so there i was. face to face with a giant man-eating cracker. he was saltine by the looks of it and not about to let me have his beautiful maiden. this called for wit and cunning. i stared at him, he stared at me. suddenly a penguin flew out of a nearby window and i jumped at my opportunity. before he knew what had happened i was back home hiding under the sheets eating comfort food and screaming that i would never adventure again. and that, my dear friends is why hinges should never be buttered on a tuesday.
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