Last words

Author notes

Squishy...

lba

on July 16, 2008

I've always found something about the police moderately amusing. For some strange reason there seems to be a type of field that extends around them for several hundred yards that magically turns people into the clean-cut characters from Leave it to Beaver. The sort of people who never set off illegal fireworks, occasionally toss trash on the ground or walk across the street in the wrong place. People with foul mouths suddenly find themselves becoming eloquent and well-spoken individuals with impeccable morals. But as soon as that magical field leaves, they're back to ensuring our atmosphere stays blue and that nearby children have a proper understanding of invective combinations ( Someday, I should probably think about publishing a book on the proper etiquette for cursing, unless someone else has already done it, in which case I'll just stick with being lazy. ). What exact combination of things that police have which makes this change possible is beyond me, although I'm sure it has something to do with their ability to decide that you were resisting arrest based upon the fact that you spit your gum out and they stepped on it as they walked behind you ( That could be a slight exaggeration of their abilities. ). Nevertheless, I have always found this magical ability most amusing when the officer creating such a field comes into contact with another human being, who, for whatever reason, is completely immune to it. In my time of living in Detroit and Iowa, I have been witness to numerous spectacles of such interactions, my favorite perhaps being the instance in which a anti-abortion protester who was clearly inebriated in some manner, walked up to an officer and in the most polite manner possible, point-blank questioned him if he would possibly mind joining the protester in macing the opposing protesters who were in his words, "jackin' up mah aboorshin bus." ( Vernacular added for proper effect of course. He didn't actually spell it like that, I imagine. ). The bus in question was an old school bus which he had painstakingly glued large images of certain abortion-related "subjects" which I will not describe. The police officer whom he asked to join in clearly had the same opinion of this bus as the people attempting to reduce it to scrap metal, and did his best to simply smile and say no. Although if given the chance, I think he might have decided to see if the protester was hiding drugs in his bodily orifices if for no other reason than being as stupid as he was to drive such a vehicle straight into a family event ( Perhaps that might explain the large number of unexpected opposition protesters who greeted him. ).
There are many more examples that I've seen, but this one is getting long enough. Just suffice it to say, that if you had any plans of asking your local officers to join you in macing other people, chances are good that they might be too busy handcuffing you to help.