Hall of Shame

Bad Review 1- A Conversation( pt 1)

Posted at 6:09AM, Sep. 23, 2009

I came across this one when I found someone was linking to me that I had not heard of. I went and checked out who it was and came across he following conversation.
(Names have been changed to Blackploitation characters to avoid embarassment!)
The initial bit is just the two guys tlaking, but pretty soon they get down to the important business of ripping Harkovast apart!
Also note that any links inteh text wont work in this version, so use your imagination!

Conversation with Dolemite
Dolemite: Sorry for leaving on you, I had to move into the doors.
Dolemite: *dorms
Savage: No problem
Dolemite: Care to play again in a bit?
Savage: Eh, already played for a pretty long while
Savage: I liked that server, though. You missed a fun bit where I set a heavy medic pair on fire, pulled out my axetinguisher, then just before I could hit the heavy a scout ran up behind me and shot him dead. So I swung at the medic, and right before it hit the scout shot him dead too.
Dolemite: Haha
Dolemite: I enjoyed that server, yeah.
Dolemite: It had decently fun people.
Savage: Yeah
Dolemite: Like the sniper and the bat scout.
Savage: I friended that fucker who made it his life goal to destroy my buildings
Savage: hm, while I'm thinking of it think I'll friend that motherfucker who stole all my axe kills
Dolemite: Hah
Dolemite: Who was it?
Savage: I made up for it later though when I ambushed and axetinguished the entire enemy team
Dolemite: …nice.
Savage: "Cyclops"
Dolemite: I need to learn to axtinguish, since they kinda nerfed the Flamethrower.
Dolemite: It DID need it admittedly.
Savage: They did nerf it?
Dolemite: …but somehow, I play Pyro better than I used to.
Dolemite: I think so.
Dolemite: They greatly reduced the flame's detection range.
Savage: … hahahahahaa hahahaahaha oh my god, unrelated but you are going to love this
Dolemite: Is it something related to China?
Dolemite: Cause I always get a laugh out of China/N. Korea.
Savage: So, I brought up my "recently played people" list so I could find Cyclops (I found him pretty quick because I rememeberd he had a werewolf icon because I called him a "fucking furry" after he stole my kills). You are on that list too, since we played recently.
Savage: Your name was shortened to "GG|Stratn wants … FRIEND"
Dolemite: …hahahaha
Dolemite: That's awesome.
Savage: For a split second I thought "Aww, if I wasn't already his friend I would friend him."
Dolemite: =p
Dolemite: I bet if I changed my nick to that, I'd get a friend every 45 minutes.
Savage: Hahaha, try it
Dolemite: My friends list is a little big, but I just may.
Savage: It'd be hilarious, but a little sad
Savage: Speaking of sad, Risp and I were just talking about webcomic name that bothers me to no end
Dolemite: Oh?
Savage: Savage: .. unrelated, on a bunch of the comics I read there is this Project Wonderful ad for a webcomic that has the most ridiculous name I have ever seen. Like, ridiculous but not intended to be a joke. It's starting to bother me more and more, that this name even exists.
Dolemite: …
Dolemite: oh?
Savage: http://www.projectwonderful.com/img/uploads/pics/23164-1247084250.jpg here's the ad
Dolemite: …
Savage: Try saying it out loud
Dolemite: I don't see the problem
Savage: D= seriously?
Savage: It's like two vaguely archaic words slapped together with an O between them
Dolemite: …hahahaha, that's a funny name =P
Savage: I don't think it is, that is why it bothers me D=
Savage: rspss 270: I mean
Dolemite: it's stupid
Dolemite: but not horrible
Savage: I can't think of any worse ones
Dolemite: well
Dolemite: you could use the same formula
Dolemite: but pick worse words
Dolemite: Hammisteak
Savage: That's just humorous, though. It's not even trying to take itself seriously.
Savage: For me, this name strikes an uncomfortable middleground where it is clearly meant to be serious, but is still ridiculous.
Dolemite: true
Savage: And the fact that it is a portmanteau makes it worse than other horrible names that are just a stupid collection of words.
