Elijah and Azuu

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#1076 Piety: Music History

Inkmonkey

on Sept. 6, 2006

I think that more reality shows need to punish the losers. They're getting a good start with the emotional abuse some of the hosts inflict on the contests, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned in that I want to see some good old slapstick in my entertainment. For example: when someone gets eliminated from American Idol, they should slap them with a stick. Come on, they got to be on TV for Christ's sake; they're not going to mind taking a switch to the face.

The problem is, though, that if they're going to do these things to contestants then they'll have to get the bastards to sign waivers and documents and what have you, which of course means that they're going to know it's going to happen to them. I think if it's not a surprise, it doesn't count. Sure, it's nice to see Fear Factor where they have to jump out of a pickup truck and land in a pile of pig intestines, but that same stunt would be at least 4, if not 5 times more awesome if it was done at gunpoint to a guy who thought he had signed up for Jeopardy (read the fine print, Jackass!)

So, in conclusion, when some hopeful teen starlet fails to impress and/or sleep with the judges enough to get to round three, they shouldn't console her and tell her she did a great job and talk about how hard a decision it was, yadda yadda yadda; they should load that bitch in a cannon and shoot her at the contestants who couldn't even make it to round 2.

Now that's quality television.