Thread "How Will This Kill Me?" in forum "MAFIA... and other forum games"

Posted at 11:05PM, May. 21, 2010

The rules are as follows:

I will name an object the first poster will write how this will kill me (be creative), then they will name a random object. The next person will write about how that will kill the previous poster. Name a new object and so on.

Watermelon

Posted at 11:05PM, May. 21, 2010

As you prepare to split open the watermelon with a hacksaw, a midget in a fire suit bursts out and clubs you to death with a rolled up Auto Trader magazine.

Posted at 11:05PM, May. 21, 2010

A Belt

Posted at 12:05AM, May. 22, 2010

You are getting ready for work, going to a job you don't have. You put on your belt and while you are Justin Bieber comes out of nowhere and takes the belt from your waist and starts to beat you with the belt buckle that reads "I Love Men" then he Kills you with a table saw blade.

Beer Bottle

Posted at 12:05AM, May. 22, 2010

You succumb to alcoholism and drive your family away, you die on the street alone in a puddle of your own urine and vomit.

An iPad

(Also, this should be in forum games, I'm sure a mod will move it soon.)

Posted at 2:05AM, May. 22, 2010

The iceman cometh…

That is how the kill it will do you to.

Posted at 12:05PM, May. 22, 2010

Your own bad jokes cause you to choke on your own tongue.

A sponge.

Posted at 1:05PM, May. 22, 2010

You start cutting up a pineapple to make a tropical smoothie, but then the sponge gets pissed off for you destroying his home. He grabs the knife, jams it into your chest, then smashes a urinal over your head. Game over.

A cucumber.

Posted at 4:05PM, May. 22, 2010

a cucumber? I think not. It is a pipe bomb painted like a cucumber. But you don't notice and eat it anyway. And then you explode into a cloud of red mist and eyeballs.

A single strand of mammoth hair.

Posted at 4:05PM, May. 22, 2010

While you are admiring this beautiful strand of hair, Mettuar invites two of his family and one of his high-school friends over to the site to gang up on you and kill you. So two hold you down, and the friend and Mettaur throw a wild destructive party in your house. You die of despair.

Inviting two family members and a friend to drunkduck.com.

Posted at 5:05PM, May. 22, 2010

They commit homi-suicide while you're in the room and looking annoying to them in their last few minutes with four bullets.

touching my nose

Posted at 5:05PM, May. 22, 2010

You are picking your nose so vigorously, your finger shoots through the thin membrane and plunges into your brain. You die with a dirty, dirty mind.

Some guy saying,"The south will riiiise again!" And he's in a wheel chair, and his arms are paralyzed.

Posted at 6:05PM, May. 22, 2010

You go to whip him cause you're uber white and he's supporting black people in some way. He kicks you in the balls and then you laugh so you die.

I touch my friend's nose.

Posted at 6:05PM, May. 22, 2010

Your friend gets pissed, and shoots you with a staple gun claiming,"you uber fail, haxorz!"

A bucket of jello.

Posted at 6:05PM, May. 22, 2010

It eats you. Doi.

I touch my mom's nose. (I have a really good one for this. Or I think it's good.)

Posted at 7:05PM, May. 22, 2010

Your mom tells you to go to your room for acting goofy, so you jump of a cliif. "How could this happen to meeeee-"Pff, perfectionist, something bad and you just throw it away!

A 40k book. The Eineinstein one, or whatever that was called. It was a gunship, just an escort to a flagship.

Posted at 10:05PM, May. 22, 2010

You're playing 40k with someone, and you roll 15 6's on an attack. Your opponent gets pissed off and kills you with a pencil sharpener.

Rollerskates.

Posted at 10:05PM, May. 22, 2010

Your girlfriend becomes nervous you might leave her for the next hottie that walks by, so she tries neutering you with roller blades. She isn't a doctor, not even a nurse, so she fails horribly, and you die of blood loss. If not blood loss, of shame. SHAME!

A Hello-Kitty Lamp.

Posted at 9:05AM, May. 23, 2010

A good friend see's you have just purchased a hello kitty lamp, he explains that he is sorry but it is for your own good before beating you to within an inch of your life with it. he then feeds you to the starving midgets he has in his basement.

A magnum, the ice cream/lolly thing, not the gun.

Posted at 10:05AM, May. 23, 2010

Diabetes.

An eraser.

Posted at 11:05AM, May. 23, 2010

Your comic gets erased and you tear out your hair in grief. Unfortuetly, this also tears out some of your skin, and you die from your brain getting exposed to the air.

Me trying to help my sister make a comic.

Posted at 9:05AM, May. 24, 2010

you hep her greatly ans she shows no appreciation, when called up on it she denies all knowledge of your help. Enraged you beat her over the head with the base unit of your computer and end up doing time for assaulting your sister.

Once you are inside she unleashes her true revenge, she gets a rumour started that you are a paedophile and pretty soon you get beaten to death and then raped by other inmates for being a paedophile. even though you aren't.
As a final insult she lets slip the rumour at your funeral forever tainting your name.

man that's grim.

Okay.
A nasel hair.

Posted at 11:05AM, May. 24, 2010

You sneeze, a hair goes out your nose, but when you breath back in it gets sucked into your mouth. You choke to death on your own hair.

A flash-drive.

Posted at 11:05AM, May. 24, 2010

Easy, when the police come knocking you try to swallow the flash drive with all the really incriminating stuff on it. I say try because you choke to death on it and the coroner gets it out for a rather unpleasant headline to tomorrows paper.

Hilary Clintons toe nail clippings.

Posted at 3:05PM, May. 26, 2010

You steal the clippings for your collection because you have a really disgusting hobby and take them home, only you don't know that one of the clippings has a microscopic GPS locator device inserted into it by the Secret Service, should Hilary Clinton ever be kidnapped. Thinking that you've kidnapped her, a crack team of specially-trained, genetically-engineered super-soldiers breaks into your house at night in a daring rescue operation. When they realize that she's not there, they begin torturing you for where she is and then accidentally drown you via waterboarding. When Hilary Clinton comes back from an unannounced vacation, they realize their mistake, and they then kill your family, friends, acquaintances and everyone you've ever met and hide their bodies to cover up their mistake.

Dr. Who's pet kitten.