Dolemite: Based on the art, does the name surprise you?
Savage: Honestly, yes. Yes it does.
Dolemite: ..why?
Savage: Comeon, Harkovast
Dolemite: The quality isn't that bad D:
Dolemite: It's just like, a bad idea that to an untrained person, SOUNDS like a good idea.
Savage: I expect artwork like http://www.vortux.net/images/me/bad-drawing.gif or something
Dolemite: ..no, that'd go along with "Swap*A*Time"
Dolemite: …sorry. Swap**A**Time
Savage: ;-; why do you strike where it hurts
Dolemite: Cause it makes my points more effective if they make you cry.
Savage: God that sounds like something I'd say to Faw
Dolemite: You're rubbing off on me.
Dolemite: …sadly :\
Savage: Oh comeon it's no that bad
Dolemite: Definitely not. Using logic all the time has it's perks.
Dolemite: For one, I'm totally able to make my friends feel like idiots =P
Savage: But if you know me that well you know that this conversation turn has caused me to suddenly feel incredibly driven to read Harkovast in its entirety.
Dolemite: …are you kidding? I already started.
Savage: Want to read it together and engage in intellectual discussion about it?
Dolemite: No. Want to make fun of it instead?
Savage: That was pretty much what I meant
Savage: Except I put it more pretentiously
Savage: How far are you?
Dolemite: Just at the first panel.
Dolemite: I'm reading the DARK INTRODUCTION
Savage: hahaha, me too
Savage: Eldex comes close second to Harkovast
Dolemite: …Quinn-Tain is a hilarious name.
Dolemite: It just makes me mentally put "Tarintino" after it when I read it.
Savage: hahaha, Quinn Tain Tarintino?
Dolemite: Yes.
Dolemite: The defence of….HARKOVAST.
Savage: … the rainbow and the void?
Dolemite: ..oh god yes, colored pencils.
Dolemite: And basically direct scans.
Dolemite: Also, I was a bit curious about that too =P
Savage: wait, i'm trying to figure this philosophy out
Savage:
LIGHT
RAINBOW ——+———VOID
DARK
Dolemite: Hrmm..
Dolemite: I think "Void" is the absence of light.
Dolemite: And the Rainbow is the presence of it.
Dolemite: …which is the dame as light and dark.
Savage: yes, it is
Dolemite: I love Harkovast.
Savage: page 3: here come the furries
Dolemite: hahahaha
Dolemite: I was just about to say "Oh god yes, furries"
Dolemite: Furries fighting an army of 30 BLACK GUYS!
Savage: wait I'm still watchign them draw their lightsabers
Savage: and uh, laser arrows
Dolemite: hahaha
Dolemite: Dumbest helmet ever by the way.
Savage: nah, it can't be black people
Dolemite: It's not even shaped for a cat's head.
Savage: This is an army that "does not sleep"
Dolemite: BOOM SHAKA-LAKA
Dolemite: The Nameless Race.
Dolemite: …sounds like a name
Savage: D=!! was just abotu to say, yeah
Dolemite: That's just like the crit failest name so far, honestly.
Dolemite: Cause it's like, trying to be really mysterious, but is just…blatantly retarded.
Savage: holy fuck is that one guy wearing a skinned catperson on his back?
Dolemite: They all are.
Dolemite: Like, nobody would ever call something "nameless"
Savage: oh wow, didn't even notice. I assumed the rest were, like, just novelty animal hoods
Dolemite: …also..
Dolemite: "the Enemy"
Dolemite: …wow.
Savage: in Harkovast, there is only war
Dolemite: This is pretty grim dark.
Dolemite: …also, are they fighting with arrows?
Dolemite: Or holding their swords by the blade?
Savage: I think those are spears
Savage: You know, like giant arrows you fight with
Dolemite: Oh, I see.
Dolemite: ..short spears I guess.
Dolemite: ..that's actually fairly well informed, surprisingly.
Savage: shortspears?
Dolemite: Short spears are common for the bulk of fighting.
Savage: huh
Dolemite: Definitely not swords.
Savage: I was assuming it was just, like, an archer who realized that laser weapons meant he had no melee fallback
Dolemite: Haha
Dolemite: Well, really, think about it for a second.
Dolemite: Especially in early combat, like with Romans and Grecians, they built their entire armies around spearmen.
Savage: but swords can slash AND stab
