First
Prev
- Hiatus Notice
- Text Adventure 49: comedically overreact and retaliate with extreme prejudice
- Text Adventure 48: tell him off for making a guest do his work
- Text Adventure 47: interrupt bert
- Text Adventure 46: be beatrice
- Text Adventure 45: who is it?
- Text Adventure 44: look around for tits
- Text Adventure 43: tell us more, uncle Herbert!
- Text Adventure 42: reminisce harder
- Text Adventure 41: reminisce on those awkward years
- Text Adventure 40: curl into a ball of misery
- Text Adventure 39: send him off to the kitchen with the buckets and your blessings
- Text Adventure 38: run away while he's wet!
- Text Adventure 37: run away while he's distracted!
- Text Adventure 36: hide in a bucket
- Text Adventure 35: break his face
- Text Adventure 34: OH FUCK NO
- Text Adventure 33: OH NO
- Text Adventure 32: slug the fucker! turn that silly grin upside down!
- Text Adventure 31: throw the bastard into the well
- Text Adventure 30: ignore him
- Text Adventure 29: run
- Text Adventure 28: excuse yourself and run to the well
- Text Adventure 27: strike conversation with guest
- Text Adventure 26: greet guest
- Text Adventure 25: go out to the well
- Text adventure 24: grab bucket
- Text Adventure 23: use the water in bucket to wash your washing bowl
- Text Adventure 22: enter kitchen
- Text Adventure 21: leave room and go down to the kitchen
- Text Adventure 20: open chests
- Text Adventure 19: wear guest chamber pot as a hat
- Text Adventure 18: enter guestroom
- Text Adventure 17: snoop around the other rooms
- Text Adventure 16: kick the table
- Text Adventure 15: karate chop the table
- Text Adventure 14: kick your way epically out the door
- Text Adventure 13: continue as planned
- Text Adventure 12: toss washing bowl's contents outside the window
- Text Adventure 11: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 10: drink from washing bowl
- Text Adventure 9: wash face in washing bowl
- Text Adventure 8: wash chamber pot in washing bowl
- Text Adventure 7: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 6: douse the bastard!
- Text Adventure 5: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 4: pee in chamber pot
- Text Adventure 3: make a rope out of bedsheets and rappel out the window while wearing chamber pot as a hat
- Text Adventure 2: wear chamber pot as a hat
TEXT ADVENTURE TIME: Herbert's Side Story
- Donation gift!
- a glorious future
- old age catching up to his ears
- waiting for the news
- in a wheelbarrow
- The Holy Birch makes its appearance
- they're happy twits at least
- angry mumbling
- but I swear I'm totally fine
- like a loon
- hold on... to the night...
- tripping balls
- topsy-turvy
- tripping
- fire and brimstone
- general overreacting
- PLOFT.
- not much repenting going on here
- the long and winding path
- it's shedding! D:
- scare tactics
- someone overheard something incriminating
- suddenly, an authority on historical architecture
- make-believe saint
- epic pontification
- and now...
- hey look, it's that old guy
- the inn sure looks different from how it was in the first chapter
- badoumph!
- a heartwarming gift
- INCOMING BOOBS
- someone is a matchmaker
- girls making plans
- cleaning up
- he's got a mustache
- chop chop chop
- never freeeeeet
- what you do when you're half-asleep
- It's that dead rat taste in your tongue
- Chapter 7 - Community Service
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
Interlude 1 - Beatrice's Plans
- sympathy for the devil
- guess who's back
- a choir of demons are singing
- lies, all lies
- the party is over
- not exactly as planned
- didn't see this coming
- cunning use of musical transitions
- oooh...
- kidnapping!
- moving on...
- how to spoil fond memories
- riverdance
- philosopout
- procrastination sketch
- a long time ago, in a booth far, far away...
- oh my god the thingie with the cool thingies and... oh!
- the party queen has arrived, commence partying
- under a red sunset
- racking up debts
- I bet your pants
- linguistic subtleties
- nearly as think as you drunk I am
- caught slacking
- Live free, party hard
- FUCK YEAR CAKE
- you're a very very bad bad girl, bea
- capitalism!
- counting your victories
- special touch
- sue him
- customer service at its best
- Autumn!
Chapter 6 - Harvest Festival
- erasing the evidence
- Chipper
- First prize!
