3rd Party Fantasy

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#100 Fan Art (Amelius)

Evil Emperor Nick

on May 11, 2006

I should have to tell you this was done for me by Amelius but I will anyway in case you are new.

I'm going to start working on a new side project for the summer. A small hand book/journal by Vance DeRas on adventuring. Part of it will include a column style bit from Vance. If you have question please ask. If I think of something funny to say back I'll include it in the book. ^_^

Rant

It is amazing what people need to be told. It seems like everyday you hear a new and amazing study that highly paid academic types have spent years researching only to confirm what everyone already knew. Fast food will make you fat. Women like to shop. Credit cards get people in trouble. Water is wet. Godzilla destroys Tokyo. Each one of these is almost sadly taken seriously and painstakingly studied.

When your 3 year old cousin comes up to you and tells you watching to much TV is bad for you, well it is sort of cute and you just want to hug him or her. When a highly paid research scientist announces it on some news show it is annoying and leaves me with the urge to seek this person on and smack him about a few times for wasting the collective oxygen.

I mean at work all the computers have MSN as the home page so whenever you log on and see some new article on relationships with sexy either subtly or explicitly being part of the article. Now the decay of western society aside, seriously if your getting you love advice from Microsoft you must be reaaaaaaaaally lonely. I mean if your learning about boys & girls, birds & bees from an internet home page you must have missed a few talks with your parents. And I’m sorry to tell you this but if you need to read a new article on sex & how to meet people every week well I suggest you get a life & some self confidence or join a celibate religious order now ‘cause clearly, your either not doing it or not doing it right (probably both) and either way ewwwwwww.

However I cannot deny that clearly some people need to be told the painfully obvious. Classic example, I’m working at a movie store a few years back and a your typical parent child combo. The child asks, in a most whiny voice, if they can get a video. The parent quickly surrenders under the verbal assault and tells the child to get a cartoon. The child brings to counter “Wicked City”. For those of you lucky enough NOT to have seen this movie let me explain. Wicked City is the inspiration for Men in Black, down to the over sized gun throwing the hero around. Just taken out the aliens and insert demons. Well that and Wicked City while unrated is like NC-55. It is easily the violent, disgusting, perverted, and ridiculous movie I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing. Needless to say this movie shouldn’t be watched by kids.

I look at the movie, then at the parent again.

Me: Your….buying this?
Kid: Yes its MINE!!!!
Parent: Just ring it up.
Me: You do know its not a kids movie right?
Parent (Speaking as if I had just told her it was a jellybean flavored banana): It’s a cartoon.
Me: It is called ‘Wicked City’ The girl is almost naked on the cover. They are disemboweling a woman on the back. It says it is gore-fest! It’s a got a sexy demon in it. Did you read the back? Did you LOOK at the cover???????????
Parent: Soooo I shouldn’t get it for my kid?
Me (Fighting Extreme temptations of both sarcasm and violence) : …….No, you really shouldn’t.
Parent: Oh, how odd.
Me: Yes, how odd, how very sadly, sadly, sadly odd.
Parent: Go pick out another one honey.
Child: I want this one, the man is tearing off the elf’s clothing, it looks funny!
Parent: Okay dear.
Me: …………………………………………………………………………urge to kill rising.
Parent: What?
Me: Oh ho, ho nooooothing.

So be sure to NOT watch Wicked City everyone one, I’m off to change the home pages at work to the BBC.

-Empire Out