Dolemite: But swords are heavy and short.
Dolemite: Spears can keep people at a distance.
Savage: Shortspears are short too
Dolemite: Longer than swords.
Savage: oh, ok
Dolemite: I mean, these laser spears suck.
Savage: are you at/past the page with the red background? D: is my favorite character, purely because of his face
Dolemite: Plus being effective with a sword is a lot harder than being effective with a spear.
Savage: definitely true, yeah
Dolemite: …hahaha
Dolemite: He looks incredibly acrobatic with those flails
Dolemite: I can't put my finger on it, but it looks like a dance pose.
Dolemite: With weapons.
Savage: saturday night fever
Dolemite: …YES
Dolemite: …I like the lower left cat guy's face.
Savage: Yeah, D: is saying "holy FUCK you guys he just fucking ripped someone's face out and bashed a guy in half at once with giant chians hwy the fuck am I even here with you and this goddamn laser arrow or whatever"
Dolemite: …next page is awesome.
Dolemite: It's too funny.
Savage: Disco gets +1 awesomepoints for the headbutt, though
Dolemite: Totally.
Dolemite: This guy is definitely Chaotic Asshole.
Savage: hahaha
Dolemite: …Shogun is here to fight for…Napla.
Dolemite: Which is a western sounding name.
Savage: His weapon deserves credit as the least creatively named magic weapon ever.
Dolemite: With middle aged Europe housing.
Dolemite: But hey, what the fuck, a traditional Japanese swordsman fits in, right?
Savage: It explains in panel 4 he decided to fuck the whole europe thing and be a ninja
Dolemite: I noticed.
Savage: It's probably a smart move
Dolemite: I was like "Well…fuck me, he totally showed me there."
Savage: He is probably versed in fantasy cliches, and said "okay, do I want to train as a redshirt soldier with his face hidden behind a mask or be the only ninja?"
Dolemite: …damn good point you have there.
Savage: also, robot arm
Dolemite: ..also, telescoping sword.
Dolemite: With a hilt that can't possibly hold the entire blade.
Savage: If it's telescoping it can
Dolemite: Huh, decent point.
Dolemite: technomancy!! =D
Savage: I assumed the blade was just a portal to the Plane of One Inch Wide and Two Feet Long.
Dolemite: Make sense.
Dolemite: …who throws a hook, by the way?
Dolemite: That's a dumb weapon.
Dolemite: Admittedly, his take down of Disco was kinda cool.
Dolemite: But I liked Disco. He's my favorite character so far.
Savage: I didn't see a hookthrow
Dolemite: Eh, not important.
Dolemite: ..holy fuck, Shogan is PISSED.
Savage: he chopped that poor fucker's face in half twice
Dolemite: Hahaha
Dolemite: There is a southern colonel who's a vulture wearing a sombrero.
Savage: I just saw
Dolemite: Just making sure I didn't LOSE MY FUCKING MIND
Savage: man, saying that with a southern drawl is the best thing ever
Savage: Ah have learned of mah enemy, and that is all ah require
Dolemite: It's pretty hilarious.
Dolemite: But very surreal.
Savage: Explanation is obviously he is from the future
Savage: mandatory native american inspired group
Dolemite: Ah, good point.
Dolemite: Chapter 1 over.
Dolemite: Now we get more Quin-Tainn!
Savage: "What's the plan, Tarintino?"
"I'm thinking we ressurrect a serial killer. You know, he's probably good at it."
Dolemite: Aren't assassins supposed to be sneaky?
Dolemite: Oh, he extinguished himself.
Savage: Still reading his fire rant
Dolemite: And turned into a gay birdman.
Dolemite: ..DAMN sorry.
Dolemite: Spoiled it :<
Savage: D= well now we know where Rainbow comes in
Dolemite: Tell me when you get to the knight with the feathers.
Savage: there now
Dolemite: Cause he does something amazing
Savage: wait maybe not
Savage: I think that's his horse?
Savage: Er… osteritch?
Dolemite: The next page.
Dolemite: Wearing full armor.
Savage: he's entering the church
Dolemite: It looks like the walked into the door face first
Dolemite: *he
Savage: If I had a helm I would headbutt doors open too
Dolemite: Fuck that church is messing with my perception.
Dolemite: Also, Disco would smile on that idea.
Savage: hah

