Welcome back, friends! Today we're gonna talk about deadlines!
When I took over this here Friday blog from my (much more capable) predecessor, I asked Oz, I says, “Oz- I can write whatever I want to, huh?” And he may or may not have actually greenlighted that but if I spent my life waiting for folks to greenlight my bad ideas before acting on ‘em I’d probably have a real person job, stable finances, and a few less close calls with death. BOOOOORING, right?!
Anyhow I got a couple big deadlines breathin' down my neck at the moment, so I thought I'd share my expertise with y'all and put together a handy guide for coping with time management! You're welcome!
STEP ONE: PROCRASTINATION
Ah, y'all don't need help with this one, right? It's easy! Just don't do the thing ya said you were gonna do! Keep not doing it! That's right! It's all good! You got plenty of time…
UNTIL YOU DON'T.
STEP TWO: GET TO WORK!
Aight so the realization that your deadline is now measured in a tangible quantity of chronological units has been visited upon ya, dig? Maybe it's slowly creeps over you like a fungus, or suddenly overtakes and swallows you like a wave, or maybe it hits you hard upside the head like a fuckin' brick and actually knocks you out for a couple days. No matter, you know what to do! Now's when the magic happens! You've stewed over the task ahead of you and are now prepared to-
HAHAHA JUST KIDDING.
STEP THREE: BRAINSTORMING
Ya got nothin', ain't that right? Hell, it's okay. There's still enough time. I'm sure if ya apply yourself, you'll come up with something.
STEP FOUR: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
Okay so ya still got nothin', and you no longer have enough time. What now, asshole? What else? Just do it. Just frantically and fitfully bring forth some fucking thing to meet that deadline. It might be a school term paper that reads more like a James Joyce novel. It might be an essay about how your most meaningful life event is that you actually have no meaningful life events. It might be a cartoon about how you have no good ideas for cartoons. It might just be drawings of dicks. Just bullshit and half-ass and destroy your sanity, sleep schedule, and credibility and meet that goddamn deadline like the unbeatable warrior you are!
HyenaHell at 12:36AM, April 28, 2017
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