3rd Party Fantasy

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#95 Twilight Zone

Evil Emperor Nick

on May 4, 2006

Paddington Bear was a very boring bear, or so my father told me. Most American’s won’t remember Paddington Bear. As a child I got a large stash of British movies as child Dr. Who, Paddington Bear, & when I got older Monty Python. Of course with these came a few questions. As child I found Mr. Roger’s Pittsburgh accents was strange and curious so as you can image the British really threw me for a loop.

For example Paddington Bear had a most interesting habit of announcing almost everything he said, did, thought or decided. So I tapped my universal source for information around the world at age 5, my parents. My mother helpfully told me: “Well that’s just something British people do.”

Well for better or worse such advice shaped much of my development. I grew up under the delusion that British people announce almost everything conceivable and that this along with almost anything British people did in mass was sophisticated. So to this day I have a now apparently unique habit of announcing myself. Apparently much of my childhood was filled with similar disinformation resulting in behavior totally incomprehensible to others.

Needless to say I was shocked when I actually started to meet some people from England and learned much to my surprise they didn’t announce themselves. Much to my disappointment I’ve found many things previously stated as fact to be somewhat false. Don’t even get my started on ground-hogs.

Well sorry but I need to cut this short here.

-Empire Out