Dick Hammer

Author notes

59

Chris Wisnia

on Jan. 13, 2008

Well, fans, we’ve finally gotten through all that dull exposition! Now, for the next five chapters, you can expect some slightly livelier exposition…at last!

Here’s a quick reminder (from our sponsors) that our feature is sponsored by Ellis Christie’s “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! For your listening pleasure, here’s one of their brutal, violent, and disturbing hardboiled crime radio shows! Enjoy this timeless classic, and then tune in to their “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour every Thursday evening! And then tune back here, next week, for Part Two of Dick Hammer:The Dailies, in… “Death, Sweet Death!”

-Rob, Editor-in-Chief

[Sound of rain on concrete. Footsteps approaching]
[orchestra swells]
[footsteps quicken, then suddenly stop]
[rain beating down]
[sound of brass knuckles cracking a jaw]
[body splashes to ground, upsetting trash can]
[dog barking]

[theme song]

Announcer: Welcome to Andrew Avery’s “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Dirty, Rotten, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats!

[Bustle of bodies. Dull crowd of voices. Alcohol being poured. Glasses chinking.]
Gruff voice: Careful, I warned you not to get him mad, Eddie…
Syrupy voice: Look, I’m just saying…
Gruff: Whoa, whoa, Eddie. Stop it right there, I said. I’m telling you, you’re gonna regret it. Lookit, his vein is starting to show.
Syrupy: THIS IS SO… God damn it. This is bullshit.
Gruff: I know, I know, I’m just saying.
[murmur of voices, clinking of bottles]
Syrupy: I mean, he’s the one in the wrong here.
Gruff: I know. We all acknowledge that. But still…
Syrupy: No, you DON’T know. I helped him out. I got him out of a hole, at my own expense, and I’ve been regretting it and suffering for it ever since. He’s had enough time. It’s time for him to make it right.
Gruff: You’re right. You’re right.
Syrupy: It’s…bullshit.
Gruff: I know, I know.
[bottles chinking together, murmuring voices]
Syrupy: He’s got to…
Gruff: Look, I’m agreeing with you. We all know ALL OF that, but YOU’VE got to understand that sometimes shit isn’t fair. And even if you’re in the right, and even if you’ve been patient, you don’t want to piss him off, so for GOD’S SAKE, can you just –
Syrupy: Then he’s gotta pull his GODDAMN OAR, GOD DAMN–
[murmured voices quiet a little]
Gruff: EDDIE, KEEP IT DOWN. Christ! Keep it down. You see that vein on the side of his forehead?
Syrupy: Yeah. He’s got to–
Gruff: You see it?
Syrupy: Yeah, I see it.
Gruff: See how you can actually see it pulsing a little.
Syrupy: I see it, I said.
[laughing in background, bottles clanking]
Gruff: That’s BAD. He’s not good at communicating his emotions. He’s quiet, right? But that’s how you can read him. It’s starting to pulse. That means he’s getting seriously pissed off. He’s about had his limit with you, and I’m telling you…
Syrupy: HE’S had HIS limit. Oh FUCK THIS, this is SUCH-
Gruff: Eddie, oh God, sit down, you’re gonna–
Syrupy: What’s he gonna do? We’re in a bar. There are people all around. Fuck this, I’m not –
[chair legs scrape, bottle breaks against table edge]
Gruff: Oh God
[table overturns, glasses sliding and breaking against floor]
[startled cries, scuffles of bodies moving in haste out of way]
Syrupy: no
[more scuffles and thumps. A startled breath. Sound of glass bottle neck puncturing skin, fast, repeatedly. THUCK, THUCK, THUCK, THUCK]
Syrupy [voice gargling]: …my face…
[THUCK, THUCK]
[thump of body onto floor]
[THUCK]
[silence]
Gruff [addressing room]: What are all you assholes looking at? Comin’ through.
[chairs scooting. Silence]
Gruff (quietly): Let’s get out of here. Bring the bottle neck. You shouldn’t have done that.
[door squeaks open, slams shut]
[sound of wind]
Gruff: He was right, you know.
Slow talker: I know, but he really pissed me off.

Announcer: Hope you enjoyed this week’s “Thugs, Mugs, and Slugs” Radio Mystery Hour! Featuring the Stinking, Rotten, No-Good, Back-Stabbing Rats! Join us again next Thursday evening!