Night School

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#11 Odd Behavior

Evil Emperor Nick

on Sept. 7, 2007

Mr. Gosh is a poopy ferret. No really he loves to poop. Amy has two ferrets. One is the sweet but deviously and clever Lenore. She is a little spunky ferret who loves licking people's ears, stealing potatos, leaping on feet, hiding in covers, stuffing herself in shoes, chasing cats, and all other manner of mischief. Mr. Gosh loves nothing more then finding a nice corner where that he can poop on.

At first I told myself I was being unfair to Mr. Gosh. I thought perhaps I just over exicted the small critter and it has responded with intestinal detonation as natural reaction. However I have since learned better. Where as Lenore is litter trained, something ferrets should actually be inclined towards Mr. Gosh refuses to be litter trained.

Still I thought I would just have to be careful with Mr. Gosh. Perhaps if I simply kept him away from corners he would not seek to release his internal waste products onto all manner of surfaces. Apparently I was wrong for when I was picking him up one day he decided to experiment with mid air defecation. Mr. Gosh seemed to enjoy the experience quite a bit. I on the other hand did not.

However these was always one activity with Mr. Gosh I truely enjoyed, the bath. Ferrets need to be bathed regularly to keep them clean and help keep their smell down. Lenore doesn't like the bath and constantly seeks to escape. She is well known for swimming to the shallow end of the tub while she is being bathed and then springing onto your arm as you reach for her. In moment the wet ferret will climb up your arm and leaps out of the bath towards freedom. Mr. Gosh on the other hand loves the bath, though any activity that bother Lenore inherenetly makes him nervous and she frequently wrestles with him till he squeaks when she is excited, and will swim about in the water and lay still for shampoo & rinsing. Afterward he will roll about in towels and all over anyone near by in an attempt to banish the smell of cleanliness from his small ferret body. Apparently the activity must have really relaxed him for, while I was washing him last week he pooped in the tub.

Mr. Gosh broke a sacred trust. Bath time was our time. The time when we put fecal matter aside and came together for Amy's sake and played nice, but Mr. Gosh just couldn't leave it at that. It used to be a deal, he let me wash him and I let him roll around on me afterwards to get the clean smell off. But then he just had to bring poop into it, litterally fouling everything on a level I had only previously thought geese could do.

You think I would be mad wouldn't you? You think I would be eye twiching crazy mad? You would think I'd be carrie level crazy mad. You would think it would be " OH MY GOD! We can only be thankful gamma rays were not involved in this horrible incident!" level angry. You would think I would NEVER touch the offending ferret again wouldn't you? WOULDN'T YOU?????? You would think I'd need some crazy way to vent.

But no, you would be wrong if you thought that. I took it all in stride. I am in no way annoyed by Mr. Gosh that would just be crazy talk! I love Mr. Gosh….I just love that little ferret….to death……..