Surreal pseudophotographic thought diary

Author notes

050. Not... this again...

Flamen Tenebrarum

on Aug. 4, 2007

A gleaming, burning network of high tension through me, my veins are live wires… I'm going to blow myself up, I want discharge, getting rid of it all, I want relief, I want death, death right now to escape this, what is this starburst in me, what's happening to me… not again…
And I know there is no relief…
Not in this life.
I am so ashamed of myself. Pardon me… my Queen… pardon me…

Exhausted, my forehead resting in my hand as I lean forward in my chair, I feel my chest rise and fall, I am still alive, still breathing.

Oh gods how I hate this.

I wish I could at least cry.