Villainy Minor

Author notes

Disappointment

Evil Emperor Nick

on Oct. 19, 2007

Havenshire Harbinger October 20th 2007

Sudoku I Choose You! By Vinessa Tress

When I was a girl it was Pokemon. Those horrible one-hundred and fifty-one pocket monsters which invaded from Japan. They arrived like locust and began consuming everything in their wake. Within weeks my favorite shows had been sent to the dust bin of TV programming to make room for these horrible little monsters. Once here, they began to multiply as generation after generation of pokeball slingers continue to hunt and capture the ever multiplying and mutating beasts. With all the "mating" they must do to produce those kinds of numbers I wonder how they ever find the time to fight.

Well now Japan has done it again, but this time the monster they sent us is Sudoku! It is a little known the fact that Sudoku is in fact not Japanese. Sudoku started life in the United States of America under the name Number Place where it was generally considered too complicated and boring to actually be played even by computer geeks to which the game was targeted at. Several years later however the Japanese came across it and renamed it Sudoku after giving it a healthy dose of the radiation that created Godzilla and sent it around the world once it had finished becoming a giant monster hell bent on destroying major metropolitan cities.

Recently a local paper that isn't the Havenshire Harbinger decided it needed to get in on the Sudoku trade. They resisted it for a while but when they realized how many suburbanites lay about each morning desperate for their Sudoku fix so they can get through the day, their eyes turned green with dollar signs. But wait, there was a problem: the paper was all ready full up! What could they do? Well, it was an "arts & entertainment piece" so cleary something had to give. We can't have to much of the arts in a paper, they reasoned, people might hurt themselves flipping past it to find the sports page. So what to cut then? Celebrity Gossip? Heck no! Too many people like Paris Hilton's very lively hood depend on that. Could we cut the section on daytime TV? No, no, no, how else would people know what is going on in All my Children? If they missed an episode they would be totally lost! But fear not for they found something they could cut down, the comics! After all no one reads comics anymore. Heck with Calvin and Hobbes, Farside & Peanuts gone are there even any comics lefts? Not anymore, ehehe, we cut them for Sudoku and horoscopes!

This is the deathnote of an era. The strip format comic is dying, no match for Sudoku's atomic fire like a bird going south for the winter it flees away to the internet. Never more shall the morning paper deliver comic goodness to start my day off with a smile, that is what people have cell phones for right? Well I love my I-Phone but satan will be starting an ice hockey team before I try and read comics off my cell phone while eating breakfast. With my morning co-ordination the only laugh I'll get out of it is when I try and test the limits of my phone's warranty after fishing it out of my cereal bowl. Oh morning comics I shall morn your loss, but at least all always have witty columns right? Right?