Professor Mariachi

Author notes

potato couch...still smells rancid to me

professormariachi

on Nov. 3, 2009

Nov. 3rd, 2009
It’s been quite the fortnight. My laptop battery breaking clearly is not bad enough, as the week later I thought it would be a fantastic idea to leave my charger in class. So there goes another hundred bucks. Before this I bid on some copic markers, which I might add, I could afford at the time, and got myself a tablet. I feel like I’m leaking money like an old exploded battery leaks acid. It’s been an expensive fortnight, and to be honest, I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do about it. But such is life. During school, mine feels like a series of escalating premeditated disasters with increasingly short bursts of peace in between. Soon this term will be done, and the next one, more intensive than the last will have begun. Sighs. A-nd, I can’t hook up my scanner to my mom’s laptop which I’ve been using in the meantime… hopefully I’ll get me a new charger sometime over the next couple of days. Sigh again.
And, onto the comic. I work with a couple of ESL students right now, on and off, and an acquaintance of mine has brain trauma, trust me, I’ll get there, these are related, and in a completely non-stereotypical way. ESL students have a lot of difficulty with understanding colloquial phrases. The slang we take for granted is, pardon the pun, foreign to them. And English has been developing these phrases for so many hundreds of years that few people actually understand their origins. The same goes for my brain damaged friend. Seriously. She was telling me about her cat, and the silly kitteh exploits he gets up to. I said, “He must drive you crazy.” She looked at me, confused. “Oh no, he’s a cat, he doesn’t drive.”
… I realized all the similies and metaphors and slang that I used constantly, and that she used to use before her injury had somehow disappeared, bringing her to a place where she is unable to understand anything outside of straightforward, direct speech. Never tell her you’re pulling her leg, or school is driving you around the bend… or my personal favourite slough of silly British slang. She will take what you say at face value, and she can’t help it. It’s the weirdest symptom of brain damage I’ve ever seen, but it’s something you see in ESL students too, although I am by no stretch of the imagination claiming that they’re brain damaged. When you don’t know the language or the cultural history, you don’t know what the heck somebody’s saying when they call you a monkey’s uncle, or they talk about shredding the mountain when the powders fine. You’re having enough difficulty just translating on your own. Case in point: Babblefish. This is an example I put in there, and the translations I got out of it:

Dude, what do you mean you can't make the mountain run this weekend? We're gonna be shredding in some serious virgin powder.
You had to put your dog down. So he finally kicked the bucket, eh? That sucks. So he's gone to that great doghouse in the sky.
It's cool man. We're cool. I'll see you on the weekend. We'll hang out at my place… no wait, my bratty sister's driving me up the wall. Let's go to Pete's. His parents are away, so empty house! Grab your spare controllers and we'll throw down the blue sparks in Mario Cart! Yeah. Say hi to your folks. Later Skater.

Retranslated from Japanese:
can' It means something which, the man; Does t make this weekend the mountain move? We' Being serious, mammocking with the new powder re-go. You must put in place your dog. Therefore did he finally kick the bucket? It inhales that. Therefore he' Goes into that of the sky large kennel s which. It' The person whose s is cool. We' Re-cool. I' ll meets to weekend. We' Depending upon ll at my place…Waiting, my conceited sister' The time is not passed; S which drives me on the wall. Let' As for s Pete' It goes; s. That parent left, so it is the house of the sky! Your extra controller and we' The clamp do; You pitch ll under blue with the cart of [mario] the spark! Obtaining obtaining. Call today to your people. A slower skating player.

I often make the mountain move by driving on the wall and doing the clamp.

Retranslated from German:
Geck, which it can' mean; t let let run the mountain this weekend? We' Regehen to tear up in somewhat serious pure propellant. They had to set your dog down. Thus did it finally step the tub, how? That sucks. So he' s gone to this large Doghouse in the sky. It' s-coolly man. We' RH cooling you. I' ll you see on weekend. We' ll out sister' do not hang mine on my place… a waiting period, bratty; s, which drives me up the wall. Let' s go to Pete' s. Its parents are away, so empty house! Seize your spare control desks and we' ll throw down the blue transmits in the Mario cart! Yeah. Say to hello to your peoples. Newer ice skate runner

Mmm. Pure propellant. Poor dog stepping the tub.
Well, lets seize our spare control desks and throw down blue transmits…

From Russian:
Fellow, that you mean you can' t does make mountain to break into a run this weekend? We' re going of shredding in a certain serious Virgin powder. You must place your dog downward. So it finally did kick bucket, eh? That it sucks. So he' s gone to that large doghouse in the sky. It' man s is cold. We' re is cold. I' ll it sees you on the weekend. We' refuge ll on my place… the absence of expectation, my of bratty of sister' s governing me upward through the wall. Let' s goes to Pete' S. its parents be absenting, so empty is house! You will grip your spare regulators and we' motion ll downward from the blue will sparkle in Mario's cart! Yeah. Say high to your people. More last skater.
I’ve never seen a mountain break into a run, but grab your regulator and maybe we can stop my sister governing me through the wall.

And last but not least: Well beyond Plato’s ideas of a third removed:
English to Greek to French to Portugese to English:

Dude, that means can' the t makes the mountain to run this weekend? We' [epan] will cut some to the serious virgin dust. It was necessary that it puts your inferior dog. Thus [klotsise] finally the bucket, EH? This absorbs. Thus he' s to this great [skylospito] to the sky. It' cool individual s. We' [epan] cool. I' l sees it the weekend. We' l n' a wait, bratty hang part to my place… sister' my s that leads above with the wall. Let' s goes to the Pete' s. its parents are distant, in such a way empty house! The controllers of reserve and we' apprehend; l is launched under its blue sparks to the Mario Cart! Yes. They fall salvation to your peoples. More former skater.

My two favourites have to be the German one and this last one. Sounds like Shakespeare writing today:
The controllers of reserve/
And we apprehend!/
Launched under its blue
sparks to the Mario cart!/
Yes, they fall salvation to you peoples.

…I may just go to the Pete’s and have something cold and strong.
English is hard.