Author notes

102

MrFistSalad

on June 19, 2016

wait didnt he bite hannahs eye and leg off

yes mindy he did

jarrod he could do the same to you

im counting on it

you want him to bite your eye and leg off are you crazy

it seemed to work out pretty well for hannah

you have gone completely off the deep end im calling animal services to pick him up

okay well first off apparently wide claims to be human so animal services may not be able to help

and secondly i dont actually want him to bite any part of me off

then why did you bring him here
this seems like the quickest way to get a part of you bitten off

because hes a total pain in the ass mindy!

yeah why are you doing this then stupid

i… i dont know
my life is pretty cushy
its easy
i dont have a lot of character
or a lot of anything going on
so maybe wide will help put that weird sense of suicidal adventurousness in me

you realize hannah was trying to kill herself when she jumped out the fridge

and look what happened to her

look me in the eye and tell me that wide is not my responsibility

sure yeah that

and that in self defense if i need to i can hit him as hard as i want with a broom handle so that he doesnt start biting me

no skin off my back

and did you talk to your mom

yes

then fine this has nothing to do with me enjoy your obnoxious little gremlin thing