I got to thinking this cause… well I don't know. I really know what I would act like. I don't seem to cry at furnals at all. I guess I would bottle it up and try to forget about it…
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
How are you going to act when you lose someone inportant to you?
I'll do what I usually do and get locked in a padded room. just kidding, though it may be a good idea. I go into what can be described as a blood-rage when a friend or family member dies. I usually go to a junkyard or deep into the woods and go ballistic on something. Then I go and and shed no tears at the funeral because others depend on me to be stoic.
I don't wanna answer cuz this will sound too much like I'm tryign to be cool or something or wanting attention but I don't keep people close to me enough to get bothered anymore. When my grandpa died I was fine. He was jes dead, no big. I was livign with him at the time and had for several years to clarify that.
I tend to not react well. When my great aunt died I spent a good twenty minutes in a more or less catatonic state before crying and then going home. Once home I avoided everyone and started to drink heavily. After that I was depressed for weeks, unless I was drunk in which case I didn't feel much of anything. After rationalizing I was being unhealthy I quit drinking for a while. I still get depressed at family events because my great aunt's not at them anymore.
I react a bit differently every time. Sometimes it's intense sadness. Sometimes it's almost a form of denial. I've finally gotten to where I just take the social hit and the judgment of others and do not go to funerals unless there's absolutely no civilized way whatsoever to get around it.
When my father died I thought I handled it well enough, but my wife told me that I acted a bit zombified for nearly a year afterwards.
I am a long time member of a wood carving group and most of them are considerably older than me. No matter how close I get to them during the course of our weekly meetings I absolutely refuse to go to their funerals. Been two of them die during the last five years. It's depressing.
I have a lot of trouble expressing or understanding emotions, so when something like that happens it tends to hit me very hard. I just sort of switch off, I can't think, food becomes tasteless, the passage of time blurs etc. It usually doesn't last long, but it feels like forever to me.
I tend to act in a way where most people would find it strange.
when I was a kid if I tended to feel negative emotions, such as exemete loss, then my body kinda just feels so strange to the point where I feel violently ill. like my body would just shut down. there was times when I even kept on throwing up like crazy, which alarmed some people. So over time my body just kinda developed this mechanism against that, if you will.
Basically what happens is, I just don't really feel anything…kinda numb. And on the outside I'd basically act like everything was fine, and mainly keep on firmly holding on to the image of them being alive. Because even if I KNOW they're dead, I would rather not have my last image of them to be some dead body being buried into the ground or something.
I kinda prefer to visualize all the times we had together, focusing on all the positives instead of all the negativity of the current situation. kinda like believing that even if their psychical body is gone, they're still around in a way.
that's what I did when my great-grandmother died. I completely refused to go see her in her coffin and to see her buried. Although I did ask my mom to put this homemade necklace I had made for her as an child into her coffin.
and I didn't really feel anything.. sadness or anything at all. I just kept on thinking of all the times we had, even way back when she used to have black hair instead of that super white hair.
and then a week later I had this bizarre dream with her in it, and the whole dream was like such a obvious metaphor for death. I was on some train with her, and it was full of ghostly figures and stuff. My great-grandmother was shocked to see me there, and said that I was still too young to be riding with her on the train even though I wasn't that young in the dream. I just told her that I came on there to talk to her before she left for where-ever she was going.
So we spent like a long time talking about tons of things, mainly family stuff…
and when I woke up I just felt like laughing hard for some reason, so I just did.
and even though it was such a short time to get over the "mourning" period quickly, I did.
I am lucky, I have someone very close to me who has witnessed people 'passing over' and I believe her absolutely 1000%.
So when my Dad died sudddenly a few months ago I was able to understand that he was not 'gone' but had passed over through the bright door into whatever realm you wish to name it.
Lost my only nephew last year in a car accident, best mate through high school and uni about 6 years ago, another mate just before that.
Getting upset is pointless… They have moved on to something better, so why cry for them?
We will see them again so crying because we believe we won't is pointless too.
My Dad's 'get-together' (we didn't have a funeral, simply buried some of his ashes under a tree in the backyard and scattered the remaining in the bay where he used to fish often) ended up being a very funny occasion…
When my brother and I pushed his canoe out into the water to take his ashes out we capsized! It was cold too… everyone laughed so hard we didn't notice his ashes container floating out to sea as if he was saying he could do the job better himself (He was always very independant).
The when we retrieved them and paddled out we forgot to bring something to open the canister with so my bro used his teeth and got 'gritty stuff' in his mouth.
Dad would have been pissing himself laughing!
My father passed away from cancer 10 years ago. We knew it was coming but it was still hard. I had a lot of support: my wife, a best friend came down from Fort Worth (we're in Austin) and many friends and coworkers. I also had the wonderful opportunity to speak with and make peace with my father about some things we hadn't spoken of in years. So I had no regrets, no "if I only had done this/that" feelings.
I was only 26 at the time, married a couple of years, having a 2 year old son - who my father loved so dearly that my mother had a picture of him buried with my father. I believe my son is the reason my father lived 1.5 years longer than they expected him to.
I dream of my father from time to time. Not memories, new experiences. I consider it very special and I never think of him being dead when I see him in my dreams. It's just kind of weird when I wake up and realize I dreamed about him again.
I've had close friends and some family pass away since, and it hasn't been quite as difficult (although it's never easy). Once death becomes real to you, I believe you either understand it and cope with it or you fear it.
I don't fear death anymore.
That's just my opinion.
I might once again cease functionality for a period of time like when I lost my grandpa to a heart stroke and when the woman I truely loved and wanted to marry just let me go just like that and when I found out the true colors of so-called 'family'.
While I try my best these days to NOT get emotionally attatched to people, I believe I can still fall for it.
I'm just the type who is prone to get emotionally attatched (Is this genetic?). I have not evolved properly enough to adapt to today's environment? It is pathetic and I am embarrassed.
I've only lost one eprson, and since I was small, it's kinda disturbing that I didn't cry (about 10 tears max), and less than a week later, everyone was still freaking out but I was fine.
I think it's like my dad says, people are just things to me.
Blah.
Jesus, you could be the next coveinant…
I've been on this rock for over half a century, so I know very well how I'll act. I'll be very sad that I'll never have contact with that person again. I'll be happy that they are done with the constant trials and subterfuges of this world. If I truly held them deep in my heart, I will cry shamelessly for as long as it takes.
My mother passed away in June and since she was the one around for us a lot, she was a huge presence in both my life and my brother's. She was also the first death I've experienced so things were hard. I got depressed a lot and had a lot of "what-if"s moments. I think what made it difficult for me was that towards the end, I knew deep down it was coming. But I got so mad at the idea and I couldn't see how life could go on without my mother. So I've never made peace with a lot of things or told her things I've always wanted to tell her.
I don't drink which worked out well for me since my colleague turned to the bottle when she had a death in the family. I just drowned myself in distractions and work, and did anything to avoid thinking. When I started to think, I started to become horribly depressed and then I wouldn't be able to sleep. I was also very moody and sensitive.
Like others, I had a dream about my mother as well shortly after she passed away. She looked as she did about 15-20 years ago wearing a red striped sweater with a hairstyle that I can only describe as "triangular" (I was looking through photo albums to find photos for the funeral so that was probably why I dreamt of her that way.) She was sitting still on a small grassy hill but the fence in front of her moved rapidly so it looked as if she was still while the rest of the world moved. She laughed, waved, and started to say good bye to everything.
I think she said something about a squirrel too but it's a dream so my expectations aren't high or anything. ^^;;
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