What would you do during a Drunk Duck Apocalypse (where they drink all your beer)?

Posted at 3:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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I guess you could call it an "apocalypse"… All of the alcoholic beverages in the world are disappearing. Why? Because a horde of green feathered ducks has descended on all the breweries and well… They're gorging themselves on the beer, increasing their numbers, then going out to drink more. Soon the entire world will be "dry" with no way for any human to get drunk. Even supposedly "impenetrable" bunkers full of alcohol aren't safe and neither are your sacred secret hiding places. Who would celebrate the total elimination of wine, beer, scotch, etc… from the world? How would you deal with the aftermath? What would you do to "defend" your stash of alcoholic beverages from these ravenous Drunk Ducks?

Yes… one of my sillier posts, but I was starting to think the forums were getting boring, so… :)

edit: great… suddenly I'm starting to think this would make a great First Person Shooter… or at least a parody of the Left 4 Dead series…

Posted at 3:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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What would you do to "defend" your stash of alcoholic beverages from these ravenous Drunk Ducks?

Drink 'em all in one hit and die of alcohol poisoning: in a world without booze, the living will envy the dead.

Posted at 3:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Build a home still and get a home beer brewing kit. An increasingly rare commodity would be a gold mine. I'd be like Joe Kennedy during Prohibition. I even have a bathtub to make gin. :)

Posted at 4:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Fill a bucket with piss and sell it as "Bravo's special beer" to Ironscarf just before he succumbs to his ills.
He'll be far too drunk to notice.
-Run off chortling, and then play the same trick on everyone else.

Further refine my ruse with some shoe-polish on my face for a fake Bravo beard, in case any of the drunks aren't too far gone yet…Don't want any reprisals.

Continue to chortle. ^_^


…What to do with my ill-gotten gains then?
…more chortling? :(

Posted at 4:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Oz, you're giving away the secret behind the wonderful flavor of my pilsner "American Beer". Any Irishman will tell you that they brew the products of Anheuser-Busch by getting a bunch of Irishmen drunk on Guinness to piss into the vat.

Posted at 5:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Oz, you're giving away the secret behind the wonderful flavor of my pilsner "American Beer". Any Irishman will tell you that they brew the products of Anheuser-Busch by getting a bunch of Irishmen drunk on Guinness to piss into the vat.

Joint business.
Now we chortle together!

…I'm keeping the shoe-polish beard.

Posted at 5:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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I thought all the alcoholic beverages were supposed to be disappearing in this scenario, but you two are brewing piss beer all over the place?
How does this differ from reality as we know it?

Posted at 6:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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The problem with this scenario is that anytime you HAVE any beer, a horde of Drunk Ducks will descend on it. So making any kind of beer is going to invite disaster for whoever's making it…

Posted at 6:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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The stuff I make just has a beer label… The secret is that it's not really beer. …:)

Unless drunk ducks are attracted to anything with a beer label on it?

In which case, Wylee Cyote plan A:
Purchase 15 megatons of TNT from ACME explosive division, place one giant beer label over it, very neatly… Then light fuse and wait behind a convenient rock outcropping. With eyes tightly shut and fingers jammed in ears.

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Find the nests. Smash the eggs. Better still, fry the eggs.
No more ducklings means no more ducks.
It shouldn't be too hard, the daft birds don't even nest in trees!

Hmmm … I wonder if that's because they're too drunk?

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Relabel containers of antifreeze as Heineken and go watch a few episodes of Gunsmoke until the matter sorts itself out. 9 out of 10 ducks can't tell the difference. And the 10th one?

Turn your tragedy into an opportunity.
Beer braised duck.

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Fill a bucket with piss and sell it

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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let em drink it all. i bet beer battered duck tastes amazing.

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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That's why we called it "pissed" when we're drunk. Or "She's on tha piss mate!"

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Also said here.

Posted at 8:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Also said here.

Ireland and Australia: two great countries!

…Unless you're in Northern Ireland… then it's UK and Australia I suppose?

Posted at 9:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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I consider it country wise. Since its all one land mass.
The north is no different from the south apart from the conflict and the accent. But alcohol wise its all the same.

Steamboating is also a popular term to describe the act of being inebriated.

Along with:
Rubbered
Bolloxed
Hammered
Monkeyed
Blitzed
Pissed
Pole-axed
Stocious
Steamin'
Blocked
Spastic
Full
Half-cut/Cut
Blootered
Plastered
Rat-arsed
Parallel
Fucked
Mangled

I think thats most of them.

EDIT: Dont ask for an explanation.

Posted at 9:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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I think thats most of them.

We like to get 'shit-faced' here on the mainland too, whereas my dad gets 'three parts wallaced'.

Posted at 9:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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A lot of people from my town say "going out on the raz"
I don't know what exactly the raz is but when they come back they don't seem like
it was that enjoyable.

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Stonkered…

Rooted.
-root means f**k… so the variations have the same meanings and alternate meanings:
Rooted: could be extremely drunk, very tried, damaged beyond repair…

Posted at 11:06AM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Nothing to do with ducks but, since the thread seems to have left that behind long ago, one of my favourite terms is "bladdered".

It's so … descriptive!

Posted at 12:06PM, Jun. 28, 2010

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Stonkered…

Rooted.
-root means f**k… so the variations have the same meanings and alternate meanings:
Rooted: could be extremely drunk, very tried, damaged beyond repair…

In northern ireland root means erect. If I was to say that in a pub, I'd get odd looks.

Posted at 2:06PM, Jun. 28, 2010

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What are the similarities between American Beer and having sex on a canoe?

[spoiler=The answer will surprise you!]Fucking close to water.[/spoiler]

If we can stay dry for couple of months, the ducks will surely die out of malnutrition. Everyone knows that Drunk Ducks can't survive without at least .05% BAC(Blood Alcohol Content).

Posted at 2:06PM, Jun. 28, 2010

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I would avoid the alcoholic relatives who go through withdrawel, and be glad that (for once) everyone on the highway was sober…unless the ducks got a hold of a vehicle, in which case we'd be in even more trouble….

I must be really mundane, I just use the term 'drunk'. Not that sauced, hammered, pissed, etc all aren't very colorful…drunk just seems to work the best in describing someone, in my opinion.

Posted at 4:06AM, Jun. 29, 2010

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SO if everytime I make a new batch all these ducks show up to drink it? I'll set up a toll gate and make them use exact change. Drunk ducks aren't very good with coins. If Looney Tunes gags won't work, Mel Brooks schtick will.

They're also not very good at avoiding anti-aircraft fire and negotiating minefields.