The Internet still feels like new technology to me. I got started on a Commodore VIC-20 with a 300bps modem calling local BBS's and paying by-the-minute fees to dial in to the big services like Quantum Link through a 1(800) number.
I haven't read the whole thread, but do I win? ;-)
Only if the commodore was steam-powered. And I'm not talking about the Valve app.