- sweet as sugar
- shaggy dog brick
- bringing sexy back
- sneak sneak sneak away
- hammerman!
- clunk
- OHSHI part 2
- AAAALWAYS
- he means he feels fuzzy
- You just know this stuff when you're this old
- censoring the wrong word
- Heeeeeiki, heiki!
- a hellish sight
- getting to the point
- OHSHI
- any moment now...
- He still fails to see the point
- it's like doing community service
- grammar nazi
- Leaves fall
- tripping all over the place
- casting doubt on his POWERS
- you are a hole on the floor
- *ominous drop*
- consider this a love tap
- she's looking in the wrong place
- trout pout
- knowledge = power
- the inheritance cycle
- All for one
- she knows how to lay it on
- yes, it was Theo
- WHA--
- Sometimes a cauldron is just for cooking
- Merry Christmas!
- So yeah.
Chapter 5 - Beatrice
- Wait, what?
- Visiting Miss Boobies
- don't poke
- ooooooh...
- actually they think he's pretty pathetic
- burrrrrrn
- dun dun DUN
- no place like home
- constipated
- I told you it was a decoy
- this is totally a decoy
- RUN AWAAAAY
- overkill
- the conclusion is obvious
- an understandable reaction
- Y hallo thar
- dun dun duuuuuun
- totally did not see this coming
- mine is an evil laugh
- a face only a mother can love
- Uh-oh.
- DAAAAAASH
- Suck my rose
- NOT THE SHAWL DD:
- A bunch of trees
- It's logical!
- CHANSU DA!
- kicking imaginary pebbles
- A completely unexpected reaction
- A slave driver, wink wink
- SAXOPHOOOOOONE
- Watch me, guys!
- Now in chibi-vision
- No one gives a fuck
- Frustration management
Chapter 4 - Bewitched
- rocking all night long
- You only wish your rpg would start like this
- SHE'SLEAKING
- Good morning, sunshine
- PRIORITIES
- They're both upset :/
- You woke the neighbors up!
- Duh.
- Paternal fury gives you ninja powers
- This be my evil shine-in-the-dark grin
- AXED!
- Have fun.
- Snarrrrrrrrrrlrawwwwwwwwrrrrr.
- Didn't see that coming.
- Wait, what happened between the last page and this one?
- Oggling!
- Look, BREASTS!
- Yeah, the mass.
- Now all they need is a boombox
- GAH MY EYE
- God Knows
- Courage
- Below the belt
- A hook to the chin!
- Round 1: fight
- starting a job
- Plan 1 of 1: success?
- When he said work, he didn't mean work
- Happy Rainbow Aura
- Hunting for a job
- Look at the pretty candles
- Wounded pride
- Upstanding demon
- Playing meek
- He's a little possessive
- The impact of love
- I is for inbreeding
- Some new guy
Chapter 3 - A helping hand
- Wasn't in the script
- Kinda like a marble
- Gone with the wind
- just like in highschool
- If only there were playstations back then
- Off in Dreamscape
- Sounds logical
- Jerry and Terry
- Careful with that door
- Missing some teeth
- The arrival
- Making Business
- NO WAI
- Inspiration
- Misunderstanding
- Or did he?
- Friends
- Whiner
- Heart Failure
- Vibes at you!
- I'm feeling blue, baby
Chapter 02 - You don't talk about Puke
- Character sheet - Herbert
- The Silly Updates Series - 01
- NOT UPDATE
- Silence, finally!
- CrashBang
- In Hoc Signo Vincis
- The devil is a nerd
- Design pro
- BLAM!
- It does not compute
- Dumbass :D
- Exposition of Doom III - the revenge
- Exposition of Doom II
- Exposition of Doom
- ....or maybe not
- Perfectly safe
- A Friendly guy
- Thank you
- Punt!
- Like scat porn, only worse
- However did you know?
- Not enough arms
- No, not a festival
- Title Page Chapter 01
On the way back
Next
Last
First
Prev
- Hiatus Notice
- Text Adventure 49: comedically overreact and retaliate with extreme prejudice
- Text Adventure 48: tell him off for making a guest do his work
- Text Adventure 47: interrupt bert
- Text Adventure 46: be beatrice
- Text Adventure 45: who is it?
- Text Adventure 44: look around for tits
- Text Adventure 43: tell us more, uncle Herbert!
