Boredom Comics

#50: That doesn't rule out loud grunting sounds, right?

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#50: That doesn't rule out loud grunting sounds, right?

Vagabond
on

Y'know, I haven't written any reviews in this spot for awhile. I mean, I've still been seeing movies (Little Miss Sunshine is an orgasm for each sense, fyi) so I really don't know why I haven't. So, here goes.

I saw the Black Dahlia on Friday. Now, I'm as big a film noir fan as everybody else (… hey, I saw most of Chinatown!) but… this was crap. I mean, I never thought I'd ever, ever say this, but the Scarlett Johansson sex scene just -wasn't- enough for me to like this movie. The lines were cheesy, ("She looks like that dead girl! You're sick!") the violence is gratuitous (meaning it isn't coming from Jason Statham, Steven Segal, or Bruce Lee) and in the last 20 minutes, you felt like the writers remembered that this was a movie and not a $8.50 waste of 2 hours so they started just making crap up.

And this wasn't "Bruce Willis turns out to be dead all along" crap. It was more like,

"Man, wouldn't it be awesome if it turns out that guy did it all!?"
"Yeah, that'd be badass! Make sure we a really close-up shot of Josh Hartnett's face!"
"Dude, totally! Everyone knows that a man who looks like a middle-aged Asian is awesomeness in a can!"


Needless to say, when the end of the movie finally came, I was enraged. With the credits barely beginning their boring roll, I stood up, and booed! I booed until my throat was sore, then I began grunting my disapproval and demands of a refund.

Unfortunately, my pants were still down in preparation of the unfortunately-fizzled Johansson sex scene, so I may have sent mixed messages.

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