Last words

Author notes

Slurpee!

lba

on July 7, 2008

Throughout almost all human history, males have always had one dream in common and that is that we all want to do cool stuff. Things that are usually defined as "guy stuff", or "stupid behavior". Among all that "guy stuff" is one universal desire regarding our ultimate ends: all guys want to go out in a cool way. We want to die winning the Medal of Honor while saving kittens from a tree and battling monkeys for control of the ballistic missiles aimed at Russia that could start a final world war ( We want to die only after stopping the war too, but we try to be realistic. ). In other words, not many guys want got so old that their brain becomes pate, their prostates sag and their families think about just tethering them up outside to bark at passerby alongside the dog.
Because at that point, we start making insane calls much like one I have personally received in the past while at work. That particular call came when I was working nights at a department store near the beginning of Last Words ( Now you know how long some ideas sit in my head before I get around to drawing them out. ). It was about fifteen minutes before closing when the phone rang. I answered it, giving my name, and asked how I could help. What I heard next not only confused and amused me, but managed to disturb me as well ( And I'm the one who makes jokes about feeding people's faces to domesticated animals. ). What I heard was the question, "Do you sell those straps for older men. You know, they're made out of a sort of mesh and they're supposed to keep your prostate from hanging down? Can someone there help me get fitted for one?" ( I am not making this one up. I'm creative, but not quite that creative. ) I politely informed him that we do not, at which point he informed me, that while I was a quite lovely young lady, ( With a baritone voice no less. ) I must be completely mistaken, since he had just been in the store and seen them himself recently in the last several months. At this point I merely began to hope through my trembling and shaking as I checked for him, that he could not detect the change in my voice, as I'm not sure how I would have managed to explain why my typing on the computer system sounding like an exceptionally large rhino with a giggling fit. As I informed him that no, I did not have any such thing in stock at the moment, and he could call back the next day and tell them Alex said to hold one for him when we got one in stock ( Luckily for me, the person working the next day was known for their sense of humor. ) I tried my hardest not to drop the phone in my sympathetic vibrations for his plight.

Later on in the week, I returned to work again to find a very confused coworker who simply looked at me quizzically and said, "Shouldn't he talk to a doctor if his prostate is hanging?"

And as a sort of random aside: After a quick look ( I've actually been avoiding looking at the stats page for the last few weeks. ) Last Words currently sits at #4 in comic strips and #12 overall, just edging out Craving Control, which is something I never even dreamed of possibly happening when I started doodling away. I always thought I had done amazingly well to make it to the top 100 and I think I may have to break out the chips ahoy again, even if it doesn't last forever. So, I'd like to give yet another thanks to the people who have been reading along with me since the beginning, and a thanks to those newer folks who have helped me get so far. It's an awesome thing to think of, and I'm definitely going to have to see if there isn't some way I can help out some of the other folks out there creating comics.