- Text Adventure 42: reminisce harder
- Text Adventure 41: reminisce on those awkward years
- Text Adventure 40: curl into a ball of misery
- Text Adventure 39: send him off to the kitchen with the buckets and your blessings
- Text Adventure 38: run away while he's wet!
- Text Adventure 37: run away while he's distracted!
- Text Adventure 36: hide in a bucket
- Text Adventure 35: break his face
- Text Adventure 34: OH FUCK NO
- Text Adventure 33: OH NO
- Text Adventure 32: slug the fucker! turn that silly grin upside down!
- Text Adventure 31: throw the bastard into the well
- Text Adventure 30: ignore him
- Text Adventure 29: run
- Text Adventure 28: excuse yourself and run to the well
- Text Adventure 27: strike conversation with guest
- Text Adventure 26: greet guest
- Text Adventure 25: go out to the well
- Text adventure 24: grab bucket
- Text Adventure 23: use the water in bucket to wash your washing bowl
- Text Adventure 22: enter kitchen
- Text Adventure 21: leave room and go down to the kitchen
- Text Adventure 20: open chests
- Text Adventure 19: wear guest chamber pot as a hat
- Text Adventure 18: enter guestroom
- Text Adventure 17: snoop around the other rooms
- Text Adventure 16: kick the table
- Text Adventure 15: karate chop the table
- Text Adventure 14: kick your way epically out the door
- Text Adventure 13: continue as planned
- Text Adventure 12: toss washing bowl's contents outside the window
- Text Adventure 11: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 10: drink from washing bowl
- Text Adventure 9: wash face in washing bowl
- Text Adventure 8: wash chamber pot in washing bowl
- Text Adventure 7: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 6: douse the bastard!
- Text Adventure 5: wear chamber pot as hat
- Text Adventure 4: pee in chamber pot
- Text Adventure 3: make a rope out of bedsheets and rappel out the window while wearing chamber pot as a hat
- Text Adventure 2: wear chamber pot as a hat
TEXT ADVENTURE TIME: Herbert's Side Story
- Donation gift!
- a glorious future
- old age catching up to his ears
- waiting for the news
- in a wheelbarrow
- The Holy Birch makes its appearance
- they're happy twits at least
- angry mumbling
- but I swear I'm totally fine
- like a loon
- hold on... to the night...
- tripping balls
- topsy-turvy
- tripping
- fire and brimstone
- general overreacting
- PLOFT.
- not much repenting going on here
- the long and winding path
- it's shedding! D:
- scare tactics
- someone overheard something incriminating
- suddenly, an authority on historical architecture
- make-believe saint
- epic pontification
- and now...
- hey look, it's that old guy
- the inn sure looks different from how it was in the first chapter
- badoumph!
- a heartwarming gift
- INCOMING BOOBS
- someone is a matchmaker
- girls making plans
- cleaning up
- he's got a mustache
- chop chop chop
- never freeeeeet
- what you do when you're half-asleep
- It's that dead rat taste in your tongue
- Chapter 7 - Community Service
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
- Beatrice's Plans
Interlude 1 - Beatrice's Plans
- sympathy for the devil
- guess who's back
- a choir of demons are singing
- lies, all lies
- the party is over
- not exactly as planned
- didn't see this coming
- cunning use of musical transitions
- oooh...
- kidnapping!
- moving on...
- how to spoil fond memories
- riverdance
- philosopout
- procrastination sketch
- a long time ago, in a booth far, far away...
- oh my god the thingie with the cool thingies and... oh!
- the party queen has arrived, commence partying
- under a red sunset
- racking up debts
- I bet your pants
- linguistic subtleties
- nearly as think as you drunk I am
- caught slacking
- Live free, party hard
- FUCK YEAR CAKE
- you're a very very bad bad girl, bea
- capitalism!
- counting your victories
- special touch
- sue him
- customer service at its best
- Autumn!
Chapter 6 - Harvest Festival
- erasing the evidence
- Chipper
- First prize!
- sweet as sugar
- shaggy dog brick
- bringing sexy back
- sneak sneak sneak away
- hammerman!
- clunk
- OHSHI part 2
- AAAALWAYS
- he means he feels fuzzy
- You just know this stuff when you're this old
- censoring the wrong word
- Heeeeeiki, heiki!
