Bear with me, here! Yes, dropping in on a snuff-themed game show is a bit of a tangent, but it was my (seemingly at the time) brilliant way of introducing the character Rohan Govindu, who pops up later in the chapter. So it is a waste of time, but also not… but mostly it is.
And don't ask me what exactly the rules of this game show are, because I have no idea! It's surprisingly difficult to come up with a functioning original game show concept, rules and all, from scratch. So I just did something that looks vaguely gambling-related, with exceptionally dire consequences.
And there will be exceptionally dire consequences for your brain cells if you tune in later this week for the next install… Wait, that wasn't encouraging at all. Oh well! Whatever.
Do you like breasts? Odds are, if you're a dude, then you do. Because they're neat. But did it ever occur to you that breasts are really weird, and you should think they're gross? Well they are, and you should.
Human females are unique among mammals in that they have pendulous breasts all the time, not just when they're nursing young. Cows, dogs, even primates, will grow swollen breasts of some sort when they become pregnant, but they go away once they no longer need them. And that makes sense, and if you believe like most people do – that women have breasts in order to feed their young – then you would expect this to be the case for them as well. But it isn't, and nobody really knows why. There are lots of theories, some less ridiculous than others, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that human females are sexually receptive all the time, and not just when they're in estrus like in most mammal species… but that's just a total shot in the dark. Your guess is as good as mine.
Well obviously then, if breasts aren't purely functional, they must be for decoration, right? Women have breasts because men find them sexy, right? Well… I'd hazard to guess that, if anything, it's the other way around. Men probably learned to find breasts attractive once women started keeping them year round. Why would I think such a crazy thing? Stop judging me, I have my reasons! I'll explain…
In every other mammal species, males are repulsed by breasts, not attracted to them. When a female has breasts, it means she's nursing, which means she can't ovulate and is not receptive. Males will tend to avoid her and look for a more promising mate. Breasts are a turn-off, not a turn-on. This goes right up through the primate lineages that we humans broke off from millions of years ago, so it's probably safe to assume we would have inherited these traits as well. So that leaves us with a puzzling question: When in our history did dudes stop looking at breasts as gross floppy flesh bags, and start obsessing over them? It's a great evolutionary question, and one we'll probably never have a definitive answer to. But it's still fun to think about!
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