What you really, really want

This is gonna be yet another rambling kind of post and a long one at that–so be warned. In the recent month I’ve been doing some soul searching that ties into this personal Christmas shopping spree of sorts that I’ve had recently. To be more specific, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want, or to be even more specific and 90’s referential, what I really, really want. My story writing and comic creating has been (and still is) my main hobby that I’ve been utterly obsessed and helplessly in love with.

But in recent years I’ve had this creeping realization that as great as it is to have this activity that you can totally loose yourself to, it may not be very healthy in the long run to be this compulsively obsessed with it like I am. And I figure it is because of this underlying awareness that I’ve been watching other people’s hobbies and fandoms on Youtube for the longest time. I simply needed to find side hobbies that could help me detach myself a bit from the obsession I have for my comic creating and make me a more stabil and healthy human being in the process.

I also figure that maybe this is why I’ve been venting so emotionally on some of my recent articles (Those articles titles being “Deep and Profound?” and “Prententious?”). I simply didn’t know what I wanted out of media entertainment, or really what I wanted out of my own comics besides the fun of just making them. I figured that if I simply become more of a fan of things, it will produce a bit of a necessary detachment, but also a stronger focus, in my creative life. Stop thinking so much about WHY I make the stories that I do, and simply BE content making them, purpose, or no purpose or both. It could even lead to forming new, fulfilling real-life connections with other people, which is something I think I sorely need now after going through a rather mind-breaking Covid-pandemic isolation back in the year of our lord 2020.

So, how have I made this transition you ask? Well, for one example I’ve been watching a lot of Games Workshop related content on Youtube for the past four or five years or so. And I have as I’ve been watching found some of the Warhammer 40k stuff interesting, both in terms of lore, setting and the wargame itself. At least some of the Warhammer fandom seems like a really, really giddy lot. Watching the Warhammer 40k youtuber Baldemort getting giddy like a child going through different supplements and running his battle reports have been a super affectionate experience for me.

That said though, I absolutely despise Games Workshop as a company after what I’ve learned about them from GW fans all the same. Look, I understand that the concept of getting people hooked so that you can keep selling them supplements upon supplements is how companies in table top gaming makes their money go around and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. If people want to buy more, sell them more. But big, ol’ GW seems to push this concept to such an insanely, predatory degree that it just becomes gross and abusive to even think about. And from what I understand they don’t even seem to care that much about their own IP anymore, in terms of lore or gameplay, beyond the mere moneymaking aspect of it.

So, no Warhammer, or anything GW, for me. I’m not even gonna watch any YT content about it anymore. But that is how I somehow came across Neuroshima Hex, published by a Polish boardgame company called Portal Games. It’s a tactical boardgame that does play very similarly to a wargame I think, using beautifully, artistically rendered cardboard tiles instead of plastic miniatures. It’s a LOT smaller and far more minimalistic compared to Warhammer, and yet it is so convenient in size, price and accessibility, and so rich in its simplicity and its wild post-apocalyptic theme that it is absolutely perfect for me.

This in turn led me to discover the boardgame called Hive, a chess-like strategy game where the playing pieces becomes the board. This all led to me buying these boardgames along with their respective expansion materials. After that there’s been this snowball effect of me acquiring things to be a fan of. In video games I’ve recently ordered Dead or Alive 3, 4, 5 to be added to 1 & 2 - which I own through my DOA Ultimate edition (and I was even cheeky enough to order the DOA movie on DVD to go with it all^^) - and Galerians:Ash (Had a copy if it previously that I got rid of some time ago, now deciding to forgive it for its shortcomings as I do love its setting and storyline along with that of the first Galerians game).

As for comics, well, I’ve been reading Heavy Metal magazines over the years, but I’ve never found myself coming back to them enough to consider myself a fan, though certainly still an admirer. So, I figured “Well, the whole purpose of Heavy Metal all this time has been to bring attention to artists and stories that would have otherwise gone unnoticed, so maybe I should just pick those franchises within the magazine that I’m most fond of and take a wholesale plunge into them”. So now I’ve ordered all the five volumes of the Druuna: Serpieri Collection – the complete original series of Druuna - and the Nikopol Trilogy – all three stories in one complete volume.

Also I’m thinking about starting to collect the whole Beastars manga series, having bought, read and enjoyed the first volume so far. Also, in terms of movies I’ve discovered that I really enjoy old movies from the early to mid-1900’s - particularly within the crime, sci-fi and horror genre - so I’ve subscribed to a YT channel called Groovy Graveyard that specifically features these films, such as “I eat your skin” (1971), “Bucket of Blood” (1959) and “The Phantom from 10,000 leagues” (1955).

And so, to somewhat abruptly close this long, awkward article I think I’ll just end it with this. It’s not always easy to know what you really, really want or like – especially when you’ve become as picky as I’ve become these days. It can sometimes require a long, extensive search, both within and without, before you finally come to the point where you can rid yourself of the stuff that isn’t really all that relevant to you and fully and actively embrace what is. In that way I feel like I’ve rediscovered my true joy in things, which I think is one of the must fundamental things you can discover, both within your creative life and outside your creative life.


See ya’ around, ducks.