Thread "Corrupt-a-wish" in forum "MAFIA... and other forum games"

Posted at 3:08PM, Aug. 20, 2010

I wish Salsa would remember to post a wish of his own next time.

Posted at 1:08PM, Aug. 25, 2010

Granted, but it takes weeks for anyone to get around to corrupting it.

I wish Cheeze Wiz could be used as an alternative fuel source.

Posted at 7:08PM, Aug. 27, 2010

Granted. Unfortunately it causes a new world-wide environmental disaster known as Global Cheesing.

I wish to be amazingly skilled at everything.

Posted at 7:08PM, Aug. 27, 2010

Granted. Unfortunately, this includes being amazingly skilled at sucking at everything.

I wish I had a new bookcase.

Posted at 3:08PM, Aug. 28, 2010

Granted, but it's made entirely out of old bologna… and it got pretty warm while being delivered to your house, so you may wanna put some air fresheners around it.

I wish every public library in America had a section devoted to biographies of Abe Vigoda.

Posted at 7:08PM, Aug. 28, 2010

Granted. That new section is called 'the lonely volume sitting on the back of the toilets.' I wish I could go back in time to Nazi Germany, marry Hitler, and change him into a good man.

Posted at 11:08PM, Aug. 28, 2010

Granted. However, you alter history in unforeseeable ways so that Hitler is successfully assassinated during Operation Valkyrie. As the countries under the Third Reich fall into disarray from lack of leadership, the Soviet Union, sensing the power vacuum, moves in and takes over the entire European continent. Once the U.S. defeats Japan, they realize that they are the sole country now standing against global communism. After an extended conflict, the Soviets finally invade U.S. soil and completely wipe out our military power. Now unopposed, they set up a global communist dictatorship for the next 5000 years, after which point rebels guerrillas storm the Kremlin. In the confusion of battle, someone accidentally activates the global launch code for all of Russia's nukes, thereby obliterating the world and the human race. The immense radiation from the warheads soon kills off all remaining life, and ensures that no living thing will ever walk the world again.

I wish the 80+ people at the party in the apartment next door would hurry up and go home. Or at least turn off the damn stereo speakers (it's past 1:00 a.m. here and my roommate's about ready to call the cops on them!)

Posted at 6:09AM, Sep. 1, 2010

Granted, but now all of them will start coming to your house unannounced.

I wish for a ray of destruction and a giant robot!

Posted at 8:09AM, Sep. 1, 2010

Granted. The ray destroyed the robot and left lots of metal crap around.

I wish cooking didn't take time

Posted at 8:09PM, Sep. 1, 2010

Granted. Enjoy your salmonella.

Wait, I got a better one…

Granted. You stick a hot pocket in a microwave, which shorts out, causing the microwave-emitter to go critical and explode, blowing up your house and killing you and poisoning the rest of your neighborhood with radioactive fallout.

I wish I could go back in time and meet H.P. Lovecraft.

Posted at 12:09PM, Sep. 7, 2010

Granted. You meet him in his early life. Your knowledge of the future is so vast that he becomes convinced that you are God. Instead of writing he opts to create the First Church of Dave7. In the present day his fanatical followers hunt you down and burn you as a heretic for using God's name as your own, thus creating the paradox in which you never return to the past to meet Lovecraft in the first place. All life is destroyed as the universe explodes.

I wish I had a pet rock.

Posted at 9:09PM, Sep. 7, 2010

Granted. But then one day, you come home from a hard day of work and, happy to see you, your pet rock runs up to you and tries to jump into your arms, but misses and beams you in the head instead, knocking you into a coma.

(BTW, Wordweaver, H.P. Lovecraft was a devout atheist, so I think I would be more like a servant of Cthulhu to him, at best :-p )

I wish I was finished with this homework assignment.

Posted at 11:09PM, Sep. 7, 2010

Granted. But then a bird flies through a window and steals the homework so you have to start over.

I wish I had more motivation.

Posted at 7:09PM, Sep. 9, 2010

Granted. You now have so much motivation that you feel invincible and try to break down a brick wall with your head for money.

…..Needless to say it doesn't work so well.

I wish my main comic could somehow win a DD award some day despite my main comic not even being on DD.

Posted at 10:09PM, Sep. 9, 2010

Granted. You win one during the 2011 DD awards, but this pisses-off a whole horde of angry DD members, who manage to get a hold of your home address and then proceed to fire-bomb your house with you inside.

I wish I had more time to read my old H.P. Lovecraft first editions (got 'em for a steal on e-bay).

Posted at 9:09AM, Sep. 11, 2010

I wish I had more time to read my old H.P. Lovecraft first editions (got 'em for a steal on e-bay).

You fall down some stairs and become a quadriplegic. …now you have alllll the time in the world.

I wish I wasn't so handsome, sexy and loved by all.

Posted at 12:09AM, Sep. 12, 2010

Granted. You are now Dane Cook.

I wish my car door war fixed.

Posted at 12:09AM, Sep. 12, 2010

Granted. The war between the driver's side door and passenger side door has come to an end. They get along so well that they take a vacation in the Bahamas together. While away you get t-boned by an SUV, get ejected from your car and die.

(BTW: I should cyberslap you for not getting the Lovecraft joke)

I wish I had the ability to cyberslap.

Posted at 12:09PM, Sep. 15, 2010

Granted, but it's a complicated, painful profess that really causes YOU more pain than the victim.

I wish the next Mega Man game based all its bad guys on human organs (like Spleen Man or Pancreas Man)

Posted at 3:09PM, Sep. 15, 2010

Granted, but the battles against Penis Man, Vagina Man, and Mammary Man get the game banned in your country.

I wish I was as handsome, sexy and loved by all as ozoneocean.

Posted at 9:09PM, Sep. 15, 2010

Granted. You are now an Ozoneocean mimic. However, one day you run into the real Ozoneocean and the two of you engage in an epic battle, because THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!! The chaos and collateral damage from the fight destroys not only DD, but the entire internet as well.

I wish it was Friday.