more effeminate.

Points of Self Improvement

1. Getting in purrrrrrrrrfect shape
Intention: My family had LOADS of health problems form heart conditions, to strokes, to diabetes so if I want to be able to feed myself in my golden years it seems like I’m going to need to make my body a temple to inhome workout equipment and refraining from consuming anything in my fridge not part of the cooling equipment.
Effect: I end up saying things like, “No thanks I’m dieting” or “I need to go shopping, none of my outfits fit me anymore”

2. Dressing for success
Intention: Improving my outwards appearance in an attempt to creative a positive impression of myself both a person and a single male human. My previous method was find any two clothing articles that are black and make sure they cover your genitals before leaving.
Effect: 30 minutes in the bathroom, combined with question like “What does this look on me?”

3. Less games more projects
Intention: By making better use of my time I’ll improve my writing and move myself one step closer to my own table at conventions where tones of hot girls in cosplay outfits pay me money for my products.
Effect: Well I am getting better but most those girls at the conventions would probably be guys cross dressing as their favorite Sailor Moon character.

4. Attempting to expand my dating circle.
Intention: Meet a nice young lady who shares my interests and compliments my personality and who I do the same for. Then assuming she is single the aim is to court her.
Effect: “Yes, obviously your hot and I’m very much attracted to you on a physical level, but tell me do you enjoy sprite web comics? Huh? Wait where are you going? Am I not sensitize enough? *Cries*”

Incidentally respecting women and not oogling at their cleavage (The second most favorite activity of most males, the number one activity is of course destroying brain cells with booze while watching other men hurt them selves in an organized event, but since the introduction of cheer leaders they have been lucky enough to do both.) is a good way to get yourself made fun of by other guys. Also if a woman asks you to do something because “You’re a guy” telling them “Hey your equal” doesn’t score you any points.

5. Moisturize
Intention: Hey I work in a 30 degree air condition lab all day, my skin is in a constant state of trying to peel away from my body. This is self defense!
Effect: I’m moisturizing and pampering my skin lowering my guy factor by three points but giving me a silky smooth feeling all over.

Well mini rant must end here as I need to dash. Be well and treat the other sex nicely every one, I’m off to play cards and buy some more hair gel.