Dick Hammer

Author notes

13

Chris Wisnia

on Sept. 11, 2007

Wow, what intrigue! What happens next? We hope you too are enjoying DICK HAMMER'S DAILIES so far, fans!

This is just a quick reminder (from our sponsors) that our feature is sponsored by Ellis Christie's "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour!

We can't wait for you to see an extra special bonus treat we've got cooked up for you! That's right! You guessed it! The "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour has graciously donated some of their most popular episodes from the 1940's and '50's, featuring their most brutal, violent, and disturbing hardboiled crime radio shows! Look forward to these upsetting, unsettling, and sometimes sickening samples, every chapter or so of Dick Hammer's dailies! And be sure to tune in to the "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour every Friday evening!

Thanks for reading, and for supporting our sponsor, the "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour! Here's a classic, memorable episode right now! Followed by this week's exciting Dick Hammer daily, "The Bride Wore Death!"
Enjoy!
-Rob Oder, Editor-in-Chief

* * *

[Sound of rain on concrete. Footsteps approaching]
[orchestra swells]
[footsteps quicken, then suddenly stop]
[rain beating down]
[gunshot]
[body splashes to ground, upsetting trash can]
[dog barking]

[theme song]

Announcer: Welcome to Andrew Avery's "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Dirty, Stinking, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats!

[Dripping faucet]

Timid voice: C'mon, guys, I…I swear…I told you everything I know. I…
[silence]
Timid: I swear. I don't know anything else. I…look, how about a cigarette?
[silence]
Timid: C'mon. How about it, guys? C'mon, all right?
[silence]
Timid: No? All right, that's fine. That's fine. I'll have a smoke when we're all done here. That's fine.

[footsteps.]
Timid: What, are you hungry or something? I could use some water while you're in there. My…my throat's so dry. Do you have a cup, or…

[Sound of match lighting. Sound of gas burner being turned on, lit.]
Timid: Coffee? Great. That's even better. My nerves, you know?
[water faucet turned on, left on, then turned off. Sound of teapot banging onto burner]
Timid: That's great. So we're cool, right guys?
[silence]
Timid: It's cool, I understand. You needed to know what I knew. Now you know I don't know nothin', right?
[silence]

Timid: It's all cool. Let's just all have some coffee, and you can untie me from this chair, and we're cool, right? No hard feelings. You needed to know what I knew.

[whistle of teapot. Banging of burner, whistle dies down.]
[footsteps]
[sound of teapot poured through coffee strainer]
Timid: Smells great, guys. Thanks. Thanks.
[footsteps]
Timid: Where's the cups? Where's the…What are you…?

Timid: No, wait. Oh God! No wait! Let go of me! Let go of my face! Oh God! I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
[sound of struggle. Wood chair legs thumping on linoleum. A crash and simultaneous thud]
Timid: OH GOD! OH GOD, NO!
Gruff voice: Pick him back up.
[scruff of chair legs]

Timid: Please, I'm begging you, no. No, please…I don't know anything else…
Gruff voice: Tilt his head back. That's it. Now open his eye.
Timid: OH GOD! I ALREADY TOLD YOU! PLEASE PLEASE! I…I…
[a boiling sizzling, and screaming]
Timid: OH FUCK OH GOD, MY FUCKING EYE MY FUCKING EYE! YOU FUCKS, YOU FUCKING OH GOD
[heavy breathing]
Timid: FU-U-U-U-U-U-CK!
[heavy breathing]
Timid: oh fuck, oh my fucking eye, I told you…
[breathing]
Timid: You fucking bastards, I told you I don't know anything…please…please…
[breathing]
Nasal Voice: The other eye, boss?
Gruff: No. He doesn't know anything.
[dripping faucet]

[theme song]
Announcer: Hope you enjoyed this week's "Thugs, Slugs, and Ugly Mugs" Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Dirty, Rotten, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats! Join us again next Friday!