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Not falling for it

lba

on Aug. 10, 2008

If there is one thing I cannot abide by, it is sex appliances who have become confused about their purpose in life and have decided to undertake an existence that is completely a polar opposite to their original purpose. As such, I was personally shocked and disgusted this afternoon while at work in one of the less reputable portions of town, I witnessed a young child of perhaps no more than 4 or 5 years old running by me down the street waving a 8 inch long light blue plastic device ( For the sake of the children I will not name that device except to note that it could possibly related to another such device known as a "dildo". ). I find this excessive misuse of a device despicable, and deplorable, seeing as how it could so potentially damaging to the children who might see it in public. As such, I believe that the offending party, should be shot. And while that may seem to be cruel, I'd like to remind you, that this sort of abuse is only the beginning if we don't stop it now. Soon that child could be starting an underground pornography ring, in which the children gather together in one of their basements one night and in the most disgusting, horribly perverted child-related way, begin to attempt to look up porn on the internet. This sort of thing cannot be allowed, and so to protect the children, I believe we may have to quarantine that child until he can be reeducated. However, seeing as how I do not know his name, it might be hard to locate the child and could take a long while. So until the authorities locate and place him into custody, I strongly suggest that we all tremble in terror and keep our children indoors with tape wrapped around their heads. For those who don't have children, I strongly suggest locking away any and all gimp suits, whips, sex appliances, kitchen appliances, bedroom appliances and any other device that possesses even the slightest possibility of being used as a sexual device.

This is for the sake of the children. Please remember that, because I'm a bad shot and vital organs are small.