One of my nieces has a problem. She's got a guy who she likes a lot. And the feeling between them is mutual. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Well…
There's this other guy who keeps pushing her prospective boyfriend around to try and keep him away from her and keeps convincing my niece that he's the ONLY man for her. How do you girls think a middle school girl should handle this kind of situation? While I don't like to intervene if this keeps up I may just have to. >:-(
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Comic Talk and General Discussion *
How do you girls deal with guys who try to be "possessive"?
Actually, my comment was going to be "punch him" too ^.^ But on a more serious note, I have an extremely hard time dealing with confrontation (hence why I go out of my way to avoid it in most cases). It takes a lot of courage and confidence to state clearly and firmly, "I'm not interested. Leave me alone."
In this particular case, I would coach her on being assertive and help her come up with a solid thing to say to the persistant fellow. Example: "You're making me uncomfortable. Please stop."
If that doesn't work, repeat the same phrase but add a consequence. Then follow through if the second warning doesn't work. In her case, as she's in junior high, the appropriate course of action would be for her to report the issue to a teacher or counselor. No one will actually want to do this, though. ^.~ That means, as a guardian, you might have to take it into your own hands to contact the school with the dilemma if it continues unabated.
/my two cents
I'll have to admit that intervening directly by picking him up by his shirt and giving him a very scary "I am your Death" face would be a good idea… hehe… Injuring him physically would be the last resort, though. My sister will be going to the school counselor about this if he doesn't stop. Still, if that doesn't work…
Anyways, I always thought this kind of behavior went out with the 60's (when this weak looking guy next to a hot woman would get sand kicked in his face by a overmuscled "manly" brute…
Sadly, this kind of behavior just changed costumes after the 60s, it didn't die off. I ran into someone like that in college. First I tried the, talk to staff, talk to security, route. Didn't work very well. So I invested in a pair of eight inch fabric shears and a can of stinky-stay-back-spray-stuff. Eventually he threatened someone important and got himself kicked out. But you make your niece's situation sound a lot less physical.
How your niece handles her annoying dude is going to depend on a lot of things like what kind of person she is, how threatening the dude is and how willing to help the potential nice dude is. (Even encouraging words can be "help" sometimes.) Has she actually told the annoying dude she's not interested or is she afraid of hurting him or something? Is it really going to help if you step in? Or is he the kind of person who'll just take outside opposition as encouragement? Does she feel physically threatened by him or is he just annoying?
All of which can be summarized as: Go talk to the school councilor or someone who knows all the people involved. There's really not much that can be said over the internet like this.
And good luck to your niece.
My niece tells me she could handle him, but I'm still worried. If the guy is as she describes, it'll probably take the direct intervention of the school administration and his parents to stop that behavior. He's not trying to force her, I think. He's merely trying to remove the person she's actually interested in out of the picture so he's her only choice.
My sis told me she already knows what's going on. She'll be going to the school counselor to do something about it.
For now, I've told my niece to tell him off if he approaches her. I've also told her not to take the same route to class every day (big school, so there's a few ways to get to her class). It's all I can do. I'd intervene on her behalf, but I got this feeling I may actually make things worse.
Still, I like Lothar's advice… >:-)
My niece tells me she could handle him, but I'm still worried. If the guy is as she describes, it'll probably take the direct intervention of the school administration and his parents to stop that behavior. He's not trying to force her, I think. He's merely trying to remove the person she's actually interested in out of the picture so he's her only choice.
My sis told me she already knows what's going on. She'll be going to the school counselor to do something about it.
For now, I've told my niece to tell him off if he approaches her. I've also told her not to take the same route to class every day (big school, so there's a few ways to get to her class). It's all I can do. I'd intervene on her behalf, but I got this feeling I may actually make things worse.
Still, I like Lothar's advice… >:-)
yeah, i'd definatly advise against stepping in. it isn't your fight, for starters, and there can be all kinds of legal trouble if you become a part of the equation.
definately bringing this to the administrations attention is the best course of action. it should be able to nip it all in the bud before it gets much more out of hand.
dude…MIDDLE SCHOOL?!?!? are you freaking serious? those little children need to be worried about doing their homework not playing adult.
Now, sort of on topic…What about guys who have psycho girlfriends? like, ones who live in other states but will still flip out at them if they hang out with their old friends?
not that my gf is like that or anything………..heh……….oh dear…shes listening…
:D
punch him ! punch everyone !!!
What about kicking? Kicking is more fun!
Stabbing is good too. Possessive Guys or Girls suck. One of my friends current ex/possibly dating again/ possibly engaged too(they are weird) has given both me and another girl he knows the stank eye, and calls him during class all the time. Honestly just ignore possessive people. They are annoying and if you ignore them long enough they should go away.
Tell him that she doesn't want to be around him.
If she is so weak willed that she allows people she likes to be chased off by people who want to be around her that she doesn't like then there is no hope for her.
She needs to let this jerk know that she wants him to go away, possibly tell someone in authority if he wont stop (because that is stalking).
A swift kick in the nads works wonders too.
since these are just little boys and girls in middle school….CALL THE KIDS PARENTS!!!!!!
theres nothing that will take that bully down harder than a parent to parent meeting, and then the dad looking sternly at the boy and saying "youre gonna get it when we get home/youre grounded forever" and hearing him whine "but mooooooooooom/daaaaaaaaaaaad!"
A similar situation happened to me in middle school, it isn't fun. Parental and counselor involvement is key to getting this to stop. In my case it was a male student who had an obsession with me, when he threatened my family with violence his parents removed him from school. When he did this again to another girl a few years later his parents removed him from school and relocated to another state. The last thing I had heard about him was that he was attending military camp.
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