Applied Living

Author notes

Inkling

acadia

on Dec. 2, 2007

Oh, children who wander this sin-stamped earth, despoiled by toil and tribulation in the soil and mud of mortality: Be at peace! Cease your grinding jaws and hanging, worried hands. I answer your prayers and send to you a chapter of my scripture, a page of my holy word, writ by glorious hands for divine purposes; a sanctimonious, serendipitous vignette timely enough for the dawn of this day.

And with it, I make my own triumphant return.

It is like John Elway (fourth-quarter-comeback king of the NFL) being trained as a Jedi (famous for their return against the Empire), but also having been born the Son of God (hence possessing powers of resurrection).

This leads me, even amongst the radiant rays of my deific halo and aura, to an intriguing observation:

These rants, these little bits of enlightenment in prose and verse, are built exclusively on similes and metaphors. And, as I'm sure everyone will readily admit, Applied Living itself is built exclusively on these rants, not on the actual pages of the comic. Therefore, let it be said: Applied Living runs on metaphors/similes.

Interestingly enough, the donut company Dunkin' Donuts utilizes the fallacious slogan "America runs on Dunkin'". That of itself is a metaphor of sorts, establishing America as a great machine or vehicle and Dunkin' Donuts the fuel that allows it to function. Therefore, by extension and the law of metaphors stating that "all metaphors, regardless of subject matter or content, coarise from one another and are intricately linked through the metaphysical subtleties of the universe": Applied Living runs on metaphors, America runs on Dunkin', and Dunkin' runs on metaphors.

Therefore:
1.) Applied Living is synonymous to Dunkin' Donuts.
2.) Every Applied Living page is equal to a single Dunkin' donut.
3.) With each update, Applied Living is feeding the world.
4.) With every rant I write, I stave off world hunger that much more.

Am I not the best? Am I not the greatest? Bow and be gracious, and my bounties and providence shall continue to be bestowed upon you, my chosen people.

–Shaun

(PS by Dave – Shaun's tootin' his own horn a bit, eh? Don't take him seriously, he's an unconfident kid at heart =P)