Applied Living

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OctoPIE

acadia

on Dec. 7, 2007

This rant has a point. Odd and freakish, eh?

Ignoring the fact that it was released a good while ago, I finally watched "Transformers" this evening. I kind of missed out on the cartoon series, but I remember once being well-versed in the 'original' movie (the one with Unicron). Not enough to be a fanatic, but enough to be fond of and familiar with the mass-space defying robots.

This isn't meant to be a review, but I thought it was a pretty good movie. Like I said, not fanatical enough to be bothered by some of the changes in vocals and appearance; I actually kind of liked them. They should have spent more time on the Transformers themselves, though, instead of just giving them a name and a one- or two-line introduction that doubled as a demonstration/description of their personality/character.

HOWEVER.

How could Optimus Prime be such a pushover? I understand he's always been apt to getting his ass kicked around, but, I mean, how could he be such a flop in the fight against Megatron? I can't understand it. You've got the leaders of two groups of stories-high, arsenal-armed mechs going at it. One stands for the Enlightenment virtue of liberty, the other stands for egoism and the evisceration of individual will. It's a pretty basic, pretty cliched duality, but that isn't the reason for such an incomprehensible gaff on the part of presentation or storytelling.

The writer/director (Bay, was it?) did a good job of setting up the scene: an established urban center. Skyscrapers are representative of significance, pointed pinnacles and monuments to the able, accomplishing hand of man. They produce a lot of rubble. They emphasize the sheer size of the Transformers themselves. Cities equal grandiosity in every aspect.

Megatron is also solidly established. He enters the movie with his declaration of "I am Megatron!" He's bent his followers to his own ego and glorification. Once they hit the screen, we get an "All hail Megatron!" out of them. Later on, you've got him tearing Jazz (I believe it was) in two pieces, sickeningly easy. Megatron is clearly defined as a character who is all about domination, he himself being the dominator.

Prime is also set up decently. His doctrine of "Freedom for all sentient beings" and belief that humans should be able to pursue their own divinity and pureness, rather than being taught forcefully by the Autobots, automatically sets him in opposition to Megatron. He's got flames. He's got a nifty arm-sword, and a legionnaire-esque name. He even demonstrates the ability to light it up when he wants (seen by him ruining one of the Decepticons on the highway). Subtly outlined, but still a palpable character.

So, that leaves us with a metropolis (destroyable environment; symbol of importance, achievement, power, etc.), Optimus Prime (giant robot; symbol of nobility, benevolence, and liberty), and Megatron (giant robot; symbol of malevolence and domination). Everything that you'd ever need for an epic showdown, even that of an intellectual nature, right?

Megatron manhandles Prime in a minute or two and that's that. Letdown.

Even still, there's some hope for that scenario. Megatron has come through and lives up to his purpose as an avatar of domination. I mean, he just dominated Optimus Prime. Completely. So recognize that. Give him the victory. Give him the human race to enslave. He's the stronger character, the better man, the champion. Recognize that, and give him what is due. But, no. By definition, villains and antagonists are foredefeated challengers of fate.

To have Optimus Prime come out on top is disappointing. He wasn't even the one to defeat Megatron, for Voltron's sake. Shake things up a bit, change convention. The protagonist (I guess he wasn't exactly the protagonist in the movie, but in the greater scheme of things, he is) didn't earn his keep, didn't bring home the bread, or the bacon. Kill him off and give us someone who can actually go toe to toe with Megatron, so we can have that momentous, monumental confrontation that we'll salivate over for years.

Yeah, Optimus stuck to his guns and let the guy choose (as opposed to choosing for him) who was going to get the All Spark to the chest, but that does nothing for me or the narrative structure (or lack of competent structuring at a crucial moment in the production).

My diagnosis/the reason why Optimus and the Autobots suck? The caliber of their corporate endorsements, in comparison to that of the Decepticons, is pitiful (see: the Mountain Dew bot).

My solution? America runs on Dunkin' (which, as proven in my last rant, equals Applied Living) and democracy, and it's a great nation. Optimus runs on democracy and being ruined by his adversaries, like France, and that's a crappy nation.

Therefore: Optimus Prime + Applied Living = The Ability To Actually Fight Megatron Like A Man And Thus Provide Us With A Satisfying Hero-Villain Duel That Is Epic And Awesome In Nature

Simple enough, eh?

–Shaun