Don Josh

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Don Josh #356: Waiter Reassurance

jercoxthealmighty

on June 16, 2010

If television commercials are supposed to be enticing me into buying a product, why do most of them seem like they're trying to annoy me into becoming a heartless sociopath?

I, as a nobody on the internet and therefore an authority on absolutely nothing yet the feeling of entitlement to offer my opinion on absolutely everything, put forward the following recommendations for future television commercials:

- never use the sound an alarm clock makes. It is the most irritating sound in the universe BY DESIGN. How are you going to get people to buy something if the commercial is annoying the hell out of you right off the bat? If anything, use the "radio" alarm to start whatever song plays throughout the commercial.

- never, EVER include children for products that do not specifically have to do with children.

- you small businesses out there, never use animation if you're not going to put a fair budget into it. Crappy bobbing-headed representations of yourselves look more creepy and stupid than funny or enticing.

- The viewers may well mostly be morons, but few of them like being addressed in that fashion. Don't talk down to us, don't yell at us, don't portray us as incapable of handling even the most basic of household tasks. I know, it's practically ubiquitous for you to do the latter-most thing, but just once I'd like to see a commercial that plays things honestly.

May be more to come, depending on how badly I want to put my fist through the TV I find myself essentially forced to watch. Because everyone loves passive-aggressive criticism…