Internet Superbuddies

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33.5 - IMHO. (aka. Calling the Kettle Black.)

joerocks1981

on June 21, 2007

Let me share a long-winded bit of sentiment here, in explaining this one. (You may want to get a sandwich or something before reading this. It goes on and on, and in the end, when proofreading it, am not sure it's all collected. Or makes any bit of sense. But those who know me, will know that it's exactly like talking to me…so…)



I'm new to the drunkduck community—i'm enjoying it immensely thus far. I've been able to (whether this is a good thing or bad has yet to be seen) get my comic out to an actual audience outside of the usual seven people who read it…and I've even gotten some pretty nice comments and encouragement from the readership ( i.e.—you) so far. And in that, I actually feel like bothering to make more comics on a weekly basis. So the great circle of industry continues, and all is right in the world.



I'm also a curious person. I was curious what other comics there are on here that people are reading, so I decided to search and look at the top 10 to find out what made them so popular (tits. Surprising.)—and then just search around to see what I found.



Here's where this comic comes in—with a big angry face, pumped full of endorphins, and wielding a bat.



We should start at the beginning.



I've always liked Megaman. (for some reason, I only owned 2, 5, and 6—but disregard that. I was also a bad child, and my mother recognized this by letting the unpurchased sequels sit in the goddamn store.) Even now, as the franchise stands at about (??) 20 years old, with little to no variation in the formula since 2–(you fight more guys, or animals instead of men, and now the other Battle Network and Zx shit I've tuned out.) I can still appreciate Megaman for what it is – a fun, NES series of platformers with catchy music that gets stuck in your head for years to come, that rewards you with cool weapons when you beat the boss, and drives you into torrents of chained obscenity whenever you reach a part that features the ol' 'disappearing/reappearing platforms in a pattern' bullshit.



I also appreciate Megaman because he could do me no wrong.



But Sonic.



Sonic was, is, and will always be a dirty asshole.



I was a Nintendo kid. You may recall (if you're old enough to recall the 16 bit console wars in the public school system) that there were Nintendo Kids…and then Sega kids. They had one or the other. You may run into some Richie Rich Motherfucker… who had both, but that was bullshit. You had to choose. And I sided with Mario, Link, Samus, and to lesser extents, Pit, the Ice Climbers, and the entire gallery of targets in Hogan's Alley.



But whenever it was, I think I was in the third grade—the bombardment happened. Sonic showed up. And he showed up in the worst way possible. Competitive. Some argue that it was the whole console that liked to be showy…they hit 16-bit first…so it had to mouth off. But it was it's 'little' mascot that really had to shine it on with this smug, asshole look on his face (find the box-art for the original Sonic—try and argue with me.) and this unwritten, but implied taunt towards anybody owning an NES at the time.



"I'm better. Because I'm faster than you."



Now, Mario didn't have to brag. In fact, he's the one Italian I've ever known (to this day) not to have any problems with anybody. (unless you're a koopa troopa. Then your ass is totally stomped–and your shell is used to kill your homeys stupid enough to be following you at the time.) He did his thing. Jump, Coin, Castle, Fireflower, Pipe, Ass-kick. And it was all at a moderate pace. And it all made sense…in a very Miyamoto sort of way.



Hedgehogs, for those who haven't looked them up on wikipedia by now (you should.), are slow. Damn slow. Not only that, they don't wear sneakers. They don't give you smug looks (unless they're crapping, I guess.), And they don't collect rings. There is something inherently wrong with all of this to me, as the entire Sonic franchise is based on a cacophony of lies AS WELL as directly creating this competition with something different, for no reason. There would be no Sega Vs. Nintendo rivalry if it wasn't for this bouncing blue bullshit character throwing his weight around.



Every advertisement, and every word from any person that has ever advocated the original (or any, rather) Sonic the hedgehog game always processes in my mind as this.



"You're a tool. Your mother's a slut. Give us your money. Sonic 2…now available in stores. It's FAST! (SEGA!)"



I HATE. Hatehatehate. HATE. Sega.



Sonic. Tails. Knuckles. The lot of them should be taken to a real Chemical Plant Zone and drowned in a collective vat of human shit.



—–but Megaman…he's still ok. And this is why it pains me to say this.



There. Are. Eight. Hundred. Thousand. Billion. Motherfucking. Sprite comics about Megaman and/or Sonic on Drunkduck.



The problem is, is that I have to work against that. The stigma of the googolplex of sprite comics to come before me, and present reputation of crap, no-talent hackery.



Sonic as a natural adversary is fine. Our years of mutual intolerance for each other ensures that I have no problem laughing outright at the eventual collapse of Sega, and it's dissolution into the mighty Nintendo, Inc. Fate and karma snap at reality like a bear-trap, and Sonic's smug mug has to enjoy the near world-wide flogging of all his franchise's dismal sequels and, in DD's case, whatever any 10 year old wants to have him say in a misspelled text balloon. Boo hoo.



But damn. Megaman. It still feels like that big blue boot just clocked both my testicles at 90 mph.



Me and Rock have thwarted every conceivable variation of 'Man' available, not to mention Dr. Wily, and even some of the Maverick Hunters. We've laughed, we've cried, we've struggled to Jump. Over. The fucking. Chasm. With the Disappearing/Reappearing Blocks!



…And now this. My comic. Will not be read, or enjoyed by most. Because his presence (and that of other video game favorites) on the internet has been long overabused, and the resulting fallout looms dangerously over internet superbuddies like the big toxic hate cloud that it is. Just because it uses sprites.



I appreciate the readership that have stopped by and let me know to continue this. I know that in some small circles, my comic is appreciated for what it is—a pixel comic. I draw 99% of everything in this comic, even if it's on a sub-minute scale, and if it sometimes looks like crap. I don't sprite-rip, except in this case here.



What was the point of this rant?



A) Break your Sega genesis.

B) I'm not sure if I hate Megaman, but I am sick of seeing comics about him.

C) My comic—it's not bad.

D) Thank you for reading. (especially this far.) I will be making more. Tell your friends.

E) I forget.