Author notes

Ch. 13 Page 04

dragonsong12

on July 18, 2010

More talking, whoo!

I have to admit, I'm not happy with this page. I knew what I wanted it to say, but the original script I had didn't really work and after an hour of sitting and staring at the screen, I came up with this, and…well…it's better, but it's still not what I wanted.
The basic idea is that Tren is feeling sorry for himself, because he'd already been feeling like a pretty horrible person and he felt this cemented it. Jaith gets pissed because he thinks Tren's buying into the "boetheri are just animals" thing and he's calling bullshit. I like the "talking about two different things" dialogues.
…buuuut, I don't think that all comes across well. The original script stated it much more bluntly, with Tren referring to himself as a monster, but it didn't feel like anything they'd actually say and it felt too forced so…yeah…if anyone else has any suggestions for how it ccould be phrased better, I'm all ears. It wouldn't be terribly hard to change, anyway.

Anyway, we're almost done with the talking scene. I promise. Thanks for bearing with me! See you next week!