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Getting in shape

lba

on June 14, 2008

The other day, a friend named Sarah suggested I try to get in shape for the summer ( Which coincidentally is already half over. ). And I'm personally intelligent enough, ( Meaning I can occasionally outsmart the family dog. ) to know that what they were really trying to say is that they think I need to spend more time at the gym and start building some muscles ( I thought I was doing good enough being a bigger than average guy to begin with. ). Because around here, time at the gym apparently equates to a persons net worth and productivity. If you aren't absolutely ripped with zero body fat, you have no net value as a human being; simply because you are incapable of getting the lid off the pickle jar for a woman in need and hence, unable to get married ( The normal human world seems to operate on a complex system that closely resembles the mating habits of certain species of finches.). Mostly as a result of the fact that gym memberships, from my extensive research: ( Asking the guy next to me. ) cost about the same amount as it takes to rent out Disney World for yourself for a week, and because muscles are the only way to attract the other sex. In fact, this concept even applies for women, judging by some of the women I regularly see as a course of doing my job. I'm not so sure what's attractive about the muscles, except to say that I'm pretty sure some of these ladies don't even need to use their hands to open a jar. They just use their abs, which have approximately the same hardness as the armor on a M-1 tank. And if that's the case, then yes; that is rather impressive, and I'll remember the fact right up until she gives me a hug that shuts down the majority of my respiratory system. So quite frankly, there are women around who are far stronger than me, and who could probably make Hulk Hogan squeal like a little girl who just got their barbie flushed down the toilet. And that's just fine; I'll admit I'm a wimp. I'm more than man enough to admit when I need help with my pickle jars.

Speaking of which, Sarah says she only has five minutes before her next set, and the lid's stuck on the mayo.