Posted at 6:09AM, Sep. 23, 2009

Savage: The enemies have pink battle elephants
Dolemite: Eye scars must be an anti-hero
Savage: I like Orange Priestess's reaction to the attack
Savage: "Argh! The Nameless!"
Savage: It's not even like "Aaaah!". It's just like "God fucking damnit they found me!"
Dolemite: Hahaha =P
Dolemite: Also, chainsaw sword.
Dolemite: Except without the chain.
Dolemite: So sawsword.
Savage: hahaha
Dolemite: Sheesh, can EVERYONE just summon a laser sword?
Savage: No, he's not an antihero. He's just a chivalrous dick
Dolemite: Yeah.
Dolemite: Who takes the time to explain common knowledge in the middle of his fight.
Savage: I can kind of sympathize with Nameless there
Savage: I would've kicked him too
Dolemite: No kidding.
Dolemite: Least favorite protagonist.
Savage: aaaaand back to Tarintino and Serial Killer.
Dolemite: …serial killer in skin-tight leather.
Dolemite: Way less sexy when it's not on a russian chick D:
Savage: Well, you already guessed he was a homo
Savage: And he wants to "kill people and look good while doing it"
Dolemite: Oh, this guy is flaming.
Savage: hahaha, pun? Really? =P
Dolemite: I mean, it's all there.
Dolemite: You have to admit, it was a fabulous pun.
Savage: yeah, it kind of was
Savage: Priestess on the next page has the right idea
Dolemite: Yeah.
Dolemite: …god, this guy DOESN'T SHUT UP
Savage: until she quits to let him do it the Honorable Way
Dolemite: haha, she looks pissed though.
Savage: seriously
Dolemite: Like "Fine, I WON'T hit him. I'll let him stab you, douchebag."
Savage: "And then I can fight him one-on-one. With a fucking barstool."
Savage: oh comeon where the fuck is the honor in pulling a second sword?
Dolemite: He's only chivalrous to be a dick.
Savage: hahaha
Dolemite: Once it's clear he's losing, he drops it.
Savage: aaaand End Chapter 2
Savage: What have we learned about Chivalry, class?
Dolemite: Chapter 3 features another..protagonist, I guess.
Dolemite: I honestly hate this way of introducing characters.
Savage: Oh?
Dolemite: "Now to focus on something ENTIRELY different from what just happened."
Dolemite: I mean, I know it can be effectively interwoven.
Dolemite: But I know for a fact this guy won't pull it off =P
Savage: … well, evidently not a protagonist
Dolemite: …oh wow, next page it's interwoven.
Savage: He just killed everyone and took their stuff
Dolemite: Still. Shitty introduction =P
Dolemite: Wouldn't it have been better to just focus on them talking, rather than burn on a page on showing a lizard guy kill people just off panel?
Dolemite: All the information we need could have been revealed through dialogue.
Savage: "Thcatterpod, you're a deeeelight girl!"
Savage: You have to read his dialogue as flamingly homosexual in your head or you're doing it wrong
Dolemite: "Mmm mm, I could just eat you up yum yum yum thcatterpod."
Savage: ouch, that hurts me in my hetero
Dolemite: It hurt mine too.
Dolemite: But I go to a College of Fine Arts =P
Savage: Yeah, you have resources
Dolemite: "Be good, munchkins. I'll be back thoon!"
Savage: hahaha
Savage: … oh man I love how he vanishes in a dramatic effect and appears, like, twenty feet away running away
Savage: If you ignore the fact he's spamming it to move faster it's kind of funny
Dolemite: Yeah, it's pretty much every parody of disappearing in smoke.
Savage: Next page, he ponders anatomy.
Savage: Before the advent of radio people had to do SOMETHING while travelling alone.
Dolemite: I guess so =P
Dolemite: Why's the priestess crying?
Savage: She isn't a hard-ass bitch like the other, who is just pissed she didn't get to barstool anyone
Dolemite: HAHAHA
Savage: And then he picks her nose
Dolemite: Later, everything we said about chivalry gets acknowledged by the author.
Savage: At least Homohawk has his hear in the right place
Savage: Panel 2 of the next page is amazing
Savage: In a bad way
Dolemite: Which page?
Savage: "I'm sorry I tried to interfere, Sir Knight"
Savage: the one that starts with that
Dolemite: Wow.
Savage: hahaha
Savage: HUZZAH
Dolemite: Yeah, I enjoyed that.
Savage: … so, what was all that honor bullshit?
Dolemite: Doesn't mean dick when you're about to lose.
Savage: hahahaha
Savage: Have you gotten to the panel with Priestesses in it?
Dolemite: Yes.
Savage: That bottom left one confirms every joke we made about the two of them
Dolemite: I'm reading it so hard right now.
Dolemite: "…si..sir, can you keep your helmet on. Please?"
Dolemite: I think the author is brave for having one of his characters have downs syndrome.
Savage: hahahaha
Savage: The orange one has not stopped crying this whole time
Dolemite: Oh, she stops.
Savage: ah, there now
Dolemite: Just takes her 15 pages.
Savage: … panel 2 of the one with the three head closeups of the lizardgirl: EYEBEAMS
