Grymm Ramblings

Grymm Answers Questions!

Posted at 12:07AM, Jul. 10, 2007

Occasionally people come along and, Chaos bless 'em, they ask those questions that need answering. So in an attempt to spread knowledge, populate this forum with something, and offer additional amusement along side the comics, I present the official, "Grymm Answers Questions thread! Feel free to email questions at thebadgergrymm AT gmail DOT com. I will not only reply to you, but I will post your magnificent question with my marvelous answers here in this thread!

Now let's kick things off with some questions sent to me by one that identifies himself as The Wandering Poet:

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A few questions from the Wandering Poet:

"oh great and all knowing grymm

3 questions

1. katy wants to know why her brother dan , is a lala weiner.

2. why do you spell your name grymm… why not Grim.. or grym… why to Ms?

3. i broke up with my gf and i'm not happy about it… but occular blood spray did not work in making her understanding and empathetic… so what race or breed of creature was she… ????

b24. why am i asking this question.?"

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The answers of Grymm:

Ah, during times like these I recall training via astral projection with the LCD-infested, telepathic hyper-shamans and their battle-mage consorts. They taught me a variety of things including how to make an excellent roast beef on a grill rotisserie and how to answer some of the secrets that plague minds everywhere.

But… onward with the questions.

1. Well, unfortunately no one can not help being a "Lala Weiner" or as the original Gaelic dialect had it "Cha'ris Arcturnum" Now no one is too sure what the phrase really means. But hopefully in time, the Lala Weiners themselves will shed light on the mystery.

2. Alas, the spelling of my name is not as simple as it may seem. You see my name is, in all actuality, a five letter runic combination that when said in just the right way with the other 46 letters of the alphabet, that the higher powers try to keep hidden from people, will unlock either utopia on Earth or complete system breakdown allowing for a new reality to emerge from the Chaos.

3. She was in fact a Thresyarian. A nigh extinct race of cave dwellers that migrated the interstellar pathways to settle on Earth some 6,500-ish years ago. They are emotionally moved by only two things: deep sea sponges and fruitcake. No one knows why, but fruitcake seems to have a violent effect on their psyches.

b24: You're asking this question because you are obviously a child of Chaos in some form. And Chaos loves to question, especially if the questions keep the corrupt Order of the Void on its toes.

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Remember, keep sending me your questions, and I'll keep abusing the secret powers given to me by hyper-LCD shamans to give you peace of mind!

-Grymm
(thebadgergrymm AT gmail DOT com

Posted at 2:07AM, Jul. 10, 2007

A question from Agape

ooh ooh,

if a blind man enters a city of the blind for the first time,

who does he ask to help him pee?

Meriadoc:)

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Answer from Grymm!

He does what any blind traveler would do! He would realize with his heightened other senses that he's entered a city of the blind. He would rejoice for having found a city so dense with his own kind. His useless eyeholes would well up with sweet, sweet tears.

And as those tears fell he would utter the secret phrases known only by the blind that have truly obtained a state of unseeing and call forth Asmerternoth, Dread Lord of the Cock! And as bound to do so by the Mega Action Blind Super Unseeing Squad Team Force centuries ago, Asmerternoth would lead the man to the nearest public restroom!

"Oh come on now Grymm", you might say. "Why would demon allow itself to get bound into such a thing?" Well, let's just say that the infernal dukes of the Hellscape make some really stupid decisions when you get them drunk enough. Poor Asmerternoth… Gormagoha warned you about drinking games against flesy human creatures. But did you listen?
Noooo…

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Keep them questions comin' folks and I'll keep dishin' out the answers!

Posted at 1:07AM, Jul. 11, 2007

These questions come from those of the Church of Grothia.

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We the priests of the church of grothia do seek knowledge concearning our gods and yours.

1. what comes after thrice

2. when will squirells finally take over the world… first our yard… then the house.. then the whole monestary… is the world next?

3. did moses cross the red sea… or the sea of reeds… which was it… our heads explode listening to translators argue these points.

4. being affiliated with the voodoo walrus… does this create you… a man… who is… *ahem* well endowed… and if so… will me joining any order afilliated with the voodoo wlarus .. infact make me further endowed. i mean.. its already like babies arm holding an appple… but .. i'd like it to be an elephants trunk holding a watermelon… and i don't want to take pills.

5. if harry truman got the nobel prize for peace in the middle east… why can't i get the prize.. for solving world hunger lol.

6. do you know the muffin man??? the muffin man??? the muffin man??? (stated not sung)

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Grymm responds:

1. Some will argue until you're blue in the face (from them being so angry that they literally strangle you) that after thrice the term is "four times". Grymm however tells you that the proper term after thrice is frice and after that is fifce. But after that its takes an astro-physicist to do some equations to figure out what's appropriate dependent on the context.

2. Squirrels have already taken over. But as we consider ants nothing more than a fact of life, so do the squirrels think of us. For we cannot fathom what is important to a squirrel and thus we do not realize they already control all that it important to them. We got off lucky. This time.

3. Actually both theories are incorrect. Moses actually flew. Everywhere. He was also the first and only mortal man to develop laser vision. Shortly thereafter he accidentally incinerated his own optic nerves.

4. I would not know as those that are already affiliated with the Voodoo Walrus already sport amazing endowments be they of the male or female persuasion! But hey, couldn't hurt!

5. Because America no longer celebrates outmoded concepts such as peace and will thus kill you to keep good things from happening. They'd kill you long before you managed to fill the belly of even one desperately starving person. George W. himself would appear as if from thin air, force your mouth open, and basically spit chunks of pretzels into your throat until you exploded in an impossible blast of meat and fluids and died painfully.

6. The muffin man killed my mother and raped my father. I did not know the muffin in a truly deep sense. But the bullet from my semi-automatic .45 Glock got to know the muffin man's face very, very well.

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Grymm must now enter a state of unconsciousness in which he will experience rapid ocular movement, crazed and nonsensical brain delusions and quite possibly begin to utter terrible nasally and throaty sounds from his noise making head holes. But while he does that… send more questions!