It had been rainy for like the past 2 weeks, so when I walked into the high scohol i wiped my feet, like I normally would. Once I got to my locker I talked to my friend, who followed me to my locker. He left, and I just remembered something I had to tell him. He had just turned the corner, so I started to run and fell right at the corner. I mean, like a hilarious banana peel fall. Anyways, my friend laughed and everyone stared at me. And then my friend helped me up and tried to push me back over. I kicked him in the crotch.
Oh, and I forged a lovenote from my friend to my other friend. So she was writing a response, and gave it to my 3rd friend to give to my friend. He started reading it out loud, because he is the essence of fail, and the teacher took it and read it in front of the whole class.
Start publishing on
DD Comics!
Advertise with us
Comic Talk and General Discussion *
Funny things.
It had been rainy for like the past 2 weeksThat reminds me of two things:
1. When I was on a sail training ship for a couple of weeks… One night I was on kitchen duty, taking stuff too and from people's tables during dinner. This was a sailing ship so it didn't go straight through the sea nice and even like modern one- instead we were on a list of about 20 degrees or something to one side, and that would increase and decrease as we bounced over the sea swell. So the ship rocked around a lot.
Well, my sailing shoes had smooth flat soles, and the green vinyl flooring was damp… So as I walked too and from the galley I slipped and slid and skated all over the place like I was on ice or something, balancing all the stuff in my hands at the same time. It was HARD and fricken dangerous…
But the ship's master, first mate, bosun's mate and all the rest the watches that were eating at the time were sitting around laughing uproariously at me. It was fun at first… but pretty embarrassing too.
2. At school early in the morning one day, we'd all come in to sit at our desks to start the first lesson when I realised something smelt REALLY bad… I checked my shoes and saw I'd stepped in dogshit. Not only that, but there was a trail of shitty footprints leading right to me! The other kids were milling around ready to sit down and they were just starting to notice the smell…
So thinking quickly, I walked over to someone else's desk and wiped my shoes off under his chair, then I went off to sit behind my own desk. :)
…When we were all sat down EVERYBODY could smell it and see the shitty trail leading to the poor kid's desk. The teacher was horrified because it was a new carpet! The poor guy got into a bit of trouble and I was just sitting there, quiet as a mouse, trying not to giggle and thankful I'd dodged the dogpoo bullet. Pheeeewwww…
lmao. look at this funny craigslist ad.
http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/m4w/1030668994.html
Here's my list. You better meet EVERY SINGLE DEMAND because I am too close minded to open myself up to new possibilities. I mean, if I can build a robot that fits all these requirements, I'd pretty much shun the whole of humanity, but since technology hasn't advance quite far enough to make realistic squishy boobies, I guess I'm stuck with this.
1) You have to be hot. I mean super hot. I can't emphasize this enough. I'm not dating no oggoes or fatties. Think Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson kind of hot.
2) You have to always look your best. And it should take you 5 minutes to get ready, no more. You are allowed to use less time if you wish.
3) You have to be white. I only date whities. Everyone else is ickie, and I say that considering I'm one of em dirty Middle Eastern terrorists.
4) You have to do the dishes, clean, do my laundry, cook and clean up my cat's litter box all while wearing sexy lingerie.
5) You need to be rich. I ain't paying for shit. Heck, YOU should buy me shit.
6) You need to be a geek. By that, I mean smart, know yourself around the internet, won't look at me funny when I mention Caturday, and can hold your own in Halo or Super Smash Bros.
7) You have to be shorter than me. Because anyone dating outside the social norm of the girl being shorter than the guy makes Baby Jesus cry.
9) You need a car. Because I'm too damn lazy to walk everywhere, and I sure as hell ain't taking the TTC to visit your worthless ass like all the common folk.
10) You need to have the ability to count, because clearly I can't.
11) You need to be great in the sack, that one should be self-evident.
12) Preferably, you have a hot friend that may wish to join us every once in a while.
13) You shouldn't be an uptight bitch who only sees Indie films. You should be able to enjoy anything from Die Hard to Wedding Crasher's to Pan's Labyrinth.
14) Ditto for music. Though if you listen to Britney Spears for any other purpose than drooling over her music videos back when she wasn't an androgynous mess, I will mock you.
15) You need to be funny without relying on your looks. You need to be able to hold an intelligent conversation without saying "like" every other word.
16) You need to be able to shutup when told.
17) While I may feel like cuddling from time to time after sex, you will shut your trap and cuddle with my cat/pillow if I wanna get up and get back to playing videogames.
18) If you want to talk about your feelings and emotions, you should have a gay friend handy.
19) You have the ability to detect extreme amounts of sarcasm.
20) I can't think of a 20, but I felt like I should have a nice, even number. Yep, even with the missing 8.
You remember that scene from Anchorman, where Ron Burgundy comes home to his wife cooking in the nude, refusing eye contact with his kids, making whoopie and then going out drinking with the boys? Use that as a start, and build up from there. If you ever have any questions, remember, it's all about ME, not you.
A few years ago, back in College (I think that's about high school level for Americans, but I'm not sure), I was behind on some photography crap and it was due in the next day. So, being the genius that I was (and still am), I decided stay over night to get it done.
Let me explain how this is set up: to use the dark room, we had to go and get the key from the front desk, and it had to be returned by nine. The security guys would also check the rooms at that time to make sure nobody was still in there.
So when my time was almost up, I flicked off the lights, hid under a table, and hoped they wouldn't check there. They just turned the light on, looked around, and left. So I got up and started working.
When the morning came, I went to unlock the door, only to find that I was without a key. I must have left it on the table or something, and they'd taken it with them when they left.
The police found me in there about two and a half days later. It's a small class and the room is very out of the way, which is why it took so long.
List of idiocy.
Normally, I'd be willing to bet that it's a troll. But this is craigslist we're talking about.
Advertise with us
DDComics is community owned.
The following patrons help keep the lights on. You can support DDComics on Patreon.
- Banes
- JustNoPoint
- RMccool
- Abt_Nihil
- Gunwallace
- cresc
- PaulEberhardt
- Emma_Clare
- FunctionCreep
- SinJinsoku
- Smkinoshita
- jerrie
- Chickfighter
- Andreas_Helixfinger
- Tantz_Aerine
- Genejoke
- Davey Do
- Gullas
- Roma
- NanoCritters
- Teh Andeh
- Peipei
- Digital_Genesis
- Hushicho
- Palouka
- Cheeko
- Paneltastic
- L.C.Stein
- Zombienomicon
- Dpat57
- Bravo1102
- TheJagged
- LoliGen
- OrcGirl
- Fallopiancrusader
- Arborcides
- ChipperChartreuse
- Mogtrost
- InkyMoondrop
- jgib99
- Call me tom
- OrGiveMeDeath_Ind
- Mks_monsters
- GregJ
- HawkandFloAdventures
- Soushiyo