Savage: What is a "people of life and steel" anyway?
Dolemite: The narrator is a bit of a dick and asks too many rhetorical questions.
Dolemite: "Is Shogun some kinda half nigger?"
Savage: how far ahead are you? Or do you mean in general?
Dolemite: Fairly far ahead.
Dolemite: Like, 3-4 pages probably.
Savage: ah
Dolemite: I think DownsCat is one of my favorite characters so far.
Dolemite: For such horrible reasons.
Savage: The knight? He was your least favorite a chapter ago
Savage: Or the crying priestess?
Dolemite: This was before I realized he had Downs.
Savage: ah
Savage: wow, yeah, blatant rhetorical questioning
Savage: "That's great! I'd welcome your company"
Savage: I would've been like "Hell no, stay here D="
Dolemite: You're not a protagonist.
Savage: )'=
Savage: Chapter 4 now
Savage: Where are you?
Dolemite: 3rd page of Chapter 4.
Savage: Slow down >=
Savage: Oh hell yes southern drawl is back
Dolemite: k :<
Dolemite: And yes, he's back.
Dolemite: Turns out he's a Baptist. It's kind of annoying =\
Savage: I see
Dolemite: Harkovast feels like a furry grimdark Warhammer.
Savage: Aww, this guy looks so sad when he is told to drown himself
Savage: .. just got to his long rant
Savage: I think I'm actually offended by how accurate you were with "Turns out he's a baptist"
Dolemite: "wall o' text"
Dolemite: Haha =P
Savage: Looking at the guy in the fountain, it occurs to me furries can really drown themselves pretty easily
Dolemite: Yeah, I was a little impressed
Savage: Catpeople: because anyone dying is an excuse to booze it up
Dolemite: Yep
Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=543796 Panel 4: Lizard wonders if anyone else in the room if feeling a little gay
Dolemite: …god yes.
Savage: …
Savage: next page, they all fell for downsguy.
Dolemite: I noticed this.
Savage: I lose all respect for Barstool Priestess right there
Dolemite: Yeah. It's a tough thing to swallow.
Dolemite: She was great until then.
Savage: =/ now my favorite character has to fall back to Homohawk
Savage: .. hahaha, though Downs just got +1 respect
Dolemite: For what?
Savage: "Ah, a boat! How nautical!"
Dolemite: Yeah, I enjoyed that =P
Savage: Where are you up to?
Dolemite: They're chilling with the Half-nigger.
Savage: =D here too. Well, not chilling yet
Savage: okay chillin now
Savage: ..
Dolemite: Later, the author acknowledges the fact that cat people are wearing human armor
Dolemite: And how this is retarded.
Savage: did he just make them sit outside after he pulled out his meat products?
Dolemite: Yes.
Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=555905 "I AINT NO NIGGA BOY"
Dolemite: "What did you just call me? That is OUR WORD."
Dolemite: "Nothing gives you that right."
Dolemite: Lizard riding a lizard. Not sexual surprisingly =D
Savage: Chapter 5: Obese bandit
Dolemite: woah.
Dolemite: He IS fat
Savage: Aw man he's totally gonna rape liz
Dolemite: Ah, I'm not the only one waiting for the rape sub-plot to come up =P
Savage: .. well, I wasn't exactly waiting with bated breath
Dolemite: =P
Dolemite: Homohawk takes down a shirtless guy.
Dolemite: Any surprises?
Savage: The only good part would be the end when he says "oh nooo I crushed her!!"
Savage: and nope
Savage: He did it from behind too
Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=570039 some people ride lizards. Shogun rides a log
Dolemite: I was completely confused by this.
Savage: I was for a bit too
Savage: There is something terribly creepy about his expression and dialogue on the following page
Dolemite: Yeah.
Dolemite: I don't like Halfie.
Dolemite: ..Homohawk's exposition is hilarious.
Dolemite: Cause I imagine him saying all this in his head.
Savage: wait, I'm still at Liz punching a guy's eye out
Savage: She just got more badass kill points for that than Disco ever had
Dolemite: WOAH missed that.
Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=585334 she beats Homohawk as my favorite now
Dolemite: I saw
Dolemite: Yeah, honestly, she's relatively interesting.
Savage: She is the only character I like at this point. Like, as a character, as opposed to as a joke
Dolemite: Like, she's an outsider traveling with people who are either downsy so they're not judgemental, or shogun who's a dbag.
Dolemite: Yeah, exactly.
Savage: … new PoV character
Dolemite: PoV?
Savage: Like, narration from his point of view
Dolemite: Ah.
Dolemite: …where?
Savage: What page you up to?
Dolemite: I finished.
Savage: http://www.drunkduck.com/Harkovast/index.php?p=591587
Dolemite: That was the Ice Berserker thinking.
Dolemite: I guess.
Savage: Yeah
Savage: Sadly, the comic ends moments before Homohawk could shove his arm up Ice Berserker's ass.
Dolemite: "thhhzAP! I got yoooou!"
Savage: "Moneyshooooot!"
Savage: hm. What did you think of HARKOVAST?

