First Prev - Hiatus Notice - Text Adventure 49: comedically overreact and retaliate with extreme prejudice - Text Adventure 48: tell him off for making a guest do his work - Text Adventure 47: interrupt bert - Text Adventure 46: be beatrice - Text Adventure 45: who is it? - Text Adventure 44: look around for tits - Text Adventure 43: tell us more, uncle Herbert! - Text Adventure 42: reminisce harder - Text Adventure 41: reminisce on those awkward years - Text Adventure 40: curl into a ball of misery - Text Adventure 39: send him off to the kitchen with the buckets and your blessings - Text Adventure 38: run away while he's wet! - Text Adventure 37: run away while he's distracted! - Text Adventure 36: hide in a bucket - Text Adventure 35: break his face - Text Adventure 34: OH FUCK NO - Text Adventure 33: OH NO - Text Adventure 32: slug the fucker! turn that silly grin upside down! - Text Adventure 31: throw the bastard into the well - Text Adventure 30: ignore him - Text Adventure 29: run - Text Adventure 28: excuse yourself and run to the well - Text Adventure 27: strike conversation with guest - Text Adventure 26: greet guest - Text Adventure 25: go out to the well - Text adventure 24: grab bucket - Text Adventure 23: use the water in bucket to wash your washing bowl - Text Adventure 22: enter kitchen - Text Adventure 21: leave room and go down to the kitchen - Text Adventure 20: open chests - Text Adventure 19: wear guest chamber pot as a hat - Text Adventure 18: enter guestroom - Text Adventure 17: snoop around the other rooms - Text Adventure 16: kick the table - Text Adventure 15: karate chop the table - Text Adventure 14: kick your way epically out the door - Text Adventure 13: continue as planned - Text Adventure 12: toss washing bowl's contents outside the window - Text Adventure 11: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 10: drink from washing bowl - Text Adventure 9: wash face in washing bowl - Text Adventure 8: wash chamber pot in washing bowl - Text Adventure 7: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 6: douse the bastard! - Text Adventure 5: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 4: pee in chamber pot - Text Adventure 3: make a rope out of bedsheets and rappel out the window while wearing chamber pot as a hat - Text Adventure 2: wear chamber pot as a hat TEXT ADVENTURE TIME: Herbert's Side Story - Donation gift! - a glorious future - old age catching up to his ears - waiting for the news - in a wheelbarrow - The Holy Birch makes its appearance - they're happy twits at least - angry mumbling - but I swear I'm totally fine - like a loon - hold on... to the night... - tripping balls - topsy-turvy - tripping - fire and brimstone - general overreacting - PLOFT. - not much repenting going on here - the long and winding path - it's shedding! D: - scare tactics - someone overheard something incriminating - suddenly, an authority on historical architecture - make-believe saint - epic pontification - and now... - hey look, it's that old guy - the inn sure looks different from how it was in the first chapter - badoumph! - a heartwarming gift - INCOMING BOOBS - someone is a matchmaker - girls making plans - cleaning up - he's got a mustache - chop chop chop - never freeeeeet - what you do when you're half-asleep - It's that dead rat taste in your tongue - Chapter 7 - Community Service - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans Interlude 1 - Beatrice's Plans - sympathy for the devil - guess who's back - a choir of demons are singing - lies, all lies - the party is over - not exactly as planned - didn't see this coming - cunning use of musical transitions - oooh... - kidnapping! - moving on... - how to spoil fond memories - riverdance - philosopout - procrastination sketch - a long time ago, in a booth far, far away... - oh my god the thingie with the cool thingies and... oh! - the party queen has arrived, commence partying - under a red sunset - racking up debts - I bet your pants - linguistic subtleties - nearly as think as you drunk I am - caught slacking - Live free, party hard - FUCK YEAR CAKE - you're a very very bad bad girl, bea - capitalism! - counting your victories - special touch - sue him - customer service at its best - Autumn! Chapter 6 - Harvest Festival - erasing the evidence - Chipper - First prize! - sweet as sugar - shaggy dog brick - bringing sexy back - sneak sneak sneak away - hammerman! - clunk - OHSHI part 2 - AAAALWAYS - he means he feels fuzzy - You just know this stuff when you're this old - censoring the wrong word - Heeeeeiki, heiki! - a hellish sight - getting to the point - OHSHI - any moment now... - He still fails to see the point - it's like doing community service - grammar nazi - Leaves fall - tripping all over the place - casting doubt on his POWERS - you are a hole on the floor - *ominous drop* - consider this a love tap - she's looking in the wrong place - trout pout - knowledge = power - the inheritance cycle - All for one - she knows how to lay it on - yes, it was Theo - WHA-- - Sometimes a cauldron is just for cooking - Merry Christmas! - So yeah. Chapter 5 - Beatrice - Wait, what? - Visiting Miss Boobies - don't poke - ooooooh... - actually they think he's pretty pathetic - burrrrrrn - dun dun DUN - no place like home - constipated - I told you it was a decoy - this is totally a decoy - RUN AWAAAAY - overkill - the conclusion is obvious - an understandable reaction - Y hallo thar - dun dun duuuuuun - totally did not see this coming - mine is an evil laugh - a face only a mother can love - Uh-oh. - DAAAAAASH - Suck my rose - NOT THE SHAWL DD: - A bunch of trees - It's logical! - CHANSU DA! - kicking imaginary pebbles - A completely unexpected reaction - A slave driver, wink wink - SAXOPHOOOOOONE - Watch me, guys! - Now in chibi-vision - No one gives a fuck - Frustration management Chapter 4 - Bewitched - rocking all night long - You only wish your rpg would start like this - SHE'SLEAKING - Good morning, sunshine - PRIORITIES - They're both upset :/ - You woke the neighbors up! - Duh. - Paternal fury gives you ninja powers - This be my evil shine-in-the-dark grin - AXED! - Have fun. - Snarrrrrrrrrrlrawwwwwwwwrrrrr. - Didn't see that coming. - Wait, what happened between the last page and this one? - Oggling! - Look, BREASTS! - Yeah, the mass. - Now all they need is a boombox - GAH MY EYE - God Knows - Courage - Below the belt - A hook to the chin! - Round 1: fight - starting a job - Plan 1 of 1: success? - When he said work, he didn't mean work - Happy Rainbow Aura - Hunting for a job - Look at the pretty candles - Wounded pride - Upstanding demon - Playing meek - He's a little possessive - The impact of love - I is for inbreeding - Some new guy Chapter 3 - A helping hand - Wasn't in the script - Kinda like a marble - Gone with the wind - just like in highschool - If only there were playstations back then - Off in Dreamscape - Sounds logical - Jerry and Terry - Careful with that door - Missing some teeth - The arrival - Making Business - NO WAI - Inspiration - Misunderstanding - Or did he? - Friends - Whiner - Heart Failure - Vibes at you! - I'm feeling blue, baby Chapter 02 - You don't talk about Puke - Character sheet - Herbert - The Silly Updates Series - 01 - NOT UPDATE - Silence, finally! - CrashBang - In Hoc Signo Vincis - The devil is a nerd - Design pro - BLAM! - It does not compute - Dumbass :D - Exposition of Doom III - the revenge - Exposition of Doom II - Exposition of Doom - ....or maybe not - Perfectly safe - A Friendly guy - Thank you - Punt! - Like scat porn, only worse - However did you know? - Not enough arms - No, not a festival - Title Page Chapter 01 On the way back Next Last First Prev - Hiatus Notice - Text Adventure 49: comedically overreact and retaliate with extreme prejudice - Text Adventure 48: tell him off for making a guest do his work - Text Adventure 47: interrupt bert - Text Adventure 46: be beatrice - Text Adventure 45: who is it? - Text Adventure 44: look around for tits - Text Adventure 43: tell us more, uncle Herbert! - Text Adventure 42: reminisce harder - Text Adventure 41: reminisce on those awkward years - Text Adventure 40: curl into a ball of misery - Text Adventure 39: send him off to the kitchen with the buckets and your blessings - Text Adventure 38: run away while he's wet! - Text Adventure 37: run away while he's distracted! - Text Adventure 36: hide in a bucket - Text Adventure 35: break his face - Text Adventure 34: OH FUCK NO - Text Adventure 33: OH NO - Text Adventure 32: slug the fucker! turn that silly grin upside down! - Text Adventure 31: throw the bastard into the well - Text Adventure 30: ignore him - Text Adventure 29: run - Text Adventure 28: excuse yourself and run to the well - Text Adventure 27: strike conversation with guest - Text Adventure 26: greet guest - Text Adventure 25: go out to the well - Text adventure 24: grab bucket - Text Adventure 23: use the water in bucket to wash your washing bowl - Text Adventure 22: enter kitchen - Text Adventure 21: leave room and go down to the kitchen - Text Adventure 20: open chests - Text Adventure 19: wear guest chamber pot as a hat - Text Adventure 18: enter guestroom - Text Adventure 17: snoop around the other rooms - Text Adventure 16: kick the table - Text Adventure 15: karate chop the table - Text Adventure 14: kick your way epically out the door - Text Adventure 13: continue as planned - Text Adventure 12: toss washing bowl's contents outside the window - Text Adventure 11: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 10: drink from washing bowl - Text Adventure 9: wash face in washing bowl - Text Adventure 8: wash chamber pot in washing bowl - Text Adventure 7: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 6: douse the bastard! - Text Adventure 5: wear chamber pot as hat - Text Adventure 4: pee in chamber pot - Text Adventure 3: make a rope out of bedsheets and rappel out the window while wearing chamber pot as a hat - Text Adventure 2: wear chamber pot as a hat TEXT ADVENTURE TIME: Herbert's Side Story - Donation gift! - a glorious future - old age catching up to his ears - waiting for the news - in a wheelbarrow - The Holy Birch makes its appearance - they're happy twits at least - angry mumbling - but I swear I'm totally fine - like a loon - hold on... to the night... - tripping balls - topsy-turvy - tripping - fire and brimstone - general overreacting - PLOFT. - not much repenting going on here - the long and winding path - it's shedding! D: - scare tactics - someone overheard something incriminating - suddenly, an authority on historical architecture - make-believe saint - epic pontification - and now... - hey look, it's that old guy - the inn sure looks different from how it was in the first chapter - badoumph! - a heartwarming gift - INCOMING BOOBS - someone is a matchmaker - girls making plans - cleaning up - he's got a mustache - chop chop chop - never freeeeeet - what you do when you're half-asleep - It's that dead rat taste in your tongue - Chapter 7 - Community Service - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans - Beatrice's Plans Interlude 1 - Beatrice's Plans - sympathy for the devil - guess who's back - a choir of demons are singing - lies, all lies - the party is over - not exactly as planned - didn't see this coming - cunning use of musical transitions - oooh... - kidnapping! - moving on... - how to spoil fond memories - riverdance - philosopout - procrastination sketch - a long time ago, in a booth far, far away... - oh my god the thingie with the cool thingies and... oh! - the party queen has arrived, commence partying - under a red sunset - racking up debts - I bet your pants - linguistic subtleties - nearly as think as you drunk I am - caught slacking - Live free, party hard - FUCK YEAR CAKE - you're a very very bad bad girl, bea - capitalism! - counting your victories - special touch - sue him - customer service at its best - Autumn! Chapter 6 - Harvest Festival - erasing the evidence - Chipper - First prize! - sweet as sugar - shaggy dog brick - bringing sexy back - sneak sneak sneak away - hammerman! - clunk - OHSHI part 2 - AAAALWAYS - he means he feels fuzzy - You just know this stuff when you're this old - censoring the wrong word - Heeeeeiki, heiki! - a hellish sight - getting to the point - OHSHI - any moment now... - He still fails to see the point - it's like doing community service - grammar nazi - Leaves fall - tripping all over the place - casting doubt on his POWERS - you are a hole on the floor - *ominous drop* - consider this a love tap - she's looking in the wrong place - trout pout - knowledge = power - the inheritance cycle - All for one - she knows how to lay it on - yes, it was Theo - WHA-- - Sometimes a cauldron is just for cooking - Merry Christmas! - So yeah. Chapter 5 - Beatrice - Wait, what? - Visiting Miss Boobies - don't poke - ooooooh... - actually they think he's pretty pathetic - burrrrrrn - dun dun DUN - no place like home - constipated - I told you it was a decoy - this is totally a decoy - RUN AWAAAAY - overkill - the conclusion is obvious - an understandable reaction - Y hallo thar - dun dun duuuuuun - totally did not see this coming - mine is an evil laugh - a face only a mother can love - Uh-oh. - DAAAAAASH - Suck my rose - NOT THE SHAWL DD: - A bunch of trees - It's logical! - CHANSU DA! - kicking imaginary pebbles - A completely unexpected reaction - A slave driver, wink wink - SAXOPHOOOOOONE - Watch me, guys! - Now in chibi-vision - No one gives a fuck - Frustration management Chapter 4 - Bewitched - rocking all night long - You only wish your rpg would start like this - SHE'SLEAKING - Good morning, sunshine - PRIORITIES - They're both upset :/ - You woke the neighbors up! - Duh. - Paternal fury gives you ninja powers - This be my evil shine-in-the-dark grin - AXED! - Have fun. - Snarrrrrrrrrrlrawwwwwwwwrrrrr. - Didn't see that coming. - Wait, what happened between the last page and this one? - Oggling! - Look, BREASTS! - Yeah, the mass. - Now all they need is a boombox - GAH MY EYE - God Knows - Courage - Below the belt - A hook to the chin! - Round 1: fight - starting a job - Plan 1 of 1: success? - When he said work, he didn't mean work - Happy Rainbow Aura - Hunting for a job - Look at the pretty candles - Wounded pride - Upstanding demon - Playing meek - He's a little possessive - The impact of love - I is for inbreeding - Some new guy Chapter 3 - A helping hand - Wasn't in the script - Kinda like a marble - Gone with the wind - just like in highschool - If only there were playstations back then - Off in Dreamscape - Sounds logical - Jerry and Terry - Careful with that door - Missing some teeth - The arrival - Making Business - NO WAI - Inspiration - Misunderstanding - Or did he? - Friends - Whiner - Heart Failure - Vibes at you! - I'm feeling blue, baby Chapter 02 - You don't talk about Puke - Character sheet - Herbert - The Silly Updates Series - 01 - NOT UPDATE - Silence, finally! - CrashBang - In Hoc Signo Vincis - The devil is a nerd - Design pro - BLAM! - It does not compute - Dumbass :D - Exposition of Doom III - the revenge - Exposition of Doom II - Exposition of Doom - ....or maybe not - Perfectly safe - A Friendly guy - Thank you - Punt! - Like scat porn, only worse - However did you know? - Not enough arms - No, not a festival - Title Page Chapter 01 On the way back Next Last Author notes mine is an evil laugh Elanor Pam on Aug. 1, 2009 Ventriloquism is not one of Bert's powers. 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