Elijah and Azuu

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#1036 Private Life: Stiltskin

Inkmonkey

on July 14, 2006

Carmen Sandiego has to be the most dangerous person on the planet. Seriously. That bitch has stolen everything before. She stole the Statue of Liberty and No one saw her do it. That's a 300 foot tall green woman in plain sight of the "City that Never Sleeps". Hell, she stole the Great Salt Lake once. I don't even know how one goes about stealing a goddamn LAKE, but she figured it out. And we haven't even gotten into the part where she personally funds her own interplanetary travel, or invents her own time machine.

Granted, all her exploits can be solved with a rudimentary knowledge of basic geography, but still…

I'm pretty sure she deliberately makes these cases easy to solve because she would get bored otherwise. Did you ever see that show she used to have on Fox? Those kids could freakin' teleport and they couldn't catch her. There was one time that she snuck into a museum to steal a jewel or something, and when those kids showed up she opened a trap door and dropped them in the sewer, or something.

Okay, take a moment and let that sneak in. She had a trap door installed in the museum prior to breaking into it. She didn't need to steal the diamond! That sort of thing should take at least a month of construction to install, and she does it without anyone noticing. Not to mention that she can fly around with a jet pack and not even have to secure her stylish Fedora to her head. It just stays there. It knows what's going to happen if it abandons Carmen Sandiego.