Posted at 6:09AM, Sep. 23, 2009

Dolemite: Pretty generic teenager fantasy webcomic.
Dolemite: I'm always down for a good lampooning though.
Savage: Don't think it's teenager. Did you see the "by" at the beginning? It's a couple
Dolemite: Brother and sister.
Savage: Time for research
Savage: Harkovast is a fantasy webcomic written and drawn by Daniel Stribley, and colored by his wife Julie. The comic is notable for being draw and coloured largely by hand, using pens and coloured pencils. It is rated Mature on Drunk Duck due mainly to numerous depictions of bloody violence. The comic is accompanied by a forum on which the authors gives additional information on the background of Harkovast. -Wikifur
Dolemite: Well done
Savage: My google skills are unmatched
Savage: I can enter entire words
Savage: But yeah I agree with you that Lizardgirl was kind of fun. It's a pity the other characters were, like, racial stereotypes and homosexuals.
Dolemite: Yeah
Dolemite: She was accidentally interesting.
Dolemite: I kind of like that kind of protagonist though.
Savage: Oh?
Dolemite: Well, she has relatively few skills. I mean, she fought out of self-defense for once.
Savage: She punched a guy's eye out
Dolemite: Not cause somebody else was chasing her or anything.
Dolemite: …sorry, got distracted.
Dolemite: Let me start over.
Dolemite: Like, Shogun is just an asshole with no depth.
Dolemite: Homohawk is unintentionally a gay stereotype.
Dolemite: The DownsCat is annoying.
Dolemite: Quin-Tainn also has nothing of interest to offer so far.
Dolemite: The Bird guy is a baptist stereotype taken one monologue too far.
Dolemite: I mean, she the only one with a slight hint of depth outside of a stereotype.
Dolemite: In that she's basically a foreigner who's actually pretty pacifist.
Savage: That was really well put
Dolemite: She knocked herself out instead of fighting, and then as a last result, punched somebody's eye out.
Savage: This kind of reminds me of Twokinds in that there is only one character who is the slightest bit appealing.
Dolemite: Which is pretty refreshing compared to the violence so far.
Savage: … actually, now that I think about it it is basically the same character.
Dolemite: …really?
Savage: one sec
Savage: http://twokinds.net/?p=376
Dolemite: Anyway, I guess her appealing trait is that she doesn't resort to killing people right off, and this makes her an outsider in a lot of ways.
Dolemite: Both literally within the culture of the world, and within the cast we're supposed to root for.
Savage: It does make her more likable. DownsCat was a total dick after he got tired of chivalry, and was an asshole before.
Dolemite: I don't know who that person is, but I'm surprised I didn't immediately hate them.
Savage: who?
Dolemite: Well, it's that she relies on a lot more than just her combat skills.
Dolemite: She hides and uses her wits instead of immediately slicing somebody's head off, even though she has the ability to.
Dolemite: It's really pretty nice compared to everyone else who is SUPER FIGHTER CHAMP.
Savage: RRRRGGGH MUSCLES
Dolemite: LETS GO TO THE GYM
Savage: And then they shove an enemy's head into their armpit, flex, and watch it explode
Dolemite: Haha.
Dolemite: But really, when you analyze the character's personalities outside of their stereotype, there are 3 so far.
Dolemite: None, asshole, and lizard girl.
Savage: After Liz punched an eye out, I imagine Shogun punched a guy's eye out and was like "mine went further"
Dolemite: Haha
Dolemite: And then flexed and shouted "GUH-DOOSH!"
Savage: Meanwhile, Homohawk is holding a sword between his legs and yelling "look! I'm killing them with pelvic thrusts!"
Dolemite: …wow.
Dolemite: I never thought you could out gay me.
Dolemite: But damn.
Savage: It doesn't outdo that dialogue you did up a few pages
Dolemite: I guess so.
Savage: Dolemite: "Mmm mm, I could just eat you up yum yum yum thcatterpod."
Dolemite: ..hah.
Savage: It's even gayer in retrospect
Dolemite: Yeah, I was like "Wow. That was pretty damn gay."
Savage: hahaha
Savage: Also, who were you referring to with "I don't know who that person is, but I'm surprised I didn't immediately hate them."?
Dolemite: Natani
Savage: I'm serious that she was basically Lizardgirl.
Savage: Well, not entirely since she's an assassin I guess, but she still has that sort of "withdrawn due to being in a foreign culture" thing going on.
Dolemite: Thing is, that's a very relatable trait.
Savage: I think maybe that works in shitty fantasy in particular stories because what it basically equates to is a character who is finally willing to acknowledge how fucking stupid everything is.
Dolemite: Pretty much everyone can sympathize with being scared in a foreign culture.
Dolemite: Not many people can relate to basically being a murder machine.
Dolemite: Even a supposedly good one.
Savage: I guess some people can relate to being a homosexual, though
Dolemite: I guess.
Savage: And minorities may be able to relate to Shogun.
Savage: That is, if they could read.
