Thread "Loss of vital equipment, loss of progress and a huge update. (Last vent of this kind, I hope)" in forum "Comic Talk and General Discussion *"

Posted at 6:06AM, Jun. 3, 2023

At the time of writing this, I am feeling very sick because I had a huge shift in my life.
My mom decided she wants to "be alone" and, I can't say threw me out of the house because we are both homeless but the sentiment is the same.
It started because she had completely taken over using my computer for purely tv watching, because I was trying to be nice and just keep the peace. It has been a month since I did that and lost any kind of progress on my art career, comics, art, sketches, tiktok, all completely ceased because she demanded to watch Married with children on pluto, over, and over, and I complied to be nice and to keep the peace. Soon she got herself a 7 day trail of Fubo with my debit card, which is attached to a bank we ise to share that is deeply in the negative due to her loans and started watching the local news and Two and a half men, she won't let me watch any anime or even let me listen to videos or music because she demanded attention and got mad at me for "not listening" with my earbuds in.
This wouldn't be a problem for one thing, my laptop's power supply was breaking down quickly.
I would had to go through this ritual to get it to work right, at first it was very upsetting because I couldn't replace my computer in any capacity, it was the only thing keeping us a float through five months of homelessness, got us food and cat litter while running around the airport, hell, even paid for a hotel night at the start of everything. I honestly was hoping to do enough commissions to eventually replace it with a cheap Acer to hold me over.
But over time with not being allowed to us my stuff with having to deal with a fight I found a work around for now, pencil, paper and my broken screened phone.
So, this morning I was getting ready to go yo this homeless event she is so desperate to get to, packing up the laptop in a bag to protect it from the rain when she demanded I take it out and watch the news. She has a phone, she watched news on it before but wanted my computer because she doesn't want "tiny screen", which started off the fight, I was messing with the power supply which I finally given up the ghost which she was constantly going, "don't get upset", which was making me upset and finally I try to say it wasn't working but she got mad at me which I just slam the laptop shut, few minutes later she announced she was not going anywhere and we are done.
I got pissed at her attitude and told her a few ugly truths, like I didn't want the cat she forced me to take care of, she is a good cat but she isn't my cat. I should had handled it better, no excuses.
That's where I was. Just sitting here kind of scared of what is going to happen hoping to make up, because I feel horrible for this. Scared too, and hoping to make up.
She took the cat, we argued more with her telling me to go into the shelter or fake an addiction to get into a rehab place, she'll leave my phone on and to call her once a week but at that point I just was thinking, I need out!
Or rather thinking I was preparing for this, working on getting a job, looking into dirt cheap and sketchy apartments or no tell hotel with monthly rates.
I worry if I am capable of taking care of myself, I also remember being the yahoo who managed dad's social security income for bills, his cigarettes and food plus scheduling rides, VA appointments and getting him washed up, dressed and out the door. I was the yutz that would mop up my step father's puke and piss off the floor, gone get his booze and all while working on getting my ged with a class of clowns that wee there to keep their state checks coming. I did several jobs and lost them because I was very worried my mom was having epileptic seizures after my uncle died from one, and scraping up money doing commissions that made me sick to cover the pill shee needed plus huge bags of cat litter for the three cats she took in. And saving her house by making a deal for some crap property I inherited from dad, because the taxes were due and in Missouri if you are even a day late anyone could swoop in and take it. I got my own job twice in Phoenix, got her a job too.
Just a second ago I ran into mom, and me and her's calm down but I know the damage had been done and she suggest I check into a mental hospital.
Sorry, but I am losing a lot of steam to ramble.
I am just at a huge loss, and got no idea where else to turn and figure might as well vent here. Hopefully this will be the last of these kind of posts from me and I get back to making about comics.
Original post idea was to talk about being forced to change art styles do to lose of equipment, and I was only got to touch on my current problem but that fight happened.

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 3, 2023

I understand the frustration, although it never has gotten quite to your level. Over the past year, my mom has become absolutely addicted to and obsessed with K-dramas, she practically streams them 24-7 . . . but, what she didn't quite understand is that unlike cable or regular TV in general, streaming comes from the internet, and as such, our internet usage has been spiking so much in recent months that we would end up popping out data usage cap (and then she would tell me to stop using the internet, since I use it in the more traditional sense online, what with YouTube and DD and what have you). She has since opted to pay the additional $11 per month for unlimited data usage, but still, I don't think she still quite understands that everytime she streams one of her K-dramas, she's using up our internet. Thankfully, she's otherwise not very tech savvy at all (I mean, she is 70) - she's even afraid to get onto my computer because one time several years ago, she somehow prompted the BSOD, over which I flipped out; she otherwise just scrolls through her phone on Facebook, and that's about it.

Posted at 10:06PM, Jun. 3, 2023

Sorry dude, I've read a few of your posts and I don't like your mom.

