Thread "Five months, vent/update " in forum "Comic Talk and General Discussion *"

Posted at 6:05AM, May. 13, 2023

As of writing this yesterday was my Birthday (May 12th), because this is a long, long vent and update I decided to pre-write this the best I can because I am truly upset with my life and how things are.
For my Birthday I spent it with mom running around on a bus for literally hours trying to get to a doctor that specializes in casts gor her broken wrist, getting yelled at by the building owner for existing and threatened with arrest because we are homeless despite having a reason for being there.
It might have to do with the fact we have so many bags a piece that it can fill a plane with or the fact we both are filthy from lack of clean clothes, but we still stayed only to be told her current wrist brace works good enough and we took an hour and a half back.
I had kind of planned a day of trying to get free food for my birthday, it failed badly because at Denny's they were rude and didn't want anyone at the restaurant because when I was coming in there was only one guy who was being forced to pack up his food and rushed out. I did get a McDonald's pastry item though, got that while trying to charge up the phones and batteries at the library. Mom stayed in the next door park with the cat while I kept running back and forth with barely charged battery trying to keep her phone up for "a very important phone call that she can't miss", only it never came. We spent the remaining time instead of going to a grocery store picking up the free food for my birthday, we waited in the hot sun next to crackheads openly smoking for "free" food that never showed up.
This isn't new, as when we were in the shelter we would show up at 3, sometimes earlier and just wait around until 8:30 to go inside for a single cot. My phone at the time would drain quickly, it would last only half an hour without a back up and with one it might last, two hours at most. The entire time I would just sit there for hours, depressed that no one around me wanted to talk about "fun" things like games, movies or any other entertainment, just wanted to talk about where to get food, how to get there, how this friend was killed or that person od'ed.
It was boring, and I just don't know why we couldn't just go back to the library or look for work or SOMETHING but I just went with it because I was saddled with stuff and a cat.
We stop going to the shelter after my phone was stolen, which was weird as the screen was falling off held by the screen ribbon and barely took charge, and the next night someone try to steal my cat.
We just stay at the airport now, avoiding this crooked charity called Task Force Fore and spend a lot of time just riding to mom's job interviews or going to the gym for a shower or to some soup kitchen.
I kind of just gave up in the shuffle of trying to support mom in this, I gave up a lot really for her to succeed really, comic books, anime, videos, games, soon drawing because she keeps taking over to watch pluto tv at night, I am just so tired and trying not to paint her as a bad guy but I feel, wrong. Especially after yelling at me that "she was done, no more parenting, I was on my own after this", and I was like, 'yeah, that's the plan, I want to be on my own'.
That pissed her off, a long with just demanding to know what she wants me to actually do.
"You're deflecting", was her words right after so I just shut up.
I feel sick being this mean, and leaving a lot out because it is just too much to cover and bare, I feel like I am at fault too in these arguments and try to be fare but there's times I do wonder if I wouldn't be better off alone.
Mom has a few lawsuits going right now, but money isn't keeping me here but the feeling of guilt and trying to be a good kid is.
But I think I am pushing up against my limits as I am ignoring my health and my hygiene, as I hadn't brushed my teeth in days due to constant running around, no change of clothes, and just letting my mental health go to hell.
I know a lot of this is on me, so I am trying to pull myself back together even when I loose everything again, I got comics and games to make and that's what keeping me going.
Thanks for letting me ramble.

Posted at 7:05AM, May. 13, 2023

I wanted to say this a while ago…..
Because I read your previous posts months ago.

Your mom is a toxic trainwreck. Live on your own.

That's my advice. Take it or leave it.

Posted at 5:05PM, May. 13, 2023

Happy Belated Birthday, Furwerk studio.

Do you remember the type of pastry item ordered from McDonald's?

Also, good answer with the, "yeah, that's the plan, I want to be on my own" response.

Posted at 6:05AM, May. 14, 2023

kawaiidaigakusei wrote:
Happy Belated Birthday, Furwerk studio.

Do you remember the type of pastry item ordered from McDonald's?

Also, good answer with the, "yeah, that's the plan, I want to be on my own" response.

Thank you.
It was an apple fritter, so I was happy with that.
I am in knots worried about keeping what little I got safe, feeling heavy guilt and gold old fashioned greedy hoping for a place to stay if her lawsuits pay off, and I can save for my own home.

Posted at 11:05AM, May. 14, 2023

It sounds like it's time for you to live your life on your own terms. I've survived an abusive childhood and casual housing instability. THINGS CAN GET BETTER. Maybe I'm projecting here, but you need support! Not mentally ill toxic people ruining your birthday, and I've been there too…

Posted at 7:05AM, May. 15, 2023

Thank you everyone for the encouragement.

Right now mom had landed both of us into some real trouble pissing off a task force at the airport, and instead of going somewhere until the heat dies down or we get a home she is just sitting here, letting our batteries run down, bumping up the chance of getting caught by these people and sent to jail or the shelter.
Don't know why really, but I feel like I have to go with everything because I just don't know what else to do.

I feel childish for wanting to scream I want to go back downtown to do what I want, like spend time drawing a game or comic to get pocket change while looking for a job.

Hell yesterday I had to ask a friend for a commission to get bus pass money because she blew all of the money her boyfriend sent on not just food (understandable) but fancy paper plates and cups (not understandable), but I wouldn't argue because I just couldn't handle the conflict.

I honestly wish I had the will to break away, but I wonder if it is truly the right thing to do or am I just exaggerating the bad at times?

Posted at 1:05AM, May. 16, 2023

That is lovely—-“Here is some money for food”, (*uses it to buy pretty paper-ware for food instead of food*). -_-;

I missed the part where you went to Denny’s on your birthday, smart move when you want to be treated to breakfast. It is too bad the visit was met with rudeness on your birthday. Definitely did a Denny’s birthday before—-they take down your ID information before you get the free grand slam.

Posted at 3:05AM, May. 16, 2023

kawaiidaigakusei wrote:
That is lovely—-“Here is some money for food”, (*uses it to buy pretty paper-ware for food instead of food*). -_-;

I missed the part where you went to Denny’s on your birthday, smart move when you want to be treated to breakfast. It is too bad the visit was met with rudeness on your birthday. Definitely did a Denny’s birthday before—-they take down your ID information before you get the free grand slam.

What was weird is that Denny's didn't want my id but a coupon, and after I got that coupon they wouldn't let me take it out (I wanted to share it with mom), and from ehat I seen they love to rush guest out.