Dolemite: Shogun is supposed to be a symbol of being mixed-race, I think.
Savage: )= in retrospect I actually feel bad for saying that incredibly racist joke
Dolemite: Problem is that he's not sympathetic at all.
Dolemite: I'm not sure why, but I think he's the worst character of them all.
Savage: Yeah
Savage: So many of the characters are just murderous assholes
Savage: I mean, it kind of works for Homohawk. But he's not even special.
Dolemite: No, not at all.
Dolemite: Shogun is just a straight up asshole, not just an annoying one.
Dolemite: So I guess that's why I hate him more than I hate Downsy McRetard.
Savage: I notice I lost all respect for the priestesses after they started orgasming over Downsy. I can't quite figure out if this is because I could no longer relate to them, or if I am actually judging fictional characters on their taste in men.
Dolemite: Relation.
Dolemite: See, we don't like Downsy. He didn't do anything likeable.
Dolemite: So the idea of them suddenly falling for him and saying how great he is..well.
Dolemite: For me, I found it outright unbelievable.
Dolemite: I couldn't suspend my disbelief for it.
Savage: Yeah. This is even ignoring the fact he was like 60 and had a lazy eye.
Savage: I think what I wonder is if it would be any better if it was emphasized that the priestesses were attracted to him due to reasoning I couldn't relate to.
Dolemite: Probably.
Dolemite: If the author made a point of showing how combat prowess and dickishness related to sexual attractiveness in their culture.
Savage: Like "… goddamn this is turning my Lazy Eye fetish on" - "Mine too."
Dolemite: I'd believe it an move on."
Savage: … or your example
Dolemite: …yours is better.
Savage: Yours is much more, uh… serious, I guess.
Savage: But yeah, I see what you mean
Savage: The people who make Twokinds and Harkovast should just give up their comics, get together, and make one about Natani and Lizardgirl. It doesn't even matter what it's about, it'd still be better than the existing ones.
Dolemite: Or we could drop an email of this log =P
Savage: I am mean, but not THAT mean. I try to at least be objective when talking to creators of things.
Dolemite: We can cut out all the parts of us talking shit about their comic
Savage: Then not much is left.
Dolemite: Point.
Savage: anyway I was joking, I don't think The Slightly Lesbian Adventures of Natani and ChenChen would have any appeal at all
Savage: I'm not sure if that "in a foreign culture" character can, uh, exist without the foreign culture setting, I guess.
Savage: I'm not even certain if it's an appealing character trait on its own, or something that feeds off the setting it is in
Dolemite: Part of the appeal is the context.
Dolemite: Most of why I liked her is that she was the only one with a shred of relatableness.
Dolemite: Notice how to explain WHY I liked her, I had to list why every other character is terrible.
Savage: hahahaha
Savage: I could relate to the priestesses until they turned one dimensional
Savage: Like, back when the knight called off that one who was about to barstool the enemy, and she just looks all D<
Dolemite: Because "Shit, hit him with a barstool!"
Dolemite: Like, I would try to do that.
Dolemite: People fighting, one looks more evil, smack him with a chair.
Dolemite: And yeah. She looked mad as fuck.
Savage: The Adventures of Natani and ChenChen would also be hindered by the fact it consists of nothing but introverted characters who don't speak much.
Savage: It would just be like, 80 pages of awkwardly sitting next to one another.
Dolemite: And then one panel of them making out.
Dolemite: BOOM. The end.
Savage: I was going to say "three panels of lesbian sex, twenty panels of them drinking and denying it ever happened while trying to stay on opposite sites of the room"
Savage: pages*
Dolemite: …that MIGHT be interesting though.
Dolemite: Like, if done seriously it could make for okay drama.
Savage: What, are they like locked in a room with nothing but alcohol and eachother?
Dolemite: I'm thinking placed in a best-possible context.
Dolemite: And the plot-point is like, a drunken hook-up.
Savage: It'd be kind of like:
CC: "I'm not even gay!"
N: "I'm not even female!"
CC: "… let's do it again."
N: "You don't even want the in-plot explanation?"
CC: "Nope."
Dolemite: Everyone goes "whhoooooooOOP!"
Dolemite: Assuming this was filmed in front of a 80's studio audience.
Savage: hahahaha, of course it is
Savage: You know, in retrospect Homohawk wasn't that bad of a character
Dolemite: I guess.
Dolemite: Pretty one-dimensional, but at least he acknowledged it.
Dolemite: Like, that violence is REALLY prevelant in their lives.
Savage: Other than thinking way too much and being a little swishy, I felt I could relate to him that he too wanted to kill everyone in the comic.
Savage: I mean, he seemed kind of like a dick when he was describing those foxpeople as barbarians, but that was really a pretty spot-on description of everyone in harkovast
Dolemite: True, true