- a hellish sight
- getting to the point
- OHSHI
- any moment now...
- He still fails to see the point
- it's like doing community service
- grammar nazi
- Leaves fall
- tripping all over the place
- casting doubt on his POWERS
- you are a hole on the floor
- *ominous drop*
- consider this a love tap
- she's looking in the wrong place
- trout pout
- knowledge = power
- the inheritance cycle
- All for one
- she knows how to lay it on
- yes, it was Theo
- WHA--
- Sometimes a cauldron is just for cooking
- Merry Christmas!
- So yeah.
Chapter 5 - Beatrice
- Wait, what?
- Visiting Miss Boobies
- don't poke
- ooooooh...
- actually they think he's pretty pathetic
- burrrrrrn
- dun dun DUN
- no place like home
- constipated
- I told you it was a decoy
- this is totally a decoy
- RUN AWAAAAY
- overkill
- the conclusion is obvious
- an understandable reaction
- Y hallo thar
- dun dun duuuuuun
- totally did not see this coming
- mine is an evil laugh
- a face only a mother can love
- Uh-oh.
- DAAAAAASH
- Suck my rose
- NOT THE SHAWL DD:
- A bunch of trees
- It's logical!
- CHANSU DA!
- kicking imaginary pebbles
- A completely unexpected reaction
- A slave driver, wink wink
- SAXOPHOOOOOONE
- Watch me, guys!
- Now in chibi-vision
- No one gives a fuck
- Frustration management
Chapter 4 - Bewitched
- rocking all night long
- You only wish your rpg would start like this
- SHE'SLEAKING
- Good morning, sunshine
- PRIORITIES
- They're both upset :/
- You woke the neighbors up!
- Duh.
- Paternal fury gives you ninja powers
- This be my evil shine-in-the-dark grin
- AXED!
- Have fun.
- Snarrrrrrrrrrlrawwwwwwwwrrrrr.
- Didn't see that coming.
- Wait, what happened between the last page and this one?
- Oggling!
- Look, BREASTS!
- Yeah, the mass.
- Now all they need is a boombox
- GAH MY EYE
- God Knows
- Courage
- Below the belt
- A hook to the chin!
- Round 1: fight
- starting a job
- Plan 1 of 1: success?
- When he said work, he didn't mean work
- Happy Rainbow Aura
- Hunting for a job
- Look at the pretty candles
- Wounded pride
- Upstanding demon
- Playing meek
- He's a little possessive
- The impact of love
- I is for inbreeding
- Some new guy
Chapter 3 - A helping hand
- Wasn't in the script
- Kinda like a marble
- Gone with the wind
- just like in highschool
- If only there were playstations back then
- Off in Dreamscape
- Sounds logical
- Jerry and Terry
- Careful with that door
- Missing some teeth
- The arrival
- Making Business
- NO WAI
- Inspiration
- Misunderstanding
- Or did he?
- Friends
- Whiner
- Heart Failure
- Vibes at you!
- I'm feeling blue, baby
Chapter 02 - You don't talk about Puke
- Character sheet - Herbert
- The Silly Updates Series - 01
- NOT UPDATE
- Silence, finally!
- CrashBang
- In Hoc Signo Vincis
- The devil is a nerd
- Design pro
- BLAM!
- It does not compute
- Dumbass :D
- Exposition of Doom III - the revenge
- Exposition of Doom II
- Exposition of Doom
- ....or maybe not
- Perfectly safe
- A Friendly guy
- Thank you
- Punt!
- Like scat porn, only worse
- However did you know?
- Not enough arms
- No, not a festival
- Title Page Chapter 01
On the way back
Next
Last
Author notes
I didn't want to resort to a pause mid-chapter, but unfortunately this is what it's coming down to. You see, this essay wasn't going to be nearly as much of a bane to my existence as it currently is. The college calendar gave me plenty of time to think about it… until it suddenly didn't, and then I had to think about it NOW, which made me spiral down into a panic vortex midway through my site shuffling. I was supposed to have until January to finish that shit. Now I only have a couple of months, and I have absolutely nothing started. My head is empty. I can't draw comics and I can't write essays. I can only scribble stupid shit. I'm awfully sorry for the hiatus, and also awfully sorry for myself.
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Miscellaneous:
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