3rd Party Fantasy

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#40 Hello Officer

Evil Emperor Nick

on Feb. 24, 2006

I've been up for a looooooooong time so forgive me if this rant sucks.

Rant

I’ve recently in a freak accident I was exposed to some of The Decemberists. I was in the car driving my brother back to college when suddenly without warning he shoved an unknown compact disk into my CD player. Suddenly from out of my speakers came the utterings of story telling musical muses which permeated my being fusing with my cerebellum. There were two basic types of songs on the CD I listened two, first the sort of Ben Folds soft popish rock and second what I can only describe as pirate rock which I enjoyed quite a bit. Suddenly mercantile style accordions, brass, classic guitar, electric guitar, cello, drums, maracas, tambourines, and more were all playing together for a strange and strangely pleasing sound telling a story of ghosts, sailors, orphans, widows, and poor & wretched boys. Which was fine by me because there is only so many times I can hear about love happy happy sex love or how a band wants to “Take it to end” or is being “Pushed to far” before you want to wretch the radio from your car and toss out the window. (Not this temptation also comes up when someone cuts me off in traffic.)

No when I find a song I enjoy the music too I put it on loop while I work on a project so I hear it over and over again till I tune the whole thing out without being driven insane by some guys screaming “MYYYYYYYYYYY WAY NOW, YOU’LL ALL, COME AND BOWWWWWWWW” or something equally cliche and self indulgent. So at this point I’ve listened to the CD about 48 times in the course of the work week, but I’ve become extremely productive (read not spinning about in swivel chair at work anymore), however I’m thinking maybe it is time to get a new CD, particularly as my co-workers have begun to twitch when the come into the lab and that song is playing. So aside from getting more Decemberists I’m curious if anyone has any suggests for good instrumentally different engaging yet also rocking and enjoyable music.

Which actually brings up a humorous incident that occurred to me during my tenure over at a movie store. I was working the counter on day while “Rapper” (read person who can talk while music plays behind him) M&M’s Anger Management Tour was in town. Now if you couldn’t tell from the intro I’m not really into ©rap music. Anyway so a guy come up the counter with some “adult” (read deviant) movies. So naturally I ask for his identification as I wanted to keep my job (something I would later regret but I digress). The individual looked at me as if I had just informed him that mud was actually wet dirt. And from there things went like this.

Rappster: Is this a joke?
Me: No my jokes are funnier.
Rappster: Don’t you know who I am.
Me: Obviously not.
Rappster: Your kidding, I’m with Anger Management. You sell my DVD’s here.
Co-Worker: Yea we don’t look at them unless boobs are involved.
Me: You are blunt but honest.
Rappster: #$@#@

*At this point the Rappster goes over to the DVD section and starts looking through it.*

Me: What do you this is sadder? That this guy isn’t famous and he thinks he is, or that he is famous and feels the need to prove it too us?
Co-Worker: I think it pathetic that he thinks he is famous but still need to buy porn.

*The Rappster storms out and we never hear from him again*

Many of meetings with famous or quasi-famous individuals have gone similarly. While working at a grocery store I had this meaningful exchange with Tom Hanks.

Tom: Excuse me, where is the garlic?
Me: Over there.
Tom: Thanks.
Me to myself: ……..Nope I really just don’t enjoy helping others………..
Hysterical co-worker moment later: Oh my GOD what did he say?
Me: What?
Co-worker: Tom Hanks! Did you ask for his autograph? Did you shake his hand?
Me: What?
Co-worker: That was Tom Hanks, I saw his credit card when he check out! What did he say.
Me: Oh well he asked for the garlic and then told me about the bodies.
Co-Worker: What?
Me: The bodies, from the accident.
Co-Worker: What?
Me: When was filming that last movie, the huge accident! It was in the papers.
Co-Worker: Really?
Me: No of course not. He just asked for garlic, he wanted to cook with it and that wasn’t Tom Hanks. [Incidentally I am reasonably sure it either was Tom Hanks or someone with massive identity issues who looked like/changed his name too Tom Hanks at this point.]
*At this point my co-worker walked off dejected, later on she would throw stuff at me.*

Anyway the point is pirates have been forever ruined by Disney but pirate rock is pretty cool. So please feel free to give some suggestions, I’m off to buy more Decemberists.