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Kai’s Journal Part 3

GrapeApe

on June 5, 2023

The Kai Journals Part 3!!!

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May 20, 2004: Voices Well…the good feeling was nice while it lasted. Something freaky happened at school today. I started hearing, well—voices. They were like loud disjointed whispers, but they were coming from my classmates. At first I thought they were talking, but their mouths weren’t moving. I realized at some point—I’m hearing their fucking thoughts. I don’t like this. I really don’t fucking like this. I don’t want to be in other people’s heads. It only lasted a few minutes, but I hid on the roof for a bit to get away. When I headed back to class, the halls were empty, but I started hearing thoughts through the walls. They got so loud and some of them were so bad—I started freaking out. A bunch of lockers busted open on either side of me and people’s shit just started flying out. Then suddenly the voices stopped. I wanted to clean up my mess, but I didn’t want to get in trouble and bother Kuro at work again so I tried to flee. Ms. Williams spotted me though and I got sent to the office again. Just took the tongue lashing from Wiggins ‘cuz I have no idea how to explain what happened. Kuro had to come get me again and I got two days suspension. I had to lie to Kuro and say I didn’t do it ‘cuz I couldn’t tell’m what really happened. I’m not positive he believed me, but he saw how upset I was and didn’t give me any grief. Honestly, I’m kinda glad not to be going back tomorrow. My brain needs a break.

May 21, 2004: She’s back… I had the dream again last night. I don’t know why it’s happening again. Maybe from stress. The thing at school definitely had me on edge, so—I don’t know. Maybe if I try to distract myself—find things that make me happy—maybe she’ll go away.

May 26, 2004: What the fuck is wrong with me? I haven’t been able to get rid of the dreams—or the voices. Seaweed hair is getting more aggressive. I don’t know how much longer I can hold her off. I’m so goddamn tired. Every time I fall asleep, I wake up in my dream, feeling the fatigue from the night before. My feet ache from months of running, I’m out of breath, feeling pain in the spots she cut me. It doesn’t feel like a dream. It feels like I’m stepping through a door between two realities. She feels just as real, just as present as the Shimizus…and it’s getting harder to tell the difference. It’s also getting harder to keep this secret. Kuro and Yosh aren’t stupid. They know something’s wrong. I haven’t had much energy to do anything. I wanna just lie down, but if I do, I’ll fall asleep. I haven’t been hungry either. I don’t even want coffee lately. I have to though ‘cuz if I stop they’ll definitely know something’s up. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t just be honest with them. Kuro keeps pulling me aside and asking if I’m okay. I wanna tell him everything, but—I just can’t get the goddamn words out. I don’t know why I’m like this.

May 27, 2004: Homeschool To the surprise of NO ONE, I’m bombing all my classes. The school called Kuro and talked about it with him. He sat me down and brought up homeschool again. He first mentioned it after my first day when Kiri sent everyone after me (which is still happening, but I’m getting real good at disappearing), but I always shut it down quick. Don’t get me wrong, school fucking sucks, but I still like going. I like making friends. Some of the people here are really cool and are always introducing me to new things. I don’t want to be stuck home all day with some boring old fuck telling me what to do. Kuro got kinda pushy this time but I was tired and crabby and I lost my cool and snapped at him. He dropped it and moved on but I could tell he was upset. I still feel shitty about it. He’s just trying to help me and I’ve been a complete asshole. I just wanna make school work. I just wanna feel normal.

May 28, 2004: I done fucked up again: the sequel
It’s always at the fucking Yamagata’s house. After dinner I was in the kitchen with Kuro and Teach while the others hung out in the living room watching the magic box thingy. They were trying to to help me with the mountains of homework I’ve accrued. While Teach was trying to explain some of the major grammar & spelling issues in my writing, I heard him clear as fucking day comment on how he wished he was teaching me Japanese instead of English. I asked him what the difference was and he looked confused. I asked again, but mentioned his comment. He got a little pale and said that he didn’t say that out loud. I felt the color in my face disappear, realizing I read his fucking mind again. Kuro suddenly jumped in and said he heard it too and told Shin he was going senile. Teach collected himself, but still looked a little spooked. He answered my question and said Japanese is his native tongue so he has an easier time explaining it. Kuro put a hand on my shoulder, which made me feel better. I don’t understand why he lied for me, but—I’m glad he did. I’m so tired lately. I’m really slipping and losing my grip between what’s what.

May 29, 2004: Tired I’m so tired. I’ve been running from her for months. I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’m so fucking tired. Maybe—if I stop running…maybe if I just face her and see what she wants…maybe the dreams will stop. Nothing else is working and—I have no fight left. I wish I could go back to the cave, the one in Hampton. he said he could help me. Maybe he was telling the truth. Doesn’t matter, I guess. I fucked my chance on that. Only hope now is to confront her and hope I can end this. Maybe it’ll work. If she kills me, maybe I’ll just wake up and it’ll be over. What’s the worst that can happen, right? It’s just a dream.