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xailenrath

on Dec. 9, 2018

Yes, I used to be a FAR more interesting person when I was younger, and, yes, my childhood nickname was ‘Gonzo’. I was named after the Muppet. Or, more specifically, the Muppet Baby.

I was a pretty weird kid.
Through my teen years, I was the merrily bonkers little art-fag forever off in the corner, drawing and wearing Hawaiian shirts, combat boots and dog collars. The ghetto kid who got teased for listening to 50’s & 60’s rock, 30’s & 40’s big band, heavy metal and Weird Al along with the prerequisite hip-hop and R&B. That guy who used to bang his head – HARD – against lockers when frustrated, talk to himself out loud in public and “eat” pencils. Mind you, a lot of that last bit was an affectation. I was labelled as “CRAZY”, so it kept the more cowardly bullies off my back and cute girls and guys found me interesting enough to talk to, if not necessarily be seen with. Of course, the real struggle was trying to appear “normal” at home under the critical eye of my mother, or grandmother, or grandfather, or whichever relative I was forced to live with at the time. (The ripped jeans were especially difficult to hide/explain away.)

My twenties were much better. I got away from my idiot family, toned it down a bit (a TINY bit) on the talking to imaginary people, embraced my bisexuality (for better or worse), made friends with vodka and coffee, ditched the Hawaiian shirts in favor of all the black novelty T-shirts, biohazard pendants and skull rings I could get my hands on, Kool-Aid dyed my hair in interesting colors and became more comfortable with being a weirdo for purposes other than scaring away attackers. Plus, more than a few pretty girls and boys asked me to draw them. Sometimes naked.

I often look back at my younger days and I really miss Gonzo. I think he’d be wigged out and, yes, kind of ashamed of what I’ve turned into. But then, on the ‘wrong day’ (NOW), I really would blast him to atoms without a moment’s hesitation if I thought it would erase me from existence and all of the bullshit I’ve been through since his heyday.

We'll touch on that later, when My Own Personal Apocalypse returns to wrap up.