The Ctrl V Derivitaries

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Holy perfect penis, Batman!

LH_Franzibald

on May 2, 2007

I finally got a Nintendo Wii. And me, being perfect, I am entitled to having a controversial opinion that differs from the general populace. Why? Because you guys are all just cash monkeys put on this earth to sustain my pure drawing talent. You should feel honored to send me fan mail and giving me all your money. I mean, if I was a worthless reader like you guys, and I mean that in the nicest way, I'd totally worship a perfect human like me.

So that opinion of mine. The Wii? It's a piece of crap. And I can give you ten reasons why:

1: Big systems are awesome- The Xbox, 360, and PS3 are all big, the PS2, Gamecube and Wii are small. And the 360 is the best system ever. Coincidence? I think not!

2: Motion sensitivity sucks balls- This is a fact. Xbox games are awesome because they use TWO joysticks and a D pad. Why would I want to turn a steering wheel? Tilting an analog stick to the left is way cooler! I lost my virginity to Fable for the Xbox, and that system didn't have motion controls.

3: Fable is awesome- See number 2.

4: I'm awesome- See number 2

5: Nintendo doesn't make good games: Zelda doesn't have any blood. A game's superiority is primarily based on the ESRB rating. E = ew, M = Mature as in "Mature tastes". Only sofisticated people like me play Bloodrayne. You suck. Suck my balls. I like it when you suck my balls.

Reasons 6-10 are for idiots. If you need to know what they are, you need to stop breathing, unless you are saying "Franzibald is awesome" when you do.

There you have it. The Wii is a piece of trash. Go buy a 360. It's better, simply because I said so.

-L.H. out!