Posted at 6:09AM, Sep. 23, 2009

Savage: I want to check up on this comic in like two years. I bet he hooks up with Lizardgirl and they produce an offspring who is a very appealing character.
Dolemite: No, he'll be a half-nigger like Shogun.
Savage: What was it, mother's culture, father's race?
Dolemite: Yeah.
Dolemite: That was the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Savage: He'll be a ninja . Who can fly.
Savage: Actually, I kind of liked that. Well, from a story point of view, not a science one. It hurts me in the science.
Savage: Like, the idea that the only thing that separated them from their father's racial group was that they had all kinds of creepy weird magic abilities that were completely foreign.
Savage: As opposed to the standard fantasy thing, where the elves tell the half-elves "You're not elfy enough for us" and the humans tell the half-elves "You look like the guy on Keebler cookie packages"
Dolemite: True.
Dolemite: There wasn't distinction of appearance.
Savage: I think what I liked was more that it didn't pursue the normal route of "they are outcast by both cultures", but rather put them on the spot as to whether they wanted to be the only scaly barbarian in the forest or the only lizard practicing witchcraft.
Dolemite: And it's more their choices that make people hate them, not just run of the mill racism.
Savage: yeah
Savage: Presmably this is a setting where, if you are shunned by every culture, you don't become a lonely adventurer. You just get murdered and raped in the woods.
Dolemite: That's what I've picked up on.
Savage: I imagine cartographers have made maps of what sort of horrible fate befalls people in various geographical areas. Like, on the map there is a large red colored area with "MURDER" written on it. Slightly overlapping it is a green blob reading "RAPE". Part of the murder area is brighter red, and labeled "MURDER AND RESSURRECTION REPEATEDLY". The small location where that overlaps the rape area is the worst place to be alone.
Dolemite: Unless you're a fetishist.
Savage: … maybe >=
Savage: Well, anyway, that was an oddly fun use of a night
Dolemite: Yeah.
Dolemite: Plus I got a little bit of character and writing theory out of it.
Dolemite: Mostly about relateableness and what makes a shitty character shitty.
Savage: I've always kind of enjoyed reading bad and mediocre things for that reason. You guys over in classic lit don't get this kind of fun )=
Dolemite: I know! :<
Savage: And yeah, I feel the same way. I like to think I will now never accidentally produce a character who has all the charm of a WH40k marine.
Dolemite: You can learn from the bad and the good, I guess.
Dolemite: But it's good to observe what causes failure just like observing what causes success.
Savage: My attitude has always been that if you are more driven by what doesn't work rather than what works, your product will be less derivative.
Dolemite: That's pretty reasonable.
Savage: It's sort of on par with "necessity is the mother of invention". It's strange that creative fields so often focus on analyzing what works, since in most other fields the production of working things relies on the critical analysis of things that don't.
Dolemite: Hrm.
Dolemite: I'm not sure if I agree with that statement, if just because I don't see much evidence for it.
Savage: Oh? On what front?
Dolemite: The 2nd statment.
Dolemite: I'll agree that creative fields focus on things that work over things that don't.
Dolemite: But there's also a weird, preservation aspect to some of this stuff.
Dolemite: Like, nobody has made a new sounding violin in ages, because everyone expects the violin to sound a certain way.
Dolemite: Anyway, rambling but interesting point.
Dolemite: I've not gone deep enough outside a creative field to know what you mean by the critical analysis of things that don't.
Savage: I think I speak for the majority of non-musicians when I say that I pretty much just judge music on how it sounds. Personally I can rarely even tell what an instrument is, beyond "plucky" or "bowy"
Dolemite: ..huh, point.
Dolemite: Common saying, musicians hear differently.
Dolemite: I don't think that's a product of creative fields though.
Dolemite: ..wait, it is.
Dolemite: I just failed at coming up with counter-examples :M
Savage: haha
Savage: As for "critical analysis of things that don't", think of something like the theory of evolution. Initially people just assumed animals were plopped down in their current form by God. That didn't explain all the weird in-between fossils. So Lamarck is like "hey maybe animals produce offspring that were better suited to their environment". It doesn't make a lot of sense how, say, a giraffe's desire to reach high leaves could make its offspring have longer necks, so Darwin is like "maybe animals are all mutated and the bad ones just die".
Savage: If evolution was approached the same way as creative fields, people today would be like "Giraffes are just Africa's Horses. They have long necks to go with those long-necked african people"
Savage: wb
Dolemite: Thanks.
Dolemite: Racist.
Dolemite: Ah, okay.
Dolemite: That makes sense.
Dolemite: Thanks for plugging my knowledge hole
Savage: now your brains can't fall out it
Dolemite: Anyway, I'm going to tf2 a gam
Savage: dd

Posted at 2:04PM, Apr. 15, 2010

These guys talk too much.

Posted at 4:04PM, Apr. 15, 2010

As long as they are talking about Harkovast, it's all good!

Posted at 6:09PM, Sep. 18, 2010

whether or not you think less of me, these guys were pretty damn funny, save the racism. since they went through the whole comic at that point, it was like reading a parody of a story you liked. kinda like the hundreds of star wars parodies.