Your mother sounds like a horribly selfish person. She actually told you to fake an addiction to get into rehab or to check into a mental hospital! Sounds like she's the one that needs to go to one of those places.

from what you've written, you've done enough for her. She is going to continue to ruin your life. Cut her off and don't let her sabotage your success. After you get stable maybe you can give her a little money every month if you can afford it but if she lives with you you will 100% end up homeless again.

This is your chance to escape.

Posted at 11:06PM, Jun. 3, 2023

Look, obviously it can take years of therapy to deal with these things, so my few lines won't do shit here. But I don't think you see yourself as a survivor. I think you see yourself as a victim of having to do this and do that and take this and take that, because for whatever reason you believe you'd fail as a son or as a human being if you wouldn't fix this. If you'd leave the ship. And it's easier to see it that way, that things are happening to you and you're somehow powerless against them. Maybe you want her to change and you want to be a driving force behind that change, but I guarantee you, it's definitely not what you need, just like you changing wouldn't fix her issues and wouldn't make her happier. It'd just wreck you, because it wouldn't come from you. I know, it's a tragedy of life, but we can't fix other people's lives for them and being a good enough son for others is sometimes just. not. possible. That doesn't mean you have to cut all contact once and for all and pretend she doesn't exist, but it does mean that if you want something to change for the better, the things you want her to consider: your mental health, your creative pursuits, your financial struggles, etc… you have to consider them more. And you have to make them matter to YOU more.

Posted at 4:06AM, Jun. 4, 2023

The cycle will continue and continue and possibly even get worse until someone makes a break in the codependency. You have to leave this toxic relationship and make a complete break or it will just continue. Without a complete break you will only get drawn back in again.

There's a whole lot of lying and intentional hurting with guilt trips and just plain emotional and physical abuse. You don't owe your biological parent a thing if this is who they are and this is what they do to you.

But you need a way out and probably help from people who dare to give you assistance. But you must make a complete break or the cycle continues. Seen it. Made a couple of my own escapes.

That's my say, take it for what you will. You're smart and talented and know there are ways out but it's up to you to reclaim your life.

That's enough out of me. I'm sitting here just typing wracking my brain for some way to extend a real helping hand as opposed to so many letters on a screen but my hands are tied. Anybody have ideas what we could do as to offering empty advice, empathy and platitudes?

Posted at 10:06AM, Jun. 5, 2023

You just described the bulk of my marriage. I got her a laptop and she spent the next 5 years on Facebook searching for a new boyfriend, while also dominating the TV to watch Jersey Shore, and living off my paycheck while doing absolutely nothing for herself. Seriously she screamed at me for hours blaming me because she couldn't put food in her mouth and chew without involving me. I could go on…

Suffice it to say that, while your relationship with your Mom is sad, it does not change the fact that it is very unhealthy. You really do not have the expertise or resources to take care of someone like that. I am glad that you two are separated, and you should be more successful now that you are on your own. It is much easier to find a couch to crash on without the extra baggage.

Where you able to keep the computer?

Posted at 12:06PM, Jun. 6, 2023

Furwerk studio, Cheers to a brighter future—-

I have read your comic. I believe in your abilities.

Posted at 6:06PM, Jun. 6, 2023

Just an update and a response.
kawaiidaigakusei: Thanks, I will do my best in the future to improve.
To be honest Nakamura Rex is my "one thousand bad pages" I am working on to learn tricks and techniques to do better for other comic projects in the future.
Sleeping_Gorilla: I got it in storage right now so it is safe despite needing a new power supply.
I feel very drained from all of this and very happy her boyfriend is slowly taking over as role as "caretaker", lessening the guilt I feel each time I want to start to break away.
Kind of a darkly funny thing is after preaching at me and yelling about I am 40 and must take care of myself, the second I gone on my own I was thinking of ways to go to a new city safely, how to realistically wash up for jobs until I can get some kind of shelter crossed my mind. She fell apart trying to lug the cat and her litterbox in the shall carrier around her shoulder like I did all the time for the last few months.
bravo1102: Thank you for the kind words, they do help. Sadly like an idiot I let her back into my life after running into her at the soup kitchen and she gone on about how I don't even know but she worm her way, she is mad that I am fighting back more and more and even told me she wanted to be institutionalized in a hospital because of my "anxiety". I just shrug, feel a lot of guilt for not helping out but started to pull away more like actually getting a job interview on my own, which I got cleaned up and attend, look into dirt cheap apartments and roach motels after a few paychecks and even filed for food stamps to survive and pull my way out soon.
InkyMoondrop: It feels hard to break the chain, I am working on it slowly.
I think perhaps I like to do some comics to just get a lot of these frustrating stuff out in an entertaining way.

Posted at 6:06PM, Jun. 7, 2023

You're pretty superhuman to survive all that. It takes a lot of fortitude to not only keep going but also keep organising to get jobs and accommodation and stuff in that situation.