The Pangs Of Choice

Today, I can't write about anything but something slightly personal. Without Moonlight only has two chapters to finish. It's incredible (and it'll still take time even with my regular updates to get to the last page) and exciting, but it's also got me thinking about everything that took place in it, and is going to take place in it until the end.

It's the pangs of choice, really. It's not regret, because I don't regret the choices I have made in telling this story that is so close to my heart. But man… sometimes… sometimes how I wish I'd been a little more lenient to my own wishes.

It's been more than a year now since one of my favourite characters in WM died (spoiler?). I hated to do it at the time, but I knew in my heart that it was the right way to go, given the circumstances, the characters and the setup.

But last week it hit me so bad, this 'what if' that came to mind, about how smoothly, how easily things could have gone had this one character not died, how a good few things would turn out better for the rest of the cast and the domino effect in their lives wouldn't be so harsh. His absence is like a big gaping hole and I miss him and how efficient he'd be in nearly everything.

And yet, though I miss him so, though I really wish I'd kept him alive it feels correct that I allowed him to die, because that's what the story demanded, and that's how so many other things that wouldn't be pushed to their limits, now will be. It makes for a better story, it makes for a more realistic story as well, because often, that's the way we feel when people in our lives are gone forever.

In that way, perhaps, the story rings truer in other peoples' hearts as well. And in that same way, perhaps that one character's impact is even bigger than it would be had I given him plot armor and kept him going.

I don't have regrets, but I do get pangs of longing.

As it is now, I have to resort to writing and drawing about his past, which is something I've started to do for my patrons, and that gives me some solace. Maybe. Sometimes.

Have you ever felt this way about your characters? What did you do when it came